A
female
 ,
anonymous
writes:Hello...I've been in a relationship for about 3 years, and have lived with my fiance for about a year. Things are usually good, except for these fights we have. It will start out a stupid small argument, and end up on something completely off topic. But let me give you some background info.We live in a condominium that belongs to me because my mother mortaged it for me when I was homeless. We split things down the middle, I pay half the rent, and he pays half. I'm disabled, so I pay for the food and the electric bill during the winter since I have assistance with it. He works and pays for the rest while I buy animal food and things for my pets with what I have left after I pay the rent.Anyway, the fact that the house is essentially mine has caused all kinds of issues with him. He'll get upset about something and not say anything until it comes out later in a huge fight. When I ask him why he never spoke up in the first place he says.."I can't, you'll throw me out of here if I make you mad at me." The fact is, I would never do that. I have told him before that if he couldn't handle it he needed his own place, because the facts don't change.But he's essentially turned into a mouse...Whenever I disagree with him he backs down, folding his hands in his lap with his head down.he won't make a decision about anything, he always waits for me to twll him what to do, whats ok and what isn't. He's essentially made me have to be the on "in charge" of everything. but thats not what I want! He won't open up and be truthful to me until much much after the fact, and that just annoy's me...Help! what do I do here????
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female
reader, LISAG +, writes (21 November 2006):
 Sounds like living somewhere else would be a much better option. Why not rent the condo out and move to neutral ground where you both have equal say? Although you do not say in what way you are disabled ? As I was wondering if your condo might be tailored for your needs if you are physically disabled ? I know how this sort of thing does create tension as I have always owned my own house and had boyfriends live with me paying me as a lodger. If it is not feasible to move out together then you both need to have an honest talk about everything, lay down some sort of guiding rules for you both to stick to. It is hard to talk face to face about how the other person annoys you but if you don't get it out in the open, how can you start to move forward with this ?
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