A
female
age
30-35,
*hemisses
writes:My boyfriend and I have been together for over 3 years. We've had pretty normal fights and we always make up. Lately I've been asking him where he sees it going and just like a guy he ignores me or says "yeah whatever you want". I know im young but I have seen a lot of people in my situation never get married and be truly happy. Now I know what I want and I want to get married like asap and have kids. Im not the type of girl who is asking for a huge wedding. Personally I want a city hall wedding and a plain gold band. Part of his excuse is he wants to buy me a beautiful ring but I think its bull cuz its not necessary and he knows its not what I want. Also I am on birth control as we had an abortion when I was pregnant before bcuz of financial reasons. But here's my theory nothing is going to change overnight making us millionaires. So there are people in worse situations that can do it.. Im ready for a baby. He says no but again I think its an excuse. I don't want to leave him bcuz I love him but I can't help but think about it. I think we want different things and it hurts me. I would have to move back in with my parents which would suck. And everyone would be right that it didn't work. There's no real problem its just if the relationship is not going where I want... should I end it now???
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female
reader, Laura1318  +, writes (9 March 2010):
 You have incompatible needs .Tell him that you are both incompatible . It is just as simple as that .No hard feelings.
To stay with him would be like bobbing in the ocean and directionless. You need to have a plan for your future. Otherwise , you are just wasting your time on him.
If a tree that cannot bear fruits, what's the point of keeping the tree? Chop it down and plant another tree.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (9 March 2010): sit down as cherishandream has suggested and talk about what your hopes and dreams are. discuss with him what you want and where you are in life and see if you are on the same page. if you are or can find a compromise, then great. if you cant, i think you should calmly tell him, you know it seems like that we are just too far apart on our desires for the future. we dont seem to be on the same page anymore, therefore i think maybe it is time to call it a day...you will find the words to say. follow your head, think about this long and hard, i think you will find the right path.................walk in it. good luck, mal
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A
female
reader, themisses +, writes (9 March 2010):
themisses is verified as being by the original poster of the questionIm 20 but I've lived with him since 17 so I feel im a bit more mature than other 20 yr olds. How do I explain it all to him( if I do decide to leave)?
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (9 March 2010): first of all honey, are you on the 18 end or the 21 end of the age range? secondly, if you two aren't on the same page about commitment...please do not have a baby. babies are a lot of work and a lot of expense. yes other people do it but that doesn't make it the right thing for you at this time. i think that if "everyone" has told you that this relationship wont work after 3 years, then there are some big issues going on. i think its time to suck it up and go home. you are right that that will not be easy after all this time, but i think if you will work at it you can save money and rent an apartment before too long. the thing that i have seen with many many of my acquaintances is that there are worse things than being single...being unhappily married, or in an unhappy relationship is much worse. i think you already know that this relationship is going nowhere...that is why you are writing us here. i do wish you all of the happiness in the world. get yourself in a better place, with the right person, and then think about a wedding and a baby. it may be a little old fashioned...but it works much better. good luck to you sweetheart, mal
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A
female
reader, cherishanddream +, writes (9 March 2010):
i think you should sit down and discuss with him about the goals as a team. Both of you should open up to each other. Ask him genuinely why marriage and kids are not his option. ask if he has commitment issues. if he does have commitment issues, tell him you are willing to help him out. If you find what he wants totally differ from what you want, i suggest you not waste your time with him. Some man are very selfish, you can't be too submissive to them otherwise you will get hurt even more.
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