A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Please help me, I'm in despair.Im 35 years old and married to a woman I can not stand. We have 2 children aged 5 and 3 and have been together for 8 years. We are not compatable at all, I am sociable, she is not, I am fun, she is forever serious. I no longer love her, to me she is the mother of my children and it ends there. We split up for 8 months last year in which time I moved into another house and had the children 50/50. Life was so much better and I started to feel myself again. She knows I don't love her and we have tried everything for the childrens sake to make it work. Its gone, and the love isn't ever going to come back. When we were apart I started see a girl for 3 months and really seriously fell for her. As time went on and my wife realised how serious I was about us both moving on she started to get really vindictive and evil, making threats and using the kids against me (she knows nothing about the girl) she says she will move away with the children (miles away/her family do not live here) In a panic I had to let her move in with me and now Im a mess. Depressed, binge drinking cos I don't know how to deal with the situation, if I want my children in my life, as of course I do, they are my world, I have to stay with her and be miserable. I know she would not stop short of destroying me. To top it all off I can't stop thinking about the adorable girl I was seeing last year. Any advice would be really great right now.
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (24 February 2010):
Stop with the drinking, that won't help. You've got to be strong. The law in Britain can come down very strongly on those that use their children against the partner. So record phone calls, keep messages, emails. Keep everything that shows she is vindictive. Record everything. Get all the proof you can. Also, go to this site.
citizensadvice.org.uk
type in your postcode and find out where the nearest office is, then make an appointment. They offer totally FREE advice on things like this, and can point you in the right direction. Then get a lawyer, take all your evidence with you and lay it before him. Then see what happens. And stand up to your wife as well. But don't be rude or anything like that. Remember, you need to look good. So get off the drink, get it together and start making preparations. There was a woman who used her kids against her husband and in the end she was sent to jail. I'm not saying that will happen to your wife, but certainly the judge will not look kindly if you have all the evidence and phone calls taped to prove she has been using your children as a weapon.
A
female
reader, Angzw  +, writes (24 February 2010):
Firstly, stop the drinking and any other self-destructive behaviour. That will work against you in custody court. Regarding access to your children, speak to a divorce lawyer, preferably a female. I think 1st consultations are often offered free.. She will tell you what your options are and what your chances are of maintaining joint custody and she will address all the moving away threats. If you feel you have tried and can't make it work then leave the marriage.
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A
female
reader, Honeygirl  +, writes (24 February 2010):
 Hun, first of all you need to understand that you are comparing your wife [and all the things you know about her] with the gf and she has only shown you the things you want to see in her. By having a relationship while you are trying to sort out your life has really complicated things.
Have you both sought counselling? In a relationship you have to give and take that means both people - when you talk about socialising, perhaps she really feels insecure when out with your friends hence the not wanting to socialise, compromise, if she goes to the pub with you, you will go and do something that she wants to do. As far as being fun goes, life is not easy, we all have concerns and the day to day humdrum of life can get us down.
What have you tried to put some of the fun back into your marriage?
I think both you and your wife need counselling, not necessarily together but you both need some help with your relationship.
Your wife being vindictive towards your gf is understandable, she is watching you putting all your love and energy into another woman without trying to sort out your marriage.
You and your wife have drifted so far apart and you need to see if you an re-connect again and after everything has been tried, then perhaps the option would be to consider divorce - but that must be a joint decision.
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