A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I need help please..I am stuck in a time hole, I can’t move on or even more forward with my life because I freeze with the reaction of the women that loved and I spent almost one and half year of my life with. We had our arguments and things were not so good, she suddenly started making an excuses and pick up fight with me, and all the time shouting and swearing at me and my family, it was becoming too much for me to bear so I decided to stay away from her for a while for things to calm down. We got separated 4 months ago, during this period she never told me she doesn’t love me anymore or if at all this relationship is over. We were just talking (rather arguing) over the phone during this period. I know she has been looking for guys over the internet, as I find out her profile in one of the sites, anyhow she sent me a text recently which came as surprise which is summary saying:Don’t ever contact me and move on!! Between us is finished!! So cold hearted and so without any feelings, or emotions, I think she managed to do this because she has found someone now! I am sure about that, and she wants to move on, but she never even give me a chance to sit down and talk things over at least!! I am sure that would have helped me, It is so unfair and so devastating for me. I can’t bear seeing her with another person, we have not really finished, however I am going to say I wasn’t happy in that relationship, I was just fouling myself believing it was a relationship, and real love as it was all about her and her needs ….How can someone that you spent almost two full years of your life with, treat you like this? I am a human being , why can’t she treat me like one, with some feeling and caring? I never ever seen this side of her which really now put me off so much, but blaming myself of why did I continue with her ? I was madly in loved with her, but now I am looking back and asking to myself why, was I MAD? She never ever cared for me.I just feel so emotionally hurt, it has been some months now but I am not getting better, I am most devastated with the way that I have been treated, that is all, may be otherwise it would have been much easier to move on.Please tell me if I should be perusing her to talk to me? Specially now she is seeing someone I don’t think she will talk to me, but all this is so wrong, we haven’t finished, because we never talked this face to face and that is all I want to be able to move on, if I can move on…I don’t think I want to have her back, however I still have some strong feel for her, but I also don’t want to look silly in front of her, I don’t want to give her the satisfaction of feel of power, she enjoys that kind of things very much.I always thought it is all about love and nothing else, that is how I stayed and that is how I treated her, because I loved her.I need help please. Thanks
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female
reader, Carina  +, writes (26 February 2007):
 Poor you. My impression is that this woman decided to be cold and blunt breaking up with you because she knew you still had hope of getting back together. It sounds as though she kept you around until she found someone else just in case. I agree with you that it was cruel and uncaring way, but I guess it was the only way she knew how to tell you. As you're beginning to realise, she wasn't the right person for you and you know you deserve better treatment. Frankly it sounds as though you're better off without her. However, that doesn't stop you feeling broken hearted. I agree that you need to move on. Try to think of all the good things you gained from your time with her and what you learned from this relationship that you can take into a future relationship. It sounds as though you've been looking at dating sites already and that's good. There are other people out there who will be better suited to you and will love you instead of playing power games. Go out looking and put this woman out of your mind. Sometimes it helps to write a list of all the hurtful things she did and said to you. Then, when you're having a happy memory about her look at your list and remind yourself of the bad things in the relationship. In time you will feel better. Keep busy doing other things and remind yourself what a great person you are and that you deserve someone who loves you. This past relationship was not good. You know that. Go out and find something much better! Good luck.
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