A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Dear CupidMy bf broke up with me a month back and then we got back together. Since we work together he gave me his password yesterday to do some of his work. I know i am not supposed to check his IM conv history but out of curiosty i did and i found out as soon as he broke up with me he started hitting a collegue of us. He was texting her 10 times a day (never replied to even one of my text when we were dating) and from his conv with her i found out that she was not interested in him and after that he came crawling back to me.I kind of asked him today whether he was trying to date anyone after he broke up with me and he said he never did that.I feel like i am being cheated, i cant confront him since i read his msgs. Please help me to resolve this issue.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 December 2010): He likes his creature comforts too much to go without them. He ditched you to try with her, she didnt want him, so hes back with you. You mustnt let him treat you as second best. It will happen again when he sees another girl he likes the look of. Dont set yourself up for the pain of it, show him the door now before its too late and you are being hurt again.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 December 2010): I don't know if he cheated, but it seems he tried to do the right thing by breaking up with you and the pursuing this other girl. Meaning that it was planned, and he knew this girl while he was dating you. It didn't work out with her, and he went back to you. (Hard to say without know the details of the break up, and what he said when he came back).
I agree with the other people that he it seems that he is treating you as second to the other girl. Are you okay with this? How much do you care for him?
I wouldn't tell him that you looked at his chat history, and I wouldn't push him to answer whether he was with someone else, etc, while you weren't together. At least for not for now. The thing with that is, yes, you shouldn't have snooped (well there are exceptions), but right now you need to know things from him, and what I've seen is that if a person has done something wrong, and they find out they've been discovered through snooping, they will latch onto that and turn the tables on you. I'm not saying he doesn't have a right to get angry, but I think you first want to find out answers without this extra issue.
So leave that alone for now. But instead of asking if he was in any relationships during the break, I would ask him why he broke up with you, and what made him come back. Tell him it's important that you know this and that you can't just accept him back without knowing (even though you've alraedy taken him back). Just let him know that you've been thinking about the relationship, and thinking about how he dumped you and came back, and that he can't just treat you as some default because that's how you feel. This is your reason why you want to know (without going into the other girl he seems to have been pursuing).
Good luck!
See what he says and then assess it again from there...
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A
female
reader, jacinta  +, writes (30 December 2010):
 If dat woman had been interested he wouldnt be wit you right now,dont believe his lies,uve seen the proof for yourself.you cant realisticaly stay wit this man,itl eat you up inside knowing wat you know.good luck.x
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 December 2010): I'm afraid it does look as if he broke up with you to pursue this girl. If you had broken up with him then maybe it might be different - as why not pursue someone if you have been dumped. To get back with you after things did not shape up with this girls looks bad. He does owe you an explanation. Who wants to be someone's back up plan? So have it out with him.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (30 December 2010): Yeah, he was cheating (really more correctly he was attempting to get with someone else but it didn't work), he used a "break" to "legalize" it and it didn't work so he came back to you as the "backup plan".
Move one, tell him what you know, and let him know that you need someone who isn't taking you for granted and knows what they want and "what they want is me".
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A
female
reader, redbutterfly +, writes (30 December 2010):
hey yea i think you should leave him. He's lieing to you and if he lies now he's gonna lie from now on and the fact that you accept it, it's just gonna make it easier for him to cheat and keep on doing whatever it is he does because he's gonna get suspicious since you asked him that quesstion that obviously you know something and then to him you accepted it and that just to him gives him the slightest thought that "Oh yea she accepted this what else will she accept" Anyways at the end of the day you need to do what makes you feel right and happy because at the end of the day no one is gonna care about what you feel and everyone just thinks of themselves so just worry first about what you feel cuz you can't do anything about that. You can let it go and be the second best or you can leave and wait for someoen who really cares about you and be the number one
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 December 2010): Well, now you know why he broke it off with you....he was interested in someone else--she rejected him and then he came running back to you...my ex did this same thing, but after the heart ache he put me through...I would never, ever go back to him as a friend or anything else. Some people are better off not being in your life.
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A
female
reader, babygirl14 +, writes (30 December 2010):
 hello my name is heather i been though this myself and if he only got back with you cuz that chick didnt want him he is using you! he just cant live without a girlfriend thats why he crawled back to you he knows you will take him back all i can say is you should dump him you can find better bc he will just do it again.......
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