A
female
age
41-50,
*arahweeze
writes:i`ve been with my boyfriend for over 15 years,we have 2 kids,10 and 7...umm, i really dont know where to start...well,here goes,when we met,i was a normal sized gal,loved to party,worked hard and played hard.we bought our first house when i was 19,i loved it,we didnt always like the same things,but i assumed that was normal,anywhoo..i had always felt un loved,umm,no,thats not right...i cant say that cos he has always given me everything i want and phoned me 10+ times a day to tell me he loves me.....but when it comes to actually SHOWING ME...then thats a new ballgame..we dont have sex much,i would honestly say it`s about once every 2-3 months...he constantly tells me he loves me,he buys me whatever i want...but when it gets down to it....he cannot give me the acual thing i need..which is passion and wanting,and since we been together,i have put on soooo much weight,i honestly believe he doesnt see it as a problem,but..when u have been rejected sexually for 15 years,you learn how to block out certain shit....basically all i want is the feeling of passion,and to know that i`m attractive.....am i wasting my time after 15 years with a guy who shows no sexual interest in me??????.... Reply to this Question
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male
reader, baddogbj  +, writes (11 June 2010):
 My guess is that the weight is an issue. I know that it would be for me. I don't mean that judgmentally as I'm a big boy myself (as you can see from my picture) however as someone who has sex with quite a few people on a fairly regular basis I know that once a girl gets above a certain weight it just isn't happening, even if i want it to.
The sex aside it does seem as if your boyfriend is doing his best to be good to you. Things could be a lot worse.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (11 June 2010): My wife and I went through the exact same thing. I was 19 and she was 17 when we got married. It's going on 21 years and we are still together. Here's some of the key things we learned in counciling. Men and women peak at different ages. Guys want to try everything and do everyone from the time they get active. Girls usually don't get comfortable with sex for along time. Guys don't equate sex with love. Guys will have sex with just about any girl that they find attractive. Girls will only have sex with someone they love and have feelings for. Now he might be feeling how I did. I was just plain bored with sex. It had nothing to do with my love for my wife. It just became so routine that I just didn't care about sex. Here's some things we did to help. Go buy some new sex toys, do some role play, go to a strip club, do anything that's out of your norm.
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A
male
reader, RAINORFIRE  +, writes (11 June 2010):
 hmm sounds like he buys you things not everybody s in to sex your guy expresses his love for you in another way. and im sure the weight makes a diffrence personanly could not be attracted by a large woman. do you suspect hes cheating any way suggest loosing some weght gong to the gym dont even brng it up to him just start doing it and see if t makes a difference and why arent you married just wondering its been 15 yrs
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A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (11 June 2010):
 Was it always this way, or was there more sex in the beginning of the relationship, and then as the kids came, it waned? And it's interesting that you mentioned that he "gives you everything". Does material things take the place of intimacy in your relationship??
It is quite possible that it could be your weight. A guy doesn't dare mention that to a girl because it's touchy, but has he talked about himself joining a health club or cutting out the fattening foods? If so, he may be sending you a message to join him. And, it's a good idea for you anyways!
You need to have the talk with him about sex. Make it non-threatening, yet absolutely direct. Let him know that he can say what he wants without you flying off the handle because you want to work on this with him.
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