| A
female
,
anonymous
writes: How come my bf won't look at me or kiss me during sex and only enjoys doggy position? He has also started massaging my anus. Does he have gay tendencies? Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (16 December 2007): Anal massage is not a gay activity. I have seen a anal massage instructional video. Although I have not yet experienced it, the activity looks quite pleasurable. see: http://secure.eroticmassage.com/store/section/7
Hope this helps.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (26 June 2006): Nice, good call Ms. Anon! 8]
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (26 June 2006): Thank-you Yos. I acknowledge that you may be wrong but I have been married for 26 years and hate sex with my husband because he has never looked at me but stuffs his face into the pillow with a horrendous charechature look on his face like a grimace. He can only sustain an erection if penetrating from the back and it is like having sex with a penis rather than a man. I am no longer inter4ested in trying to sort out the problems, I don't like the 'dark side' of this and we are divorcing.
...............................
A
female
reader, Smiler +, writes (26 June 2006):
 Hey Sweetie
I seriously doubt he's having gay tendencies follow yos's advice cause its spot on :o)
Good Luck
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (26 June 2006): I think that is an excellent reply by Yos and agree with his view, and with his hunch.
How is your boyfriend when you are being affectionate / kissing without it being a pretense to sex? (e.g. you are not being affectionate to have sex) Does he seem distant or uncomfortable then too?
I think this would be a good way to find out how big the problem is and, with Yos's advice, you can take it from there... Good luck :)
...............................
A
male
reader, Yos  +, writes (26 June 2006):
 It probably has nothing to do with being gay or not.
It sounds like he has intimacy issues with sex. You need to talk to him about it, tell him what you have experienced and tell him that you would like to be intimate with him.
Some things you can try:
- One of you lie still and the other touches them. Do this very slowly, avoid the genitals and breasts as long as possible (at least 1/2 hr!). The person doing the touching should tell the other how they are feeling, and the person being touched should show their appreciation and offer suggestions and guidance (touch me there, yes thats nice, i like it when you lick me there, etc). The idea is to promote sexual contact over your whole bodies, and to improve your communication. Google 'sensate focus' for more on this.
- Have sex very slowly in the missionary position, with you both maintaining eye contact the whole time. See how long you can do this for. It's not about orgasm, its about how close you can get to the other person.
- Try just communicating emotionally, without words. Hold each other very close and just 'feel' what your feel for the other person. See if you can let your emotions touch each other without needing to speak. It is possible, trust me.
Now for my hunch. What your boyfriend is going through sounds to me a lot like someone who has been exposed to too much porn (this is a big guess by the way). Porn pushes us away from intimacy during sex, and pushes us towards more extreme forms of sex. It also desensitises us to a 'normal' person and 'normal' sexual situation: for instance that it takes a hardcore video to get aroused enough for orgasm. His behaviour fits with this. He could prefer this position because he is recalling porn fantasies to bring himself to orgasm. He could be touching your anus for the same reason (much modern porn is very anally focussed). And not wanting to be intimate because he's not associated intimacy with sexual sensation. Porn = anonymous.
If you think this is possible you might want to ask him about it. Ask him if he looks at or has looked at a lot of porn, and whether the porn ends up in his mind a lot while he is having sex with you. If it is (and he admits to it), then you should have a talk about it and what can be done. Pretty much its what I've listed above, plus making sure to stop looking at porn. Note: this is a big guess, there are many other possible reasons for his behaviour. It just happens to fit this pattern (which i have seen before).
...............................
|
