A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Please help, I don't know what to to with my life. I am a 32 year old mum of 4, my husband and I work and seem to be like ships in the night, now the credit crunch has bitten us and things are tight, so the work arragements has to stay as they are. My problem is I feel so angry and cross all the time, I constantly snipe at my Hubby and kids, I honestly love them all so much, when they are all asleep at night I look at them and feel overwhelmed with love for them all and it makes me feel worse, they all deserve better, I had ideas of being a Mary poppins mum, you know singing, baking sewing with them etc but instead I just shout and scream when they drop a dirty sock of something, friends have said I am depressed but I don't feel like I am, I just feel overwhelmed with responsabilty sometimes??? My mum is great and has the kids once a month for the weekend, but it's only a short term solution. When my Hubby is home he is fab with them, thank god for him!! Please help me change from being a crabby old witch, to the happy fun nice person I used to be?? Thank you Ps my mood is bad no matter what the time of the month is?? Lol
View related questions:
depressed Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, softtouchmale2003  +, writes (24 September 2009):
 I am so sorry for what you're going through. You're frustrated by so much around you, and the two of you are struggling in a family of six (6)! Yes, six people!
There's no easy pill here, unless you want to drop speed and hope it doubles as an anti-depressant.
The issue that you have going on is temperament. That is your ability to stay calm as opposed to confused, self-abused, hyper-sensitive and out of control. Situation normal for many frazzled householders seeking to keep shelter above head, and meal upon the table.
Four children is more than a handful and a dirty sock here and there is going to bend one or two hairs out of kink.
The solution. You need to spend a few minutes, maybe 20 minutes, each day focusing on ... NOTHING. That's right. Clear your head.
Sit in a quiet place, all alone, close your eyes and focus on some pleasant, completely meaningless thing like the sound of the ocean, or crickets chirping in the night. The sound of emptiness. You want calm.
Then, after you've done that, after that 20 or so minutes, imagine looking at your beautiful family all asleep and snug; and let the warm loving feelings rush in to fill that emptiness.
That's the reward.
As far as the angry, perhaps even mad cow running amok, she's just a poor, beloved woman who has a nice husband looking for the childrens' well-being; and she's tired and frustrated by the credit crunch and all the demands on her time.
The fix for this is finding some extra-quiet time with your husband so the two of you can reward each other, and he can take care of your needs as a woman and not just mommy-needs.
And you can do the same for him, so he gets something more than daddy-needs.
Once a month seems like not enough with the rush going on in your home life, so perhaps neighbors and friends can lend a hand too and watch over the kids while you and your husband find quiet moments together somewhere far enough away from the home to enjoy some serenity together.
It takes a lot of work you know. But from what you've written, your heart is so big and you want to love your family rather than snipe at them.
Its a cry for help. You have to "feed the need" and make that special time for yourself. After all, you're human and you deserve that special attention once in a while too.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (24 September 2009): wow thank you, lovely words too say
I didn't mention I work 3 days a week in a job I hate, the little ones at a childminder & I get peed off about that... My husbands a copper so he just as tired as me... But u r right we both need a bit more help & I should ask the kids to muck in, that might help them have more pride in our home & want to keep it tidy like I do??
Lastly Hubby has booked a long weekend in Paris next month (out of the blue) so hopefully will get the break we need!!
Thank you all for your advice
...............................
A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (24 September 2009):
You're a mum of 4! That's a lot of work. I think you'll find you're exhausted and this is getting to you. See if your husband and kids can do more to help you around the house. I saw that you said your husband has offered to pay for the creche so you can go swimming. Definitely do that. Make sure you do have a life outside the house as well as in. It's not healthy to always be inside. Also, see if there's any way that when your mum has them, you and your hubby could go and hide away in the country and not worry at all. And your kids don't deserve better. Your their mum, and no one in the world will be better than you to them. You're doing a great job. Just spread the housework and childcare around a little more. You'll start to feel better.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (24 September 2009): Thank you for your replyMy kids are 2-7-9-13, I just wanted to add I am eternally grateful I have beautiful heathly children... That's the point, I want to feel happy cause I know I am a very very lucky lady, so yes I do need help.. Cause all my family deserve better!!Just writing all this today has helped, I sat down with my husband and he has offered to pay 4 the youngest to to to a crèche once a week so I can go swimming (which I love) so I might get a bit of a break??
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 September 2009): Hi. You certainly have your hands full! You dont mention how old your youngest child is but your friends may well be right. They probably know you better than anyone. So go and have a chat with your doctor just to rule out depression. Its a horrible illness and can creep up on the best of us without us even knowing. In the mean time sit down with the kids and explain that you need a little help around the house. Work out a rota with them according to age and ability and make it fun with rewards at the end of the week. Draft the extended family and friends in, have a chat with them, see if some could offer sleepovers for the kids now and then so you and hubby get some `me` time. It might seem that lifes an endless round of work, cooking and cleaning and youre just exhausted from it all. So take time out for yourself, when the kids are away try spending the whole weekend in bed. I do sometimes with a box of choccies and a few good dvds. Its brilliantly slothful and it will recharge you, i promise!. Hang in there mum! The credit crunch will pass and then you can look at the work situation again. All the best.
...............................
A
male
reader, MSBJE  +, writes (24 September 2009):
When the going gets tough the tough get going, try walking the block in your families shoe's & see if you would like it if they were as grumpy as you.
You don't need our advise, you need to be grateful that you have a lovely healthy family, the money crunch will pass, it will pass quicker if you adopt a positive attitude.
Go visit a cancer ward, you will walk away with a different view on your problems. Good Luck
...............................
|
