A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:I'm approaching 40, divorced for almost 2yrs....had a boyfriend after divorce for about 8mos...he dumped me. Was pretty cold about it....why do I think of him daily? Was very close to his children, they still call me....I think about him every night....can't seem to get my social/dating life off the ground. Really want to meet a nice guy...no such luck. Everytime I meet a guy...all I do is say...he's not my ex! His friends say it wasn't me...he has commitment issues and can be selfish at times...but when we were together it was soooo good, then one day...it simply wasn't! I compare other men to him and then I resent the guys for not being my ex. I am an intelligent, reasonable woman...why do I still pine and heart-ache for a man that has simply tossed me aside and shows absolutely no interest in me whatsoever? It hasn't been that long since our breakup...(approx 5mos)I just want to get over him...I don't call or speak to him...I wish I knew how long this was going to hurt!
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female
reader, sarcy24  +, writes (23 November 2009):
 I really feel for you and can offer little words of support other than the only thing that will help you get over this is time. You are doing the right thing by not contacting him and behaving maturely and decently. When we split up after the initial week or so of anger we tend to think of the relationship in a fond manner and of all the good bits. You need to remember what your friends are saying about him. He obviously did have commitment issues, was selfish and was clearly cold at the end. This doesn't sound like ideal partner material does it?
As an intelligent well rounded woman post divorce you obviously weigh up the pros and cons of entering a relationship and this one wasn't for you. It was the first one after your divorce and often people cling to this 'one', I did. I actually still compare all the men I meet to my ex husband - who treated me terribly, but it is a case of the devil you know. It appears to be very common to compare possible beaus to the ex or to someone who 'dumped' you. All I do know is that eventually this will get better for you and one day you will wake up and not be pining or comparing or thinking of him. Good luck to you and my thoughts are with you.
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