A
male
age
36-40,
*otaclue
writes:So this is the deal. I HAD been with my girlfriend for 7 months. Sounds not a long time i know, but still it was my first love. When i met her she was great...full of life, love etc etc though then we hit a glitch..3 months in she broke it off citing that "i'm not what you want at the moment - i can't please you like I think you want to be". it wasn't meant in a sexual sense, just in what i wanted out of a girl. that passed we didn't speak for a week...we got back together.then we moved in (no comment!). bear in mind it was only 5 months in to the relationship it just seemed so right though. unfortunately she got awfully distant from that point...no sex, spent most nights out with her girls, and then to the point she would fall asleep on the couch and hence not with me...i tried to see what was wrong and it turned out she said she had issues and was "confused and just needed a bit of time". after me giving her her time etc. (though bear in mind we lived together so it's not that easy!) i got worried, she'd never open up to me. i ended up reading her journal she'd been writing ever since she felt she had issues...the same one i had been fully supportive of her going to...and to my horror it was full of her exes name. she and her ex had a littered past, he was controlling and insulting etc. etc. then it turns out she contacted him just before the xmas break. again i was horrified.after xmas i decided i think it was best we split as it was getting too confusing for her. it was the hardest thing ive ever done and she accepted and we were both happy...it seemed, 48 hours later she sleeps with the infamous ex.i've now chucked her out of the flat and i feel terrible. though she doesn't as she fell straight in to some other man's arms. not sure how it's going now....obviously i did my fair share in driving her away i.e. trying to "fix" her when she didn't want it...but is it right i feel bad now? is it right i still want her back?? i just want to know she's thinking of me i suppose. has anyone else been thru anything similar???thanks all
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male
reader, notaclue +, writes (4 February 2010):
notaclue is verified as being by the original poster of the questionok cheers guys. if anything i guess you're just telling me what i wanted to hear, thanks! and yes i know i'll eventually get over it...just didn't know if it was strange of me or not to still care for her. and still want some sort of frienship to exist...i.e. is it just me hanging on by a thread she may come back?? who knows.
anyway - thanks again!
A
female
reader, SillyA  +, writes (4 February 2010):
 Sounds like your a good guy who got hurt, and I know how much a breakup can suck. So NO you aren't a whimp for wanting to know that all the while you were trying to make it work that she had some kind of fond feelings about you (which I hope for her sake she did!). It's good to know you supported her in trying to better herself, but honestly it seems like the gal isn't worth your concern any further. I agree with being friendly with her, but I don't think friends would be the best choice (always seems to bring up old feelings and confuse people).
In my opinion, it might be a good idea to start getting out there and dating again! Have fun with your friends, learn something new, try a new hobby, I think these things could give you a new confidence and maybe a new perspective. Sorry for being so wordy!
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A
female
reader, girl from bristol +, writes (3 February 2010):
i dont think you did anything wrong she obviously did not love you much as she went to her ex and was contacting him why do that if she was happy with you but you should not have read her journal
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A
male
reader, notaclue +, writes (3 February 2010):
notaclue is verified as being by the original poster of the questionplus i forgot to say...the reason she started the journal was something that her therapist had recommended. something we had both agreed on and i had been fully supportive of...i.e. i had never looked down upon her for seeking help (like her ex did...) :( je ne comprends pas..!
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A
male
reader, notaclue +, writes (3 February 2010):
notaclue is verified as being by the original poster of the questionyes very good point. well she is french and hence the journal is/was in french so i knew i wouldn't be able to understand a word. i was just looking out for my name and the phrase "j'adore" or something...as a bit of a confidence boost i suppose...though all i saw was his name...thanks for the comment. surprisingly it's what everyone else has said i.e. there's loads more out there. we do also have friends in common (just a couple) and i'd truly love nothing more than to be mates...or at least it just be civil. i honestly hope the best for her - with or without me. just don't like the thought of it always being this tense between us. an i guess i need to know she cares in some way, shape or form. i don't know why though...maybe it's the wimp in me!??!
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A
female
reader, SillyA +, writes (3 February 2010):
Wow! You seem to have a lot of thoughts and feelings running wild right now.
First of all, you shouldn't have read her journal, that was meant to be a private place she could vent/express her thoughts and feelings. If you felt that uncontrollable urge to look, that means you were already feeling insecure and not trusting her before reading anything about the ex.
Now, it seems to be my opinion that this girl isn't ready to be in any serious or committed relationship, it seems like she needs to do some serious soul searching. As we all know, we have to love ourselves before we can properly love anyone else.
It isn't bad per say that you want this girl back, I think it's kinda normal to want what you had once it's gone, but I think you are increadibly young and have lots of fish in the sea to date! Try in the future to be more confident and not invade someone's privacy, espicially if you love them!
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