A
female
age
30-35,
*mpmysilence
writes:so I've been going to this bar for 2 months now and I've made really good friends with pretty much every single guy that works there. the bartender might have a small crush on me but I'm interested in one of the security guards. we joke around a lot and recently started playing pool when he gets off of work early. we've been getting to know each other better and I've come to notice he isn't a very emotional person. like say when I go to give him hugs he always says "oh that's right you're a hugger". finally I asked him "why aren't you?" he said "no not really so if I'm hugging you its a good thing." then the other night it was slow so he came and sat with me and a friend and they were both teasing me about stuff. I said I was grossed out when people spit. and he asked me if I was a spitter or a swallower... I paused and said jokingly "i snowball". he looked disgusted and laughed saying "well if I ever go to kiss you and it looks like you have something in your mouth I'll know not to kiss you." he also stole my phone to see if I had nudey pics which I didn't have. I stole it back and asked him what his number was so I could "bug him on a regular basis." he said "no I already have enough people bugging me on a regular basis." so he didn't give me his number. (wtf) I was like "well what happens if I wanna send you nudey pics." he got this half smile on his face and said "you wouldn't do that anyway." and I smiled and said "mmm nope. you gotta buy me dinner first." he jokingly said "well there is a mcdonalds across the street." then I can't remember what was said but he asked me what's wrong with him and I looked him all over making sure it was obvious my eyes were trailing down to his crotch and said "idk I haven't seen the whole package yet." he laughed at that and said "oooh I see." but see after he got done visiting me and my friend he went into the other part of the bar and he sat down with this chick and was talking to her for a good 40 minutes or so. it looked like she was there alone. maybe theyre old friends or something. he was sitting so he could easily glance at me if he wanted to. and my girl friend said when he got up to go back to work she caught the chick looking in our direction a few minutes later. this girl also struck me as very rude because it was last call and my friend was buying everyone shots and this chick kept rolling her eyes even tho my girl friend was buying her shot after shot too. ugh some girls... idk. but this time when I went to leave I didn't even have to put my arms out for a hug he did it this time. I guess I should mention I'm 21 and really friendly outgoing and he is 29 like I said kinda emotionally detached it seems but we joke around a lot and he always is smiling when I look at him. the girl he was talking to is 26 ish I believe. is he not interested, doens't know what he wants, playing hard to get? why wouldn't he give me his number? lol also my guy friend said at times he thinks he sees him checking me out. like at the very end of the night when we were sitting out in the parking lot i was starting to take off my hoodie (i had a corset on underneath) and he came to lock up the door and saw me taking my sweater off and as he was walking away he did the whole head turn thing until he couldn't see me anymore. so i guess he was definatly checking me out then. i feel like I should also mention that when we playing pool last weekend he was trying to give me pointers. and I told him I usually just get lucky. and he said "luck is like finding relationships. it comes up on you when you least expect them." but he said it so matter of factly and I didn't want to read too much into it. any idea of whats going on with this guy? help would be much appreciated.
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female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (10 August 2011):
 Okay, I've the DC Manual out with pen poised..."snowball"?
A
female
reader, k_c100  +, writes (10 August 2011):
 Not really sure to be honest - its hard to say what is going on in his head because only he knows!
But what I can say is that you have been incredibly sexual with him, all your jokes and flirting revolves around sex and being quite dirty, so he may be thinking either a) you are just joking and messing around with him or b) you are just after sex and he is not into that.
When you asked for his mobile number it was in a jokey, I'm an immature girl who wants to 'bug you' kind of way - you didnt make it clear that you like him and want to get to know him better. He is a bit older than you so he may well be more mature, looking for a relationship rather than just sex, and he may be looking for a more mature girl rather than a silly 21 year old who acts very immature around him.
If you really like him - then come out with it and tell him. Explain that you like him and would he mind giving you his number so you can get to know each other better. If he still says no - then he really is not interested. Hopefully he will say yes and give you the number so that will clear things up for you.
But it does sound to me that he thinks you are physically attractive (hence checking you out) but you are a bit immature and sex obsessed, and not serious girlfriend potential.
Maybe try talking about intelligent, serious topics and flirting with him in a more subtle way - see how he reacts to that.
I hope this helps and good luck!
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