A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I am currently in a relationship with the most wonderful woman. We've been going out for almost two years now and ive been the happiest man alive.Untill the other day. For a while ive noticed something was wrong but put it down to stress as she's starting her own business. The other day the inevitable happened and we had a big discussion about us, In which i found out she doesnt know if she wants to be with me anymore as i cant give her what she needs emotionally... In this same conversation i found outthat she's been talking to various friends for some time about this, which hurts me as this was the first i knew of it. It was partly this that made us realise that we need to communicate better.I should of been more aware of her feelings, but at the same time she could of tried talking to me instead of her friends.Now we've decided to try again, but i am so terrified that im having trouble eating an sleeping.My problem is that im not sure HOW to be more emotionally supportive... We do talk but apparently not about what she talks about with her friends. If i try to ask her what she means or how i can be better she gets angry.This is eating me up inside and i need help, i dont want to lose the woman i love over something i cant help. Reply to this Question
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (1 September 2008): Sounds like the problem is her inability to communicate. Don't soul search too much, i think the problem is mainly hers. If she can't say what she means, how are you supposed to mind read. She really needs to stop playing games and blaming it on you.
Good luck
A
female
reader, scythe  +, writes (1 September 2008):
 Emilysanswers has given you some good advice. Also, you should try and open YOURSELF up to her. Talk to her about your worries, fears, joys, etc. I don't mean that you should come home after a bad day at work and start waffling on about how bad it was etc, I mean, try to be more open with her. And most importantly be HONEST! and sincere and use maturity.
If she's getting angry when you ask her what to do, perhaps shes already explained it to you, hence her frustration. Just tell her that youde like her to talk about it once more because you are trying hard to connect with her and want to do it right.
Good luck!
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A
female
reader, Aunty Em +, writes (1 September 2008):
 I can't agree more with Emily's answer. Although, sometimes you don't even have to ask. Just listen. Once she gets talking, she'll pour things out that you never knew before. IE, how she's feeling about this and that. If this is making her worried, upset etc. You can be her shoulder to cry on that way.I hope it works out for you both.
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A
female
reader, epifanatical +, writes (1 September 2008):
 I agree.. listening and picking up on her vibes.. communication breakdown is the #1 cause of relationship failures today.. so dont let that happen to you.. could you possibly find out what shes been saying to her friends?. perhaps then it would give you a clue on how to go about things??.. women are usually very open with their gf's and you would be finding out a wealth of secrets..
its the lil things women look for.. a random kind gesture.. a sweet word.. compliments.. to be felt appreciated.. wanted.. ..but dont overdo it or seem extra keen.. it has to be genuine.. do it because you want to and you love her.. not to win approval.. because that would really stand out.. and dont be afraid to ask questions.. even if she gets angry.. the anger wont last.. but what you say will.. she most prolly will go away sulking but also be thinking about what you said.. and it may then prompt her to open up instead of reacting the way she has been.. isnt this better than remaining silent and racking your brain what the right thing to do is??..
most of all stay true to yourself.. be honest.. and be willing to work on things.. it all should then start to turn around.. best of luck :)
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A
female
reader, Emilysanswers +, writes (1 September 2008):
Ask her questions about her day, and let her open up. Just let her talk, don't chime in with "well what you should do is..."
Really listen to what she is saying and understand how she says she is feeling. Put yourself in her shoes and think about what would like to happen.
If she is stressed then run her shoulders and make sure she can just put her feet up while you bring the tea and just make her feel pampered a bit.
She just needs to know that you can be there for her and she can talk to you about things without you judging her or trying to tell her you know better.
Good Luck!! xx
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