A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:dearcupids, i really dont know who to go to now! im hoping someone will have a bit of advice, im 17 and i met this great guy when i was 14 and i instantly fell for him, i didt think he was interesting so i guess it was a secret crush i had on him, for about a year, we ended up kissing at my 15th birthday party and from there is when we got together. weve been together ever since, 2 years and 4 months now, everythings been going so amazin hes just so perfect, but in july, i was *raped* i cant even bring myself to say it, but i was on my way to meet him and i never showed up, (i have to walk through this like hilly place with loads of trees, but its not woods) and a middle aged man forced me to have sex, i did tell the police what happened and he has been sorted, but i found out last week that i am 7 weeks pregnant. the dates of my pregnancy dont add up with me and my boyfriend, but they do add up with the guy who.. which means if i carry on with the pregnancy it could have a rapist for a dad! Me and my boyfriend have spoke about it quite a lot actually over the past few days and its caused arguement after arguement after arguement, and it got that bad last night we were laid in bed and i just started crying, i couldnt help myself i was feeling so low, and he was hugging me and telling me it was going to be alright, like he does! i just got out of bed and shouted (YEAH! but its not though IS IT!!) and i went downstairs because i couldnt face him, i felt so so ashamed! ive always been so strongly against abortions and i couldnt bring myself to kill another human being, but what if it isnt my boyfriends baby! will it turn him against me and the baby!? theres obviously no way of finding out who the dad is until its born, but then what if its the wrong choice, hes gone to work today and didnt say a word to me before he left! i phoned him at half 11 like i do every day and he dint answer ive text hiim and he hasnt replied! i dont want to lose him, i just dont know whats going on in his head! i know im 7 weeks pregnant now and its gonna be too late soon. i just really dont know wat to do anymore!!! please does someone understand? i just neeeded to let out how i feel! im so sorry ='(
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male
reader, IHateWomanBeaters  +, writes (19 September 2009):
 Although I am someone who supports abortions whole-heartedly, I still think that you should do what you feel right to do.
If your boyfriend loves you, he will be there for you. He would not quarrel with you. He would not turn against you. If I were in love with someone and were seeing them, and they got assaulted, I would stand by them no matter what. Anything less is not love.
Now, there are 2 things you can do.
1. Abort the baby and clearly have regrets.
2. or have it.
This gives you 2 more options.
1. Keep it and raise it. That may be very hard to do and is something you SERIOUSLY have to consider before doing.
2. Put it up for adoption.
Either way you have to make the decision on your own.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (19 September 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionto the last anonymous poster, you just replied with exactly what i was trying to say! thats exactly what im thinking and why im so confused, i dont want to have a baby and hate it, although i dont want to get rid of it incase it is my boyfriends im in such a mess! although my boyfriend came round tonight, we spoke alot, like adults and he's said he will stick by me whatever, and we are going to go to connexions tomorrow and speak to someone, thankyou for your answers too! x
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 September 2009): You say that you're not sure if you want to abort... what if this baby turns out the be a product of your rape, and you give birth to this baby, and from that point on every time you look at that baby you are reminded of your rape? Think about the consequences of this on your child - if you are going to bring this baby into the world, are you prepared to deal with such constant and painful connotations? Because your potential child, one way or another, is going to feel that sense of rejection on your part. They are going to know they were not wanted, not planned, not legitimate. How are you going to keep this child from feeling like a horrible mistake?You need to discuss this with your boyfriend. If you agree to keep the baby, what kind of parents are you going to be? Are you going to conceal their true parentage? Are you going to be able to love them no matter who their real father is? These are the real issues you need to address.
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A
female
reader, chele +, writes (18 September 2009):
 hey chick listen my friend went thru a simalr thing and she got an abortion and she regrets it everyday im n to telling u to keep it well lets call it (bump) saves calling them it lol she too was in a relationship to but she ended up getting raped by her ex and his friend but whos to say that the baby isnt your boyfriends? if he loves you enough he will stand by your decission whatever the outcome i mean the baby may well be the rapist but they gonna be part of you to just think long and hard about your decission toots get some proffesinal advice before doing anything silly talk to friends and family 1st and if you cant talk to them go to the cornerstone or family planning clinic its always easier t tlk t a stranger good luck on what ever u deside to do but dont do anything anyone else tells you to do xx
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A
female
reader, chele +, writes (18 September 2009):
rite 1st of all DONT feel ashamed its nothin to be ashamed about its not ur fault its those so called males that shud b ashamed taking advantage now listen 1 of my close friends ended up pregars due to rape and the termanated the baby she was lyk u in the sence of a loving relationship she was 14 wen it happend but she now to this day feels guilty im not in any sence telling u what to do but i wpuld seek professinal advice before u make any decisson i mean yes it could be but what if its your boyfriends? and even if it is his baby would u love it less i mean its gonna b half you as well and that gotta b a good thing think of the possitives and negatives 1st and if ur partner truly loves u he will stand by any decission u make why not bring baby up as yours no1 needs to know just think hard about it xx
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reader, anonymous, writes (18 September 2009): First let me say to you that i am so sorry for what happened. That is a terrible thing! You need to seek some counseling if at all possible. Sweetheart, you two have got to discuss this. I dont know who's sperm is responsible here, but your baby's dad is the man will be in its life. The man who tucks it in and reads bedtime stories...that what you are gonna have to focus on if you choose life. Talk about it together and see how he feels. You may want to consider adoption.You will survive this time in your life...try not to lash out at your guy, you need his love and support. It is a difficult time for both of you. God bless,... and keep us posted.
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A
female
reader, Emilysanswers +, writes (18 September 2009):
This is an awful thing to happen to anyone.
I'm surprised they didn't give you the morning after pill when they took you to be seen by a doctor at the police station.
As an agony aunt on the internet, let me tell you that I don't think anyone on this site is qualified to help you deal with this. It's too big to just talk to strangers on the internet about.
You need to make a decision fast. Yes this baby could be the rapists. But at 7 weeks gone, it's very early and you have lots of options.
I think you need some professional counselling to decide whether to keep the baby or not and how to cope with it if you do decide to keep it.
Your boyfriend should not really factor into this decision. Yes it will make your relationship harder, yes he may not be able to handle it, but if you abort, he may still leave you eventually anyway.
It says you are in the UK so here are some people who can talk to you and have the experience to help you properly:
http://www.rapecrisis.org.uk/
http://rasac.org.uk/ another rape help website
Brook Advisory Centre's confidential helpline on 0800 0185 023. They are a charity that gives out sexual health advice on your options.
And also you should talk to your local GP. He can put you in touch with local counselling services, be confidential, and give you all kids of helpful advice.
I know this is a decision you should never have to make but you are not alone.
Good Luck!! xx
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 September 2009): First off, I am so sorry that happened to you. I believe that no girl deserves that whether she puts herself in the situation or not.I think that you might have to approach your man in person to apologize. He's trying to be understanding yet you are shouting that he doesn't get it. Maybe he doesn't but he's trying too. Shouting and screaming at people who are trying to help is not going to help your situation at all cause you need all the support you can get and he sounds supporting so I doubt that he's going to let the paternity matter of baby get in between you two if you don't. If it's not his, let it go. There's nothing you can do about except move on.You say that abortion is against your belief, quite frankly I'd stick to that but I am not you. Do what you think is best but do you truly want to risk killing your boyfriend's baby? If it's not your man's and you don't want to have the baby, you can alway give the child up for adoption.Just keep this in mind because the man give the sperm to create the baby doesn't make him the baby's father; the father is the man who steps up to take care of the child whether kid is his or not.
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