A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:So, my ex and I have decided to give things a second chance after being apart for about 7 months. We both recognise we made mistakes and both still feel strong for each other, even if it's not quite how it was when we first got together. We both believe we can feel the same way again and plan to take it slow.I'm wondering does anyone have any ideas that could help make it easier? Or their own story? What are some good ways to get to know each other again? Should we refrain from intimacy for a while? Neither of us have done anything like this before so we're not sure how to go about it. We're both aware that it may not work, as second chances rarely do, but we're still willing to try.
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (11 February 2014): There are no rules it's works different for everyone. Just take your time in terms of emotion, ease yourself into it.
The most important thing though, is that the reason you broke up in the first place has to be resolved. A second chance is not a means to try and sort them out, they need to be resolved beforehand or you'll just go back into that 'too tolerant' mode again. You know, that mode where you look past too much stuff because you just want it to work. If you don't have all the mistakes rectified, if the reasons you couldn't be together aren't completely resolved and not just pushed aside or have yourself convinced they don't matter then you're in for a surprise.
Oh and if you're basing this on the notion that you and/or he have "changed" in 7 months, then best of luck. You'll quickly learn that some things never change.
A
female
reader, Foot-In-My-Mouth  +, writes (11 February 2014):
 You know what, the success or failure of this depends on the reasons why you broke up in the first place. If infidelity was involved, it will be very difficult for it to work out this time. So it's hard to tell unless we know why you moved away from one another.
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A
male
reader, Gauntlet  +, writes (11 February 2014):
 If you really (and I mean really) want to know yourself as well as knowing your partner, you MUST refrain from intimacy for a while as you suggested it yourself. Sexual activity is a cheater in itself as hormonal production exactly works like drugs: adrenaline gives you the feeling of being high and strong (what we wrongly think is a proof of a deep love, but it's not and one may feel exactly the same with sport or roller coaster; see yourself on the web, some girls even orgasmed having fun in such a way) while dopamine has almost the same effect than cocaine or ecstasy.Imagine yourself taking strong drugs on a regular basis, and ask yourself whether you could trust your judgement on things while being under influence...A temporarily "chaste" relationship will make you understand one thing too: is this guy with me because of who I am (my personality) or just because of that toy I have between my legs ?Just be happy to be together. Discuss a lot about art (at least music and cinema), about your tastes (what you like and what you dislike and why) and even about politics and economics. Your points of view on serious subjects matter as much (even more depending people ?) as sexual compatibility, as it is clearly exposed in a movie I recommend you to watch with your back-loved-one: Waking the Dead (cf http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Waking_the_Dead_%28film%29 ).And if things go well, please feel free to inform us about what's going on with you both.
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