A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I need some help getting over insecurities. I've been with my boyfriend for about 16 months, yet still I panic whenever I know he's around other girls. He's never cheated on me so I really don't have any reason not to trust him, but for some reason I'm still ridiculously insecure. Little things cause me to freak out entirely. He was going to a friend's party, and the friend wanted to invite a couple of girls over. I was upset and in tears because I couldn't stop imagining him being with them. I panicked when he went out to lunch with one of the girls he was at school with, even though his brother went with them. He told me a while ago that he doesn't think guy/girl friendships can be completely platonic. I stupidly asked him what he thought about with his friends and he told me 'sex, kissing, dating,' and I think because of that statement I lost my confidence completely. I really don't trust him, even though he's never actually done anything wrong. I just can't stop myself from imagining him with them and wanting them. It hurts! Recently he's been really good, we talked about it and he agreed that he'd introduce me to his girl friends before going anywhere with them, and no one on one outings (same goes for me). But still I think about that party and the future and wonder if I'll ever get over these stupid insecurities. It's hurting our relationship because I still doubt him and doubt that he's truly content with me. I don't know how to make myself believe that he doesn't want anyone else, no matter how many times he tells me. Really, I need to figure out a way to get over this. I just don't know how.
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male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (25 October 2009):
Well he did say a bit of a stupid thing, but it sounds like he's trying hard to make sure you know you can trust him. The question is, why do you feel like this? Have you been failed or hurt before by someone? I think you need to think about what has caused you to be so untrustworthy. Look into your past and face it. Also, jsut explain to your boyfriend why you feel this way. This is something you need to address though, because if you don't, he will think you don't love him and you will lose him. Just realy think about what has happened to make you feel this way.
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