A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hi, I met this guy 5 months ago and we talked on the phone every day and we were texting each other all the time but he lives in another state, sometimes we had some fights over the phone because I blame him when he didn't call me back. I made mistakes, I was so aggressive and crzay (due to some problems that I have at work.)A week ago he said to me stop acting like you are my girlfriend and stop dragging me into a relationship full of drama.. I felt so sad because deep inside I know he was right so I stopped talking to him and that was a week ago! Just 2 days ago he changed his status on a website from single to in a relationship with a girl in his friends list.. I called him and I asked for a second chance, he said that I'm aggressive and busy with my job and we can't get married!! He said that we can be friends but I said no because I cant lie to myself, we talked and he was so sad, I know he likes me and I know I made mistakes but I dont know what to do because I'm in another state and both of us cant leave his job or school right now.
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female
reader, noonespecial2  +, writes (8 August 2009):
Hi there,
I think considering you're in different states, the only option would be to make things very casual and slow things down alot. This may be hard for you, yet it will have benefits for you as well, it can give you time to work on some of the issues you have identified like your aggression.
You mentioned you met him 5 months ago. Discussing marriage after 5 months is very risky. I have been in a long term marriage for 14 years which didn't work out and believe me, it is a huge committment and one that needs to be taken seriously and not rushed.
You said you used to fight when he wouldn't call you back. Did you leave a message asking him to call you back? To answer this a little more, you'll need to give some more information.
You said you were aggressive and crazy due to some problems at work. Have you reflected on whether you need to get another job? Are you resolving those issues at work? have you accessed your organizations complaints procedure?
What makes you take your stress out on him? have you seriously thought about this and taken responsibility to solve whatever it is that frustrates you? You're most probably very entitled to be stressed and angry, yet you're probably just not sure how to problem solve the issues you're facing. This is the area you can work on for yourself by taking distance from your guy. It will have benefits all around. If you have some success here, your guy will respect you and not see a relationship with you as drama ridden.
You said he changed his status on a website from single to in a relationship with a girl in his friends list. Does he have another girlfriend?
Good luck.
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