A
female
age
41-50,
*eltedcheese
writes:I was seeing a guy for 3.5 years and in October he sent me an email saying that he had to finish it as he loved his kids more than me (they don't know about me) and he wasn't ready to move in together. We were looking at flats together 2 days before and I have only ever been supportive about his kids so as you can imagine - I was pretty devastated. He also did this the day before my oldest friend's wedding which I missed because I was too devastated to go, a few days after I had to sit a really tough course and exam. His timing was so incredibly selfish.Anyway, I picked myself up through the help of my friends and I started dating again, when in December, having not heard anything from him in 2 months, he hand delivers some ridiculously expensive gifts through my door with a xmas card. So of course to begin with, I write to him and tell him I do not want his gifts and I have moved on without him, but then over the holiday period, I start thinking things over and realised I was not over him. He wrote me an email saying that what he did was the biggest mistake he'd ever made. My head was messed up, I felt it only fair to cool it off with the guys I'd been dating. A few weeks passed and I agreed to meet up with the ex. Of course he was telling me he had changed, he was crying (I've been through this with him 3 times before and every time the same)and that he could never do that to me again. Because I have such strong feelings for him I begin softening towards him.A few days later (last week) I wrote to him and told him that I need to see some evidence of how he's changed and if he has the slightest doubt that he could do the same then he needs to be honest and end it now, stop messing with my life and let me move on. So I get an email back saying he can't look me in the eye and tell me that he has sorted out all his issues so he needs to do the decent thing for once in his life and end it here!!! We meet up because I want it to end on good terms this time, its very emotional, there are many 'I love yous' from both sides and we then walk away from each other. He has said that he will sort out his issues and come back for me when he is confident that he can give me a proper relationship. He believes he will sort it one day as we are soulmates. And now I can't get that out of my head which I fear is not going to allow me to move on. The simple fact of the matter is that I actually don't want to move on. I want him. But I do not want the half relationship that he can offer me, I am feeling pretty damn lonely at the moment and am practically sitting on my hands so's not to contact him. Someone please tell me not to contact him! I was doing really well before he got in touch again, and now I feel completely at his mercy. It's not fair! Has anyone else been in a similar situation? Any advice?
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move on, period, soulmate, wedding Reply to this Question
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female
reader, meltedcheese +, writes (19 January 2010):
meltedcheese is verified as being by the original poster of the questionYeah, I get that. If he wants to be with me he'd make it happen right? I'm not hanging around any more.
A
female
reader, meltedcheese +, writes (19 January 2010):
meltedcheese is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you for your response.He seperated from her 4 years ago, so yes, I got involved probably too soon after the seperation. By his own admission, he is still living a limbo life where he is at her beck and call and that is what he needs to fix (his own words not mine). I have put it to him that if he wants us to get back together, he needs to show me the commitment and one of the ways to show this would be to stop hiding me from his family. Until he can do that, I have told him I can't be in his life. But this is where I am struggling, in lonely/weak moments I am tempted to contact/see him but I know that this will only undermine my tough love approach. I am feeling strong at this moment but in the evenings I am pining. It's hell.
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