A
female
age
51-59,
*nc4ever
writes:i just found out my husband had a short affair with a co-worker that was black mailing him i want to forgive him and we both want to move on with our 10 year marriage im scared and i don't know how to let go of all the crazy thoughts in my mind about them. he has cut off all ties with her and he ended the affair but she continues to crank call us at work and still tries to keep contact with him. i need some advice, help on how to deal with her and how to get these nasty thouights out so that i can forgive him and move on. we both love each other and want to make this work. HELP
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male
reader, eddie  +, writes (31 May 2008):
 You both need to figure out the mechanics of the affair. This will help you understand what went wrong in your relationship. He needs to live his life like an open book. He needs to answer any questions you have and account for all his time. He has no wiggle room here.
Your thought process will probably go through many phases. If this is recent, there may be many ideas that will still cross your mind. Little things may happen that remind you about this. You must accept that this happened. It did and that won't change...ever. You have to decide if he is worth another chance.
Eventually this other woman will stop her games. If it is true that they no longer have contact, she can no longer hurt you. There is nothing she can do now that is even close to what she's done in the past. If you have accepted what happened, her efforts at this point only make her look childish. She is the one who's reached a new low point by stooping to these tactics.
Picture her actions for what they are....this woman is making crank calls, trying to contact etc. It's so silly and degrading TO HER. She is struggling to have something she never deserved. As long as you let it bother you, her efforts work. You husband is the one to worry about. The other woman is not worth your thoughts.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (31 May 2008): Hi there i represent the endless line of men that don't have a woman, why don't you dump him and try one of us. We ain't so cute but were faithful.
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A
male
reader, PeterPan +, writes (31 May 2008):
 First, deal with yourselves -- that will be the hardest. I recommend that you guys get into marriage concealing where a professional can work with you together and help you get over the hump and forgive.
Next, I'm going to assume that the co-worker was blackmailing your husband, threatening to reveal all to you, right? If that's the case, she has no power over you. The only thing left is to get her off your backs. I might recommend speaking to an attorney about having a restraining order placed on her. That's the best thing I can think of as a suggestion. If she violates the restraining order, then it becomes a legal case and you can use the courts to stop her from harassing you.
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