A
male
age
51-59,
*oris Grushenko
writes:Well, it I lost it a little over two and a half years ago. I was struggling after a divorce and when I finally took up sports again - a first hint at getting to my feet again - it lasted six weeks and then, some day, I was out for a ride and woke up in the grass next to my bike. Nothing broken, except for my last dreams. I was dragged from one scan to another test and it finally turned out I had hypertrophic cardiomyopathy: a thickening of the heart tissue that can cause sudden death.I not going to die anytime soon because I'm no longer doing sports (I can't bear going out for a quiet ride and when I try, I come back with the most sinister thoughts) and I had an ICD. An implant under my left collarbone that results in an ugly bump under an even uglier scar. Being lefthandd, I am even limited in my daily functioning. But even at the moment of my first visit to a cardiologist - even before the ICD -, I realized that it would be nearly impossible to find a new relationship. I've always been very shy, insecure and even anxious when it came to relationships (I have a history of being bullied as a child), my first thought in the cardiologist's office was that there would be an extra obstacle: the ICD and my condition would drive possible candidates away. And while all my friends assure me that will not be the case, on the one occasion that I dared to hint at something else than friends, I was turned away because of my heart condition.I am not quite sure how to handle this situation. I'm not ready to accept remaining single for the rest of my life but the idea of having to tell somebody about my condition at some point (which point?) and the experience that is does make a diference have turned something I deemed nearly impossible into an impossibility.
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