A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I was wondering if there is a way you can tell if someone is using you as a friends with benefits sort of thing?I have been sort of involved with this guy for several months now. I feel certain that he does like me, however I do have my doubts because of other people's opinions and feel that I am being used. Sometimes, I feel unsure but I know that I do like him.Because of these doubts, I have been thinking about getting in touch with this guy saying that I need to talk to him and basically just ask him if he see things going anywhere or if this is just a hook up. And if it is, then I don't want anything to do with him because in the past, I have been used and I don't want it to happen again.Does this sound like a reasonable idea? And how can you tell if someone taking advantage of you?Thanks
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male
reader, CJH  +, writes (24 January 2011):
 Of course it sounds reasonable - you should be communication and both be agreed on the status of the relationship anyway!
One thing though, dont completely discount other peoples views but remember at all times that its you thats in the relationship, not them! Your feelings and opinions are what count here.
Speak to the guy, keep it clear and make sure he understands what youre saying.
Godd luck with this.
A
female
reader, Jen1689  +, writes (24 January 2011):
 I would talk to this guy about what he's wanting from you if you're interested in being with him as anything more than a hookup. There's absolutely nothing wrong with standing your ground and being upfront about what you want out of someone romantically. I went through the same thing with a guy, only we didn't actually do anything physically. We just hung out a lot and made-out a couple times. He also took me out with his friends and acted like we were a couple in front of them, but wouldn't when we were alone. I asked him several times what he wanted and he said he didn't want to commit because he had too much going on with his life. I asked if I should wait for him and he said yes. A couple weeks later, I heard nothing from him and things ended for good. It would've been nice to have known that beforehand. So yes, talk to him. If he isn't willing to give what you want, don't settle. You deserve better.
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A
female
reader, lovestruckash +, writes (24 January 2011):
3 words: follow your instincts.
If you wanted to be taken seriously and months passed he might not see you as someone he wants a relationship with. Just be aware that everyone around you noticed. Maybe your blinded?
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