A
female
age
36-40,
*pple-s
writes:I've met a guy 7months ago. We've been sleeping together we text each other everyday he calls sometimes. 5months ago i told him that i want a serious relationship. So i asked him where do i stand with you? Am i your girlfriend? And he could'nt give me a straight forward answer. After asking him i havent heared from him in 2 days My question is what should i do?
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female
reader, shrodingerscat  +, writes (6 May 2013):
 If he can't give you a "straight answer", he's giving you a straight answer. He doesn't consider you his girlfriend.
If you're looking for an actual relationship and not just a FWB situation, it's time to move on.
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (6 May 2013):
 you asked and he's GONE... that's your answer honey.
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A
female
reader, BluAsThSky +, writes (6 May 2013):
 It is possible that the two of you want different things,but before Jumping the gun and ditching him right away, give him at least a week. Maybe you have not heard from him because he is trying to gather his thoughts together. But if you havnot heard from him in a week I would take another look at his motives.
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A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (6 May 2013):
 Yeah, 5 months and you're having sex? He's already answered your question, meaning he's using you until someone else comes along.
Like other people have said, the "boyfriend" question must be answered before sexual activity starts. Exclusivity, a concrete relationship where the question is as easy to answer as breathing needs establishing.
Sorry it's not the answer you were looking for, and I'm thinking you may need to cut your losses.
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A
male
reader, CMMP +, writes (6 May 2013):
Well he's obviously not giving you what you want, so what do you think makes sense? Stay with him and possibly miss an opportunity with someone you're better suited to, or leave him and find someone who shares your relationship goals?
Changing him is not an option BTW.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 May 2013): He's probably avoiding the question. You dont give much info except that he sleeps with you and texts you everyday, with an occasional call here and there.
Is he someone you can rely on? For instance, he'd be there in a heartbeat to help if your car brokedown? He helps you around the house or with school or work projects? Have you met his friends and family? Does he make time for you apart from sleeping together? Does he take you out on dates and celebrates special occasions with you, eg, Valentine's day, birthday? Do you feel like he loves you?
If you answered yes to all these questions then he probably does have feelings for you and may just need time to reply. If you answered no to all or most of these questions then he probably is just in it for the sex and is ignoring the question, and will continue to ignore it. And will also continue trying to have sex with you without committing to you.
If you want a relationship with a guy its not enough to let them know that's what you want. You have to make sure he wants that too, especially before sleeping with him. And that's something best judged by his actions, not so much his words.
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A
female
reader, Intrigued3000  +, writes (6 May 2013):
 I've been where you are. I stayed with a man, hoping that one day he would call me his girlfriend. I was absolutely head over heels in love with him. He ended up dumping me and breaking my heart. I don't think I've fully recovered. In retrospect, I wish I had left him the first time he told me that he did not want to be in a relationship. I think it would have saved me a lot of heartache and wasted time.
I would advise that you do not put him on a pedestal and make him the centre of your universe, and no matter how hard you try to make him love you and commit to you, it just does not work. There is a saying, "You can lead a horse to water, but you can't make him drink it."
If it's only sex that you want, then enjoy it, but I have a feeling that you really want more. He is not willing to give you more. He stated that very clearly.
I would suggest that you find someone else who is looking for a serious relationship and don't waste anymore time on this guy.
Best of luck.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (6 May 2013): Well you're not his girlfriend, he doesn't want anything serious with you that's very obvious. So what do you want to do?
For the record just because you said 5 months ago that you wanted something serious doesn't mean he owes you anything nor did he deceive you, nor did he use you seeing as you stayed for a whole 5 months enjoying the sex too.
So either continue sleeping with him and accept that's all he has to offer or walk away. Your choice.
My opinion would be to walk but you seem perfectly fine with just sex for 5 months so maybe that's fine by you.
OP 7 months is plenty of time for him to know. He definitely doesn't want a relationship with you. Just sex.
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