A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I feel a bit silly about this because I think I'm too old to be going through this for the first time. I've had long relationships before that fizzled out. This is the first break up I've had, after 5.5 years, that ended with me being totally shocked and heartbroken. And I'm feeling all those cliche things. Things like; I'll never love anyone again, No one will ever love me, I'm going to be alone forever. I genuinely believe them too, even though I know in theory, that everyone feels like this. But I've never been heartbroken before. And after six months, I still don't feel any better about it. I have a therapist (since before the breakup) but therapy isn't helping (at least not in any noticeable way). I feel so old and like my chance to find love is over. I don't even feel like I could love someone new. I went on a dating app recently but it just made me feel worse. I feel like my heartache should have passed by now but it feels as overwhelming as ever. It gets in the way of me living my normal life. There is no bad behaviour on my ex's part (or mine) that I can cling onto and say, well I had a lucky escape, or we weren't right together. It's just their love faded and mine didn't. I'm not even sure what my question is. Just maybe tell me I'm wrong and that things will get better? Tell me your awful breakup story and the happy ending?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 September 2019): HiLet me start by saying - keep away from the dating sites! Yes they will make you feel worse because they are full of sleazy people who only want a hook up! In turn that makes it seem like there's nobody left out there and eventually leaves us feeling deflated about 'love'.Now getting down to it, i'm currently in the ex's position in that I recently came out of a long term relationship following falling out of love. That said, it's still difficult to adjust as we try to create new daily routines and we still grieve for what's lost.My advice is to accept being single as a positive thing. Once you stop the whole fear of being single, then you will feel so much better about yourself and about life. I know you're depressed but that is because you have not mentally accepted that you don't need a relationship to make you happy. What you need are other factors to compensate for a relationship until one comes along.My top tips would be;- Throw yourself into work! No matter what you do for a living go and give it some real effort, aim for a promotion or if you don't currently work, sign up for a course of some sort. Anything to preoccupy your mind from feeling lonely.- Eat healthy and maybe take up running/any kind of sport or workout. This will not only keep you busy but it will make you feel good about yourself and you'll feel more confident in the long run. You make even meet somebody whilst out running ;-)- Book a cheap flight, stick a backpack on and go see a bit of the world! This one can be for a couple of days, weeks or whatever! A change of scenery is so under-rated! Follow the above and stop focusing on finding a mate and I guarantee you will feel better in no time. Also - love tends to pop up when we least expect it.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 September 2019): HiHope you heal soon, I know you will. Times like these hold the greatest opportunities to take the reins of your life and direct it into the unknown, the thought of this can be scary but it's really not, it's just a rebirth.like many, my love life over the years has been a roller coaster ride, with heights of bliss,happiness and depths of despair, laughter, betrayal, trauma, abuse, death and love. I have loved all, and taken with me wonderful memories and very very painful memories. None of it stopped the route to finding love.You need to let go of the past because that's what it is now and make way for the new. Create an exciting new life, change everything if you have to, be true to you.35 is still young, your only old when you are old in mind and spirit, you can climb mountains if you 'want' to. That word 'want'desire'believe' are all key words to been a free spirit and CHOOSING your future, don't stay in yesterday it comes with you if it's love.A poem of some of my heartbreaks and recovery.The courage of my soldierturned his gun on mestood me in the firing linefor everyone to seeThe Architect my builderdesigned with loving handsbuilt me upthen tore me downsprinkled me like sand the kiss of Judas passed my lipsi'd waited for its callit stripped me of myselfthen wrapped me in forgivenessand gave me back my wealthturn silver into gold.
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (4 September 2019):
 You did dodge a bullet. He stopped loving you. Phew, good thing you werent married or had a kid together! Realize this. It is always better to have a wrong relationship end, than to have it carrying on. Even though I get that it hurts, because you still loved him. But that isnt enough, and never would have been.
Do what I do when hurt after a relationship: get a haircut. New hair=new start. Buy some really nice boots. And then go on vacation to some place with a beach and umbrella drinks. And then, if youre still not sure about new relationships, take a younger man as your lover. Works wonders. You will be over your ex in 3 months top.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 September 2019): Sweetheart, what you're feeling is hurt pride.
Don't date until you're feeling better. Six months isn't very long. It could take a year or longer to really get your emotions aligned. Dating before you're healed leads to dependency or rebounding. You have to get your head right; then start seeing people.
I also think you're being held hostage by a need for closure. You feel like you didn't have a chance to plead your best case, to get your point across, and you wanted to make your ex suffer over you. He probably moved-on quickly; or isn't showing the signs of wear and tear like you are. I bet you're even stalking him on social media! If you are, that's only pouring salt into an open wound!
Quit-it with the self-pity and the "woe-is-me" act. You're not a little girl, or a heart-broken teenager. Stop being such a drama queen! You're a grown-woman.
You don't stop hurting with age, but you do handle it with more grace and dignity. You don't give an ex so much power that they can make you fall-apart. You have to be scrappy and determined! You have to pull-it together, even when you feel yourself fraying at the edges.
You need more time. If you have anxiety-issues or suffer with depression; that could also be attributing to your delayed recovery and lingering despair.
Take it a day at a time. Don't give anyone the power to monopolize your feelings, thoughts, and emotions. It will drive you into depression.
You want to heal overnight, but that doesn't happen. It's a process. First you accept things consciously; then you have to convince your subconscious-mind to accept things. It still wants to repair things and rewrite history. You're embarrassed by the failure, too sensitive to what others see and think about your breakup; and he still has a hold on your feelings.
I know, because I've been there and I've done that.
Get through your grief. Fight with all your might. Even pretend you're okay, until you really are. Tell yourself everyday that you'll get through this! Keep saying it, until you mean it! Keep saying it, until you do!
I wrote this six years ago when I was where you are now.
http://www.dearcupid.org/question/when-will-i-finally-get-over-the-breakup.html
I've found new love and it's been going strong for the past five years! Hon, it gets better! Trust me!
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