A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I´ll start saying I'm from Brazil and have feelings for a guy who is deployed in Afghanistan in the USAF. We chat often in Skype and have known him for 4 years now. In all this time, I haven't asked him his middle name and when I asked him today, he started with evasiveness to the point I got upset. Please read the conversation:Me: so, I guess that's one of the things ur not going to tell me also?Him: Is that not fair? I'm sorry XXXXX. I know that's friends should share many things, but the nature of our relationship could be potentially conflicting with my duties.Me: Why???? is just ur middle name n that means that I shouldn't ask anything b/c I'm not white n American?Him: I don't mean to make you mad. Please do not be. Most people I know do not know my middle name. It is uncommon to ask such questions. I am not defensive about you personally. I am just concerned about privacy. Even now someone could be monitoring or recording our conversation. Everything done through the Internet is saved, forever.Me: I'm not mad. I'm heart broken. In 4 years of friendship I tried to showed 2 u I really care B/c I really do, n sometimes I feel like u do act defensive to me. Maybe someday...Him:XXXXX, I understand where you're coming from. If we are friends, whether you can allow me to share what I am comfortable about sharing and how I share it should be okay. WHat is most important to know about me?Me: What is most important thing you want me know?Me: What is I can know?Him: Sorry. ... you'd like to know about me?Me: many things, but I guess i won't get any answer anyway. So I'll try to keep it as casual and polite as possible. Sorry it won't happened againMe: I gotta go, I hope u have a good rest. Regards30 min later he replies:Him: Good night XXXXX.Should I keep trying with him or just forget about him. I feel really bad.
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male
reader, Ven  +, writes (19 October 2010):
I come from a military family, and I can tell you that there are plenty of things he can't talk about on deployment (over phone, mail, or internet). Two of those things include information about where he is (which is generally classified for troops on deployment in war zones), and what are called personally identifiable factors.You can call him Dave, you can use his last name. But he can't give you his full name, his parent's full names, or anything else that would identify him specifically because it has the potential to put his life and family at risk.It's not about not trusting you. Half the time I can't even get my brother to tell me what the weather is like because it's too informative as to his whereabouts.So I would suggest you forgive this man, tell him you were sorry for pushing when he couldn't talk about it, and pretend it never happened.
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