A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:My autistic brother has anger management issues and it's ruining his chances at a stable, good future. He's 25 and he still lives at home because he can't hold a job. First he worked at a company where he assembled car parts. When things went wrong or he failed at something, he'd have an outburst and throw stuff around. He got fired on the spot. Fast forward six months. He finally got a new job, this time moving pallets. Yesterday when he was driving the pallets around, he went over a bumpy road and everything fell off the cart, injuring one of the personell. They didn't blame him for that, as it was an accident. What they did not approve of, was the way he handled it: he snapped off a piece of wood and smashed it against the wall and raged around. The management will decide on monday if they'll keep him around, but even if he gets a second chance, I'm afraid it'll happen again. Basically I'm at a loss of what to do. From childhood on, my parents made sure he got into the schools for kids like him, but even though they had good guidance (or claimed they did) he always had his anger management issues. My parents were tough in a way as they never let him get away with it, but he never changed. I remember him breaking stuff since he was a kid and though my parents and I have and still are trying to teach him to concept of cause and effect (and in his case the negative effect those actions have on him) we're not making progress. The time when he could use his youth as an excuse has long past and I'm afraid that if he doesn't learn how to deal with this soon, he never will. To specify, my brother has Aspergers. He has a few gifts, like memorizing entire books, maps and calendars (he can tell you that 3 march 2067 will be on a thursday) but socially he's behind. He doesn't really understand humor or sarcasm, but he can converse and he does look you in the eye. Does anyone have any idea on what to do?
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (10 February 2013): I'm 26, have Asperger's, but I don't snap into rages; sure, I get stressed like the rest of us, but don't have public outbursts, only private mental ones.Since you're in the U.S., I would recommend seeing a specialised counsellor - one who has experience in autism and Asperger's Syndrome.Not cheap, but worth the outlay if it works.
A
female
reader, Stelladra  +, writes (10 February 2013):
Your brother is really lucky to have you. I can see how much you care. Sounds like your brother has come a really long way too. I hope you guys get the support you need from the autism society. Please keep me posted.
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reader, anonymous, writes (10 February 2013): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI'm going to contact them and hope they have the kind of programs you speak of. I'm not really angry at him (being angry with him has an averse effect: it just makes him lose control even faster) just a bit frustrated because this is the one thing he hasn't progressed on. He's come a long way (as a kid he was introvert, couldn't speak, had several phobias and needed his day to day schedule written down minute by minute) so it would be sad if this holds him back from living the kind of life he wants.
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A
female
reader, Stelladra +, writes (10 February 2013):
There are lots of organizations that can offer both yourself and your brother support as well as the rest of your family. Contact the autism society in your area ASAP. They will direct you to support. The ones in my area have programs to teach anger management. I started it with my son who has autism, he rates his anger and is being trained to know when it's going up. For instance when he is irritated it's a 2 out of 5 and when he is frustrated it's a 3.5 out of 5 so before he carries on and lets it go to a 5 (exploding)he drops what he is doing or who he is talking to and goes and calms down then tries again. Sometimes he has to walk away. But there are lots of strategies like that. That is just one. Discipline is great but autism needs more than that. Emotional regulation is much harder for them. Sounds like you may be angry with him but you must understand, it's not easy for them to control unlike it is for us. Take the time to learn about his condition and how you can help his self esteem because he does not want to keep failing. It is really hard on them. There are programs too that help find jobs for adults, help them find understanding employers who treat them like any other disability employee. Aspergers is a disability. Also there are tax right offs where I live and disability tax so that if he earns less or loses his job there is support, look into that as well. The same people can direct you. The problem with aspergers is its an invisible disability. They need just as much support as a blind person does. Just a different kind. Oh and there social groups too for adults as well.
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