A
female
age
41-50,
*Woody
writes:Please help . . .I have been in my relationship for a year and my boyfriend continued to write to his ex girlfriend in Germany. I found one letter (it was not hidden) and it was basically confessing his undying love for her (he has not done that to me). I finished our relationship then we went back out together after he said that he did have feelings for her but they are now still friends and that he wanted to be with me.The trouble is this has left me so jealous and insecure of all his female friends. It's a horrible feeling and I really like him. He is a laid back person and this has left me tense and when I see him we tend to argue.He lives in a shared house and has a really good female friend that one of his housemates said to me that this girl should be with my boyfriend! I told my boyfriend and he said that they are just friends . . .Anyway, I was in his car the other day and there was a card in there to this female friend who was going out with one of my boyfriends freinds. I opened this card and in there it had written 'sorry I couldn't make your birthday. I am even sorrier that Chris told me your 'hot friend' was there !!!! This card was written when we were together and again gives me more reasons to feel jealous and insecure - am I over reacting?
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ex girlfriend, his ex, insecure, jealous Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, romanticlover +, writes (9 July 2007):
 no your definatly not over reacting you have a right to feal jealous i think you should question him about this stuff and if he doesnt answer then you know what to do.
A
female
reader, Beckto  +, writes (9 July 2007):
 If you are asking if being concerned and insecure about your relationship is 'over reacting' then I say "Hell No!!" You SHOULD be concerned if he has been writing to his ex professing his love for her! You SHOULD have trouble trusting him after that!
You need to decide if it's worth it. Assume that things won't change with how he is. Assume that there will always be some version of this infedelity in your relationship if you stay together. Can you see yourself being happy in another year? In 5 years? In 20?!
I bet the answer is 'no' if you are upset now. Things don't seem to have changed with him even after breaking up once. So, I suggest you find someone who will treat you the way you should be treated.
Good luck!
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A
female
reader, Ask_HanBan +, writes (9 July 2007):
 No your not over reacting, I'd do the same if i were u.
the evidence is piling up, confront him, tell him all this
gd luk hannah:)
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A
male
reader, Danielepew  +, writes (9 July 2007):
 I don't think you're overreacting at all. He has clearly been doing things he shouldn't, since he says he loves you. You should request clarification about the meaning of that last post-card. You know, this is the second time you find something you shouldn't find and he claims this is just friendly.
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A
female
reader, rambini +, writes (9 July 2007):
 not at all. to b honest he is lucky uv stuck around this long, n def duznt deserve to still be with u. i dont want to hurt u feelings at all but it does appear like he is with you, but still has his eyes open for other availabilities. so far it has been ok, but what about if one of these ppl becomes a possibility, i cant c him sticking around. u need to have a serious talk with him, n say that it is totally unacceptable, the fact that he doesnt even bother to hide things demonstrates a total disrespect for you, he is takin the mick n u need to stand up 4 urself. u seem like a really nice person, n u deserve to be with sum1 who thinks the world of you. remember to the world u r one person, but to one person ur the world. good luck x x x
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