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*ay09
writes:I really need some help, I had found emails where my husband had been talking 2 other women, then heard message on his cell from this girl. This is a man that I trusted like I have never trusted another person on this earth, now I don't know what to do, I feel so alone! Help please. Reply to this Question
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reader, kay09 +, writes (9 September 2009):
kay09 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank's everyone!!I will keep an update on how or I do.you all r great! Thank's kay09.
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female
reader, kay09 +, writes (9 September 2009):
kay09 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI want to thank each and everyone for taking the time to try and help me on this..there is just so much more that has happened to me n life,I was just making it short.. I don't know what I'm going to just yet,he keep's saying he is so sorry and he love's me,I just don't know,all I know its has had me in a very dark place! Thank you all again. This mite really sound stupid but I feel like running fast and hard!!
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female
reader, devastated2008 +, writes (8 September 2009):
 Don't panic (I know its hard.) Stay calm and don't let your imagination take off. Right now, you only have a few "clues" and they could mean something or not. You say that you have trusted him like no one else, so for now continue to expect the best...rely on his past history of honesty and integrity to carry you through.What are you going to do if you get your answers? If you get a confirmation of cheating, will you be leaving him or will you be fighting for him?You need to decide before you keep looking for answers. Take some time and think this through, then you can plan your next step better. If you decide you love him enough to fight for him, it doesn't really matter if he's cheated or not. (I know its hard not knowing, but it will be worse having details.) If you decide, you'll divorce him then maybe the details do matter... idk your choice.Speaking from personal experience... I wish I did not have details... its much easier to move forward without harsh reality. Some may call it denial... I call it survival.Regardless, of what you decide and whether you have the answers, start looking your best, being your best, get back some of your youthful spirit and get active... if he's only toying with the idea of cheating... well turn up the heat and make sure YOU have his attention. It may be all that is needed to get him back on track and focused on YOU. I don't think you should confront him on this yet. Right now you have the advantage of knowledge he doesn't know you have and you can use this. If you get his attention focused on you, you should see a drop off of the email and phone usage. If you confront and he is cheating, he WILL deny it and you'll have no further access to check-up, and if he's not cheating- well you may turn him off with your distrust. So I recommend you hold that information to yourself. This is one of the most painful experiences imaginable and my heart and thoughts are with you. I am praying for you and your marriage. God Bless you.
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reader, anonymous, writes (8 September 2009): You need to take a personal inventory and decide what you want to do AND WHY. Do you love him and want to work through this, or are you scared that he'll leave and are willing to put up with anything he throws at you? Are you willing to share him? Do you want an honest relationship? Do you have feelings that you expect him to care about?If you decide that you want to leave, I'd suggest taking your time, get your economic affairs in order. Get a decient attorney, or simply go for a non-contest divorce. It's cheaper...Pay off all you common debt, get your own credit card, find out where all the money is (401Ks etc...), shut down all your joint credit cars and take 50% of all the liquid cash and your stuff in the same day. Clean split, leave him with 50%, less the money he's been spending on this chicks... make sure that your income taxes next year are paid by you (do NOT give him money to pay your joint taxes, I had a freind get taken for $250K by he ex, which she now remarried... go figure...)
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