A
male
age
,
anonymous
writes:HI, I am a 50 year old man, married for 24 years. I love my wife and she loves me, but my sexual problems are causing a very big strain in our relationship. I need to find an explanation of what is causing itSex was a very important part of my life and it was great until 6 years ago (I was not yet 44 then), when I first started to experience erectile difficulties, then shortly after total loss of sex drive, and now I have zero desire for sex, not even masturbation. I tried watching porn as an experiment - I have no reaction at all. Feels like sex just totally cut out from my life. I do have night erections however, which seems to indicate that it's not a problem of blood flow.I have done extensive research on this and closed out many of the factors that can contribute to my condition. Of course ED is common, but it seems like most of the time it's caused by things that I don't have.I am not taking any medication.Not diabetic.No cardiovascular problems.No difficulty with sleeping.Not overweight.Not clinically depressed.No alcohol, drugs, cigarettes, minimal caffeine.Doctors checked my testosterone levels repeatedly, sometimes it was at the lower end, but within normal range. I tried testosterone replacement therapy with injections for 6 month - no change. Some time later I tried it with Andro-gel also - again no change.Tried Viagra/Cialis/Levitra. These work to a certain degree, but I got severe side effects, especially from Cialis. And of course they don't do anything for the diminished libido part.I have seen doctors, urologist, endocrinologist, psychologist, sex therapist, acupuncturist, naturopath - so far no diagnosis or treatment.This problem of course is extremely frustrating for me and my wife. She feels hurt and rejected. She thinks if I would have a medical diagnosis, (for example if I would be diabetic), it would be easier for her to accept it. Without this, she still has a feeling that I just don't desire her.So it's a combination of chronic, long term low libido with ED - I have a feeling I exhausted all resources. I haven't found anyone with the exact same combination of problems . I need an answer...Thanks
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 December 2022): I hope that you will check the asnwers again, because I think that maybe this could help and it costs NOTHING!
You have to learn how to practise breathing in preparation for controlled exposure to cold temperatures.
My husband has never tried teh meds, but he did try pretty much everything else to deal with the sudden onset of some sort of ED.
Meditation helped a lot and so did the above mentioned method (google Wim Hof). You don't have to do anything as drastic as some people do, but it really helps. And not only with ED.
Doctors find ONLY what they look for. There's no single test for everything. And they NEVER look for all the possibilities. They look for what they think is probable. And every doctor is limited by their specialty. You know te saying, when you're a hammer? And the other one, when they hear hooves they tink horses not zebras. Well... try this it has saved my husband!
And me.
I have two autoimmune diseases and we both had the long-covid. For the latter it helped a lot but we had to take adequate therapy (you're lucky, because the doctors are in California... we're in Europe), but for everything else it was a life saver!
You can download a free app and take it step by step. Your wife can join you. That's what I did. It changed my life too.
Don't give up!!!!
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (12 December 2022): It is all in your head. You have failed once and now you worry you might fail again. My advice touch yourself and see if you can get it up and repeat till the doubt is gone.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (12 December 2022): In follow-up:
"So it's a combination of chronic, long term low libido with ED"
Contradicts:
"I do have night erections however, which seems to indicate that it's not a problem of blood flow."
This type of ED is called psychogenic ED. In this case, there is nothing wrong in the blood and nerve supply of the penis so men with this type of erection problems will still have morning erections. Psychogenic ED is more common in younger men.
Doctors don't usually prescribe drugs like Viagra or Cialis if there is nothing wrong with blood flow; or they find no other physiological or neurological reason that causes erectile dysfunction. However, some are pill pushers; and will give the patient whatever they ask for. The pills should have worked; giving spontaneous erections (morning or night), if there is nothing physically wrong with you. They help in blood flow to attain erections; but they don't make you want sex. I think deep down inside, subconsciously, you know why you're no longer interested in sex. Porn is not a scientific method of checking for ED; so rule that out. No-one can explain your lack of interest in sex medically and scientifically; so it's all in your head.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (11 December 2022): You've tried everything, but I find it odd any ethical doctor would prescribe Cialis, Viagra, or Levitra to a man who isn't suffering from erectile dysfunction? Doctors know it doesn't make a man sexually-attracted to his partner, or increase your libido. There are a lot of placebos out there that claim they can; but aphrodisiacs are a myth.
As some men and women grow older, their interest in sex may diminish; or dissipate altogether. Usually for health reasons, or aging; but sometimes it's attributed to deeply-rooted psychological reasons. Stress, trauma, and internalized emotional-conflict can kill the libido. You can love someone without being sexually-attracted to them. I think there's something going-on subconsciously that you may need to come to terms with. You claim you're physically healthy, and your testosterone levels are normal. You otherwise, had a healthy sex-drive...until all of a sudden.
Maybe you're simply not sexually-attracted to your wife anymore. Maybe you never really were; but she's your best-friend. For her sake, or at least we'll take your word for it, you've been tested and have seen all sorts of specialists.
Well, I hope you still know how to be affectionate enough to make your wife feel attractive and wanted. You will have to compensate in other ways, if unable to offer her sexual-intimacy by means of sexual-intercourse.
You may have lost interest in sex; but that doesn't mean you can't love her enough to do whatever you can to offer her sexual-pleasure. Women do it for men all the time.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 December 2022): Have you been referred onto a specialist… sounds like a friend of mine who in his case his pituitary gland is not making testosterone. Maybe have bloods done again and second opinion and get specialist second opinion if you have not done so. The friend is on gels, injections and takes Ed meds viagra and Cialis.
As for your wife it’s not fair for her to make its because of her sounds like you are doing everything. Might be worth if she went to seek counselling to deal with her feelings and not add to the pressure and stress you must be under
Please update Like to know if you have any findings
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 December 2022): Have you been referred onto a specialist… sounds like a friend of mine who in his case his pituitary gland is not making testosterone. Maybe have bloods done again and second opinion and get specialist second opinion if you have not done so. The friend is on gels, injections and takes Ed meds viagra and Cialis.
As for your wife it’s not fair for her to make its because of her sounds like you are doing everything. Might be worth if she went to seek counselling to deal with her feelings and not add to the pressure and stress you must be under
Please update Like to know if you have any findings
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