A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:*sigh* okay so here it goes i apologize for grammar since now because i am in a hurry. Okay so some inside details, I have been with my boyfriend for almost three years now, things were fine at the beginning of our relationship. and things moved a bit fast he asked me to move in with him when we were seeing eachother for only 5 months i felt at top of the world...that is until one day i woke up in the middle of the night because i heard movement about in the room, i opened my eyes and to my surprise there was my boyfriend downloading porn. I kept pretending to be asleep and brushed it off although it seemed odd because i didnt know men in relationships wacthed porn. it wasnt till a couple of days later ( i know i still feel guilty for snooping) i actually looked up the internet history and all the files he kept hidden inside lots of redirected folders and found his really extensive collection, ranging from everything. (and lots of it sometimes 500 and vids pics in three days)he downloads leasbians, milfs, beastiality, (both hentai and the real thing) tentacle porn, loli hentai, and incest stuff he also downloads a lot of mother son hentai and he has not stopped even though i keep asking him to please at least cut back...i dont know i just dont know what to do anymore he is a great boyfriend in all other areas except when it comes to his porn habits, or lying to me.the last straw was my birthday he staid home masturbating and downloading porn. while i waited for him to show up...when i did get home he pretended he was drunk and in bed sleeping (i know how he sleeps cause he snores and when hes drunk he is very incoherent) he just seemed nervous. and he was acting really strange then when i sat down on the computer he freaked out and led me away asked me to make him dinner..i don't know and since that day (may 2) he has still downloaded more weird tentacle porn so he wont sleep with me saying hes tired but will stay up all night doing this....so to get to the point is it normal for my guy to be downloading stuff like this onto our computer and viewing it on our roommates laptop? if it isn't a bad thing then why does it make me feel inadequate?and lastly why is it that guys act like its the end of the world if you try to take their porn away?
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drunk, incest, porn, roommate, the internet Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 May 2009): Hi, its me the OP again...So tonight i'm bringing up the subject again and telling him he needs to decide whether he's going to be watching effed up porn or be with me...Is that reasonable? I tried being nice, caring and understanding but it didnt work!I dont know what to expect and i'm honestly a bit scared, I feel weird because the times that i have brought it up, he seems annoyed, even angry, especially if i call him out on a lie.I never really kept tabs on what he watches online but i now know hes a daily user and that he downloads porn three or four times a week...I've tried asking guys what i can do and they say "watch it with him"yeah,..thats not something i enjoyed doing as he was into the porn more than me...I'm done blaming myself and feeling inadequate, its gone on for too long...i want to feel like a woman, not a piece of meat....
A
reader, anonymous, writes (15 May 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI had a non cronfrontational talk with him, and for 2 days he didnt download anything. but right now hes like..."I need to go download something ive been wanting to download all week"
when we talked i asked him why he did it and hes like "because i like collecting stuff" i kept asking but thats as far as it goes he says hes not into it...im thinking of leaving honeslty,i feel like he disregards me so much because he lies to me in my face.
thanks for the help guys...
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (11 May 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionYeah I guess I will have to talk to him again today.
i almost did this morning but he was getting ready for work so i decided to not ruin his day and wait until he gets home.
wish me luck guys im really going to need it.
ill update when i do talk to him again. thanks for listening, no one else would...
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (10 May 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionhe doesn't drink that often maybe once a week sometimes but there are times where he acts like he needs to prove something and drinks a bottle of jack daniel's or whatever liquor he has (okay most of it really).
The thing is that we have had long arguments and he says he doesnt like the stuff but i know he is lying because he masturbates to it.. i think SOME porn is okay if you arent sacrificing couples time or other important things but he just does it as soon as im not in the room even if its just to get him a glass a water.
i have tried everything, i have watched lesbian porn with him which only led him to want to have sex with me while he looked at the screen and called out the porn stars name a couple of times. yeah i felt totally hot... NOT
i tried giving him naughty pics, and making our own but he never even looked at it so i deleted it all of it feeling worse.
i have tried asking him to cut down but he said he wasnt. i dont understand he seems to be doing well in all other areas, but i mean if hes lying to me with something so simple as online activities i wonder what else he lies to me about.
my roommate is not okay with him watching porn in her laptop and to save him from embarrassment she told me.
so i mean how can i tell him that what he is watching is gross and makes me feel as if he has weird expectations. i like to think that im at least attractive i keep my self in shape and i model for a clothing line but i just feel ugly!!! .i dont know im sorry if i dont make sense im a bit distressed because i dont know whether i should try to work it out and help him or leave him to succumb.
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A
male
reader, LazyGuy  +, writes (10 May 2009):
 Seems to be a couple of questions/problems here.
First, bit naive to think guys don't watch porn in a relationship. Not all guys do and it is up for discussion wether it is acceptable in your relationship, but not knowing that some guys do shows you might have gone into this relationship with false expectations.
Then there is the nature of the porn. Seems pretty extreem, possibly illegal.
Then you got the fact that he seems to prefer porn over sex.
Apparently lies to you about somethings
And then ignores social functions like your birthday.
If I read between the lines, he is also frequently extremely drunk. If you get incoherent, you had to much.
All in all, it paints to me a picture of a guy who doesn't care much about you, isn't to mature and frankly is just not ready for a relationship. Stop robbing the emotional cradle and throw this little fish back.
What does it say about him that he acts as if the world ended because you took a toy away from him? What does it say about your relationship that you feel you got to tell him the rules? Are you his mother or his partner?
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