A
male
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:I am in a long-term relationship with a really great girl. However, I am not sure this relationship has potential for marriage. We hit that threshold a few times and it just didn't happen. I feel maybe, as great as she is, we just aren't meant for each other.I am ashamed to admit that I found another woman online. I wasn't looking for love. We just started chatting. It turns out she is married. I told her I am involved, too, and she only saw that as a positive. She wanted to know more about me and I told her all about me. My name, my photo, and so on. I told her I didn't need to know anything about her. (I admit I did see her portrait, so I know she is attractive to me.) However, I did not even know her real name.After I told her all about me, she did not reciprocate. In fact, we had a little bit of a tiff when I told her it didn't matter to me. However, this last time we chatted she made sure she used my real name several times. She shared a lot of personal details with me even though I did not ask, including her real name. Once she shared that with me, I suddenly felt an upwelling of emotion toward her. I feel like she wants to make our relationship real. I told her she didn't have to reveal anything and yet she made sure to reveal everything. It sounds crazy, but once she told me her real name (unsolicited) I am suddenly more wild about her than I have ever been. She had no ulterior motive to do that. She just volunteered it. Married or not, I feel like I am falling in love with her. That sounds nuts, given that we have never met, but it's how I feel. My question for DearCupid is:Now what? I feel compelled to meet her. Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (17 November 2011): You are better off blocking and deleting her and the time you would have been talking to her instead use to make your real life relationship better. It isn't love just a feeling of infatuation and lust because you have the thrill of someone getting to know you. But be realistic and if you found your partner had been doing this imagine the hurt it would cause. If your current relationship isn't working then address that, if it can't be fixed then when you are single you are free to chat to whoever you want without hurting anybody.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 November 2011): wow this is a hard one but like the above said 2do, i would put this relationshp 2 a end because if u were happy u wud be not talking online with other girls. yes 2 finsih with online married girl as well and walk away from someone who has a husband.
u will also end up hurt as she is not going to walk away from a marriage for u who she has not ever met.
be careful here and think as what 2do next. gud luck and up-date us plz?
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 November 2011): Cut your gf loose, you dont love her and you are using her.
Grow up and decide what you want from life. Until then, stop messing about with other peoples emotions. All you seem to be interested in me, me, me . You dont seem to care that not only will your gf get hurt by this online affair but what about this womans husband and kids?
Would you of been happy as a kid to find out that mummy is hurting daddy by leaving to live with another man?
I bet you wouldnt. We all have to take the consequences of our actions so have you thought through all of the potential senarios. Not just the live happily ever after fairy tale!
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A
female
reader, chickpea2011  +, writes (17 November 2011):
 Hi,
I am wondering? Is she happily married? Is she planning to get a divorce?
My best friend/partner of almost 10 years cheated on me. It has been 15 mos now since the discovery. After all these months I am still broken, devasted, and in shock.... I hope you never have to go through this experience. Words cannot describe the pain.
I am going to be honest with you. People fall in love, and sometimes in the middle of the relationship you might change your feelings. There's nothing wrong with that, it just happen, and it's nobody's fault.
I understand that you were not looking for love, but you met someone online. You are already cheating on your girlfriend emotionally. The right thing to do, and if you respect your girlfriend, "you need to be honest with her". If you don't feel comfortable telling her about the other woman, at least tell her how you feel about your relationship. At least tell her you need some time apart. Then, you can continue contacting this other woman, meet her if you want. Do whatever you want to do, but please do not drag your innocent girlfriend along with your ventures. It's not fair, she has the right to know if your feelings for her have changed.
People have the right to do whatever they want, meet whomever, live however they want... it's much easier to be honest. It will save a lot of energy, you'll be free, so you don't have to lie to your girlfriend, and make excuses.
I don't mind the fact that he had met someone. As a matter of fact, I had so much history, care about him so much, that if I knew the truth, I'd have been happy for him, and support him. What made me so angry, and hurted me so much was the lies, betrayal... I didn't want to be dragged along with him. I feel that I deserved to know the truth, and I had the right to make my choice, too. It's just not fair.... he regrets, wants us to be together, but it's too late. We cannot undo what has been done.
So, you still have the chance to make things right. I hope you make the right decision. Like I said before, if you have true feelings for this other woman, please persue her, I wish you all the luck, but PLEASE!!!! be honest with your girlfriend. It's not about morals, character, integrity, etc... Who am I to judge, but it's about respect. Remember, it's not your girlfriends fault that you are no longer in love with her. She doesn't deserve the pain... I hope you have compassion, realize the pain it will cause if she finds out you are cheating on her. It will destroy her, mentally, physically, emotionally. Trust me, I'll never be the same person again.
Good luck
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