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female
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anonymous
writes: Question to those,who went down on the divorce lane. Well, I can't make up my mind ,but I think about it everyday,at the last 5 years. I think I will drive myself cazy ,if it will go like that ,for much longer.But I'm really unhappy. Here is what is going on,He is not affectinate ,he works all the time, he does not want sex, he does not want to do anything with me. It started when we were just 43. I was waiting,and wating.Trying to get him change ,councelling etc. But he works and works, and does not see what he does.I can't convince him.I thought he was the love of my life, but not too sure anymore,Now I think maybe we never even loved eachother.What should be my guidline for making my choice?I have nobody else,I'm actually really scared,to do that, but I don't know if I can stay for an other year. What do you think?
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male
reader, rugmonkey  +, writes (7 July 2009):
I have not been married, nor divorced, so please take my advice with a grain of salt.When you tell your husband you want him to work less, do you take the next step and explain that you are okay with what that means financially?"I would rather sell the house and live in an apartment than lose you, and I feel like that's what's happening.""I know that we will have less money for shopping. I know that you like me to have nice things, but I would rather you not work so much. I'll cut back on my shopping, so that we have fewer expenses."Also, what sort of job does he have? Can he actually work less, or is it not flexible in that way?Also, to what extent does his job define him and give him happiness? When you are asking him to work less, it might feel like you are asking him to give up a significant part of himself.You loved him, you still do. But you're so lonely and feel so neglected that you can't experience that love as something joyful. Right now it only brings you more pain.It's time for some really honest discussions with your husband. Have him block out time on a day a week or two from now so that you can talk things out and not feel rushed. Don't give into the urge to have the discussion sooner when he has just a few free minutes and seems willing to talk. You'll regret it later.Divorce is an option, but if you two can pull through this together your marriage will be much stronger for it and you will grow deeper in your love.Good luck!
A
female
reader, Jess1ca_1988 +, writes (7 July 2009):
well that is a really good queation first of all. Everyone deserves to be happy, and a woman should always feel like she is loved and wanted. If he loves you he should want to make you feel like you r the most beautiful on earth, like he wants to wake up to you every day and be there for you. But you can't change ppl if you have been with him that long and you still aren't sure then its not love, bc love is the feeling like nothing else in the world matters as long as you have each other, and u dont have to have nice things to be happy, whaen after five years of being together you still get butterflies in your stomach when you see him or when he kisses you ur knees start to tremble.
But nobody can make the decision for you, but I hope I have helped
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