A
male
age
30-35,
*b24
writes:I have been dating this amazing girl for 5 months, I am 24 and she is 20. We get along great and connect very well, however in the time we have been dating the subject of sex (or anything remotely close to the subject) has not been brought up yet. I have heard from a close friend of hers that she is a virgin, which is perfectly fine with me as she is one worth waiting for. It just bothers me that she hasn't said anything to me about it. I feel like she has a wall built around her and I would like to take the relationship further while respecting her boundaries. I do know that she has only had one boyfriend that lasted three months, it wasn't going anywhere and he broke up with her because he wanted to move faster than she did. She says she loves me and I love her as well, I would just like some advice on bringing up the conversation of sex while respecting her seeming discomfort of the subject. Thanks
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reader, anonymous, writes (28 October 2014): After 5 months? She says she loves you? I'd totally ask. How can you love someone you don't even feel comfortable talking to?
Don't bring it up in a way that makes it seem like that all you want, you say its not, but to never talk about it seems really odd to me. Sex shouldn't be a scary or taboo thing with the person you love, she should talk about why that is and work through it. With you or a therapist or something.
You could make a move and get shot down and it might make her more uncomfortable. You're the best judge to know if she's the type to work better with direct action or a conversation first.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (28 October 2014): No don't hint OP, make a move! Initiate something gently (kissing, massaging her shoulders, something like that) and see what she does - I guarantee she'll let you know what she's ok with. However, it doesn't sound like things have got very far with you at all yet, so don't expect it to just happen right away.OP I have never had a guy subtly drop hints about sex. It's not very romantic! Man up and start to increase the physical intimacy between you gradually. Make her feel like you want her, don't just say 'oh I was watching a tv show about sex the other day...and speaking of which...' It seems like you've been expecting her to make the move but I guarantee she'll be waiting for you to do that. Oh and as another poster said, who is going around talking about this girl's virginity?! How tacky!
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A
male
reader, TrancedRhythmEar  +, writes (28 October 2014):
 You are being overly sensitive not considerate. Bro youre acting like a wuss here. Shes waiting for u to bring the subject up. Ease into it by creating sexual tension ie making jokes about it and addressing indirectly. To women this screams comfortableness and confidence. Both are sexy traits women go for. Now, get after it. Good luck.
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A
female
reader, ramet-x  +, writes (28 October 2014):
 dont bring the topic up if at all you are not after sex.To her you might seem like you're after sex and she might start drifting away i will say it just like the other reader let the sleeping dogs lie you might create a storm inthe middle of a calm weather(if you get my meaning) That friend of hers isn't a nice person since she let the cat out of the bag that was supposed to be a secret nt a tell tale
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A
male
reader, CMMP +, writes (28 October 2014):
I've never made a habit of bringing up sex with women unless that's the only thing you want. That's what seduction is for.
Initiate intimacy and see where it goes. She'll make it clear what's okay.
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A
male
reader, olderthandirt  +, writes (27 October 2014):
 Tmay come as a shock to you but women rarely bring up the topic of sex just to chit-chat about. Her being a virgin has nothing to do with anthing about the subject. It's not like she's going to start up a conversation about the joys of virginity. Let sleeping topics lie.Deep breaths no hurry.And..who in the heck tells rumors abvout virginity anyway? It was never part of any conversationsI've everbeen involved with. Just sounds alien to me. It's like someone saying,"did you hear about Judy? she's a shoplifter"
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A
male
reader, db24 +, writes (27 October 2014):
db24 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI'm going to bring it up subtly this weekend. I guess I'm just looking for either a way to bring it into conversation, or hint physically.
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A
male
reader, db24 +, writes (27 October 2014):
db24 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI plan on hinting at it this weekend to relieve some tension this weekend, to lift some weight off a bit. Believe me sex is not what I am after with her, thanks for the advise more is welcome!
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A
female
reader, jls022  +, writes (27 October 2014):
Have you tried to bring it up with her at all? You say you're unhappy that she's not mentioned it, but it doesn't sound like you have either. Why don't you ask her if she wants to stay over at yours one night and see what she says?
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 October 2014): You don't know her level of discomfort if you haven't talked about sex.
Presumably it's on the horizon at some point and you should both have an idea of what you want.
Good luck and happy loving ;-)
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