A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Help I am ruining my relationship!Okay my boyfriend is sweet and caring. All he thought about was me. Wanted to spend time with me. Always texting me. Holding me tight in bed. Was so good. But I became a nag constant. Always horrible. Never nice to him. Even writing this I hate myself. We live together. But he won't speak to me now won't come near me. One word text replies. I was crying for days he told me it was pushing him away and I have stopped the waterfalls. But he was still distant saying he doesn't know if he can be bothered with the hassle. That scared me! I have became needy petting him asking him to do lots of things. I was texting him today and he was answering my texts with more words never asked how my day or sleep was like he usually does. (He works a lot of shifts). But then he went how's your day. I told him it was hectic at work I basically manage the place so I always have to fix a lot of things going on. But he didn't reply back at all. He doesn't want to talk about us. He said it's just gonna be the same. I asked him last night if he wants me out his hair and leave since he won't talk. But he replied no. Give it time. What do I have to do to get him to talk about our day and be more talkative and have a laugh again.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 October 2013): Well for one you can stop contacting him so much when he clearly doesn't like it. Otherwise its like another form of nagging. Nagging is annoying in part because it is unpleasant and it never ends. The last thing you should want to be doing is provoking even more negative associations in his mind with you. You also have to accept that the relationship may just be permanently changed now. Learn from your mistakes so you don't repeat them with your next boyfriend but for this one, the best way to show you care or respect him is to let him go and not try to keep him tied to you. Stop contacting him. Let him do as he wants even if it means not ever wanting to get close to you again.
A
female
reader, pinktopaz  +, writes (10 October 2013):
You need to do what he said, GIVE IT TIME! I know you want to talk about it and get if over with and make everything instantly better, but it doesn't work that way!
Back off and let him have some space and let him think. He can't think if you're constantly pestering him. Pestering him will just annoy him and cause his to make a hasty decision that will probably result in him wanting to end the relationship.
Chill out and work on being a better person and being better to your boyfriend. In time, he'll probably be able to open up to you if you just relax.
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A
male
reader, CMMP +, writes (9 October 2013):
Why don't you do as he asked and give it time? The "happy, cute texts" are forced and he knows that. Show him you changed by not nagging him for answers, not crying about it just to get a reaction from him, etc.
Everything you're doing would drive most guys nuts. Be patient and just take things slowly. Stop texting him, stop making small talk to try to show you care, etc. Give it a few days of reduced contact and then ask him if he'd like to go out on some sort of a date. Have fun with him and, once again, TAKE IT SLOW.
Don't be desperate for his attention, that's a great way to push him away.
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A
male
reader, olderthandirt  +, writes (9 October 2013):
 This may not be a newsflash but men sre NOT great at communication. In fact, the last thing a man wants to do is talk about his day or his feelings. Women are comunicators, men are "doers' I know this is of little to no help but if you're waiting for him to talk about it settle in for a long wait.
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A
female
reader, ModelCitizen +, writes (9 October 2013):
I think you need to stop sucking up to him now. He's made you feel like everything is your fault but it doesn't sound like he's been great to you either. I mean you loan him money and he doesn't even text back to say thank you?! That's not on! You do need to stop with the crying and nagging, because that will push him away, but that doesn't mean you have to put up with whatever he throws at you either. You have the right to call him out on bad behaviour and to expect more than being ignored until he needs some cash. If I were you I'd back right off and start focusing on yourself more. Go out with your friends or go to a spa or something - anything which doesn't revolve around him. Because at the moment he knows you're begging for forgiveness and he's taking advantage of the power you have given him by doing so.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 October 2013): I was crying because I gave myself a fright with the thought of losing him. But I have realized that just made it worse. He doesn't want to be around a cry baby. So it's stopped. I was a nag because everything was stressful. Work was getting ontop of me. When I came home he had his friend up and they were playing the playstation. Everything was getting ontop of me. I do try the happy cute texts but I get nothing at all back. He messaged me the other day asking if he could borrow money for fuel because he spent it all going for dinner with a friend. So I messaged of course I will just transfer money to your account. Team work babe! I got nothing at all back. He's angry because I was stubborn and horrible. But when I try be nice he doesn't care. It feels I have pushed him too far for him to care now. He may of been a slob. But I love him he's my slob and I love him no matter what :(.
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A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (9 October 2013):
 First of all, why were you crying for days? That's not normal. What was going on in your life that you were constantly crying about? Some guys can't handle it, as crying unnerves many of them. Other guys for some weird reason consider a woman's crying to be some manipulative function, and that's not cool at all.
I think you need to address what's got you so upset that you were crying for days. If it's no longer an issue, then best thing you can do is improve yourself. He's become distant with you, and yes, give him time. Work on yourself! Call some friends and go out for the evening. Enjoy life. Have something to tell him about yourself or about the world. Be interested in what he's about too.
If you're crying for days because you're not happy with life with him, then you might want to make a change. It's not normal to be like that. Negativity is a real downer. When he asks you about your day, even turn the negative aspects into positive ones. Your day is hectic, but say "Thinking of you during it made the tough stuff easier" with a smile.
Also, why are you a nag? Did you just move in and he's a slob or not pulling his weight at home? Nagging is tough on a guy, so you'll have to think about what it is that makes you not nice to him.
Depending on how long you've been together, couples counseling might actually help, because a lot of this stuff boils down to a lot of miscommunication and misunderstanding.
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