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female
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anonymous
writes: I am thinking about breaking up with my boyfriend but....I am 17 and my fiance' is 24, I do care about him but he is too possesive over me. I just want to grow up and go out with the girls and spend time with my friends but it will destroy him if we broke up. Also I am worried that I will miss him and regret breaking up with him and I don't want to make anyone unhappy if its un-necessary.I can go to my mums, he'll have to struggle paying the rent or move in with his mother who he doesn't get on with and only bothers when she wants something.Sometimes I hate him for stopping me from doing things with friends etc but other times I adore him and can't wait until we marry.How can I be sure?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 October 2005): have a break from him, you will soon see how much happier you are, then leave him for good. Harsh truth. I would like to say just leave him, but I know from personal expereince it is tough. Real love lets you be free and encourages you to be who you are, if he isn't doing this, then it is not true love. This situation will not get better it will get worse. You have alot of living to do and many more loves to find..go be free
A
female
reader, eyeswideopen  +, writes (21 October 2005):
 You think you feel sufficated NOW just wait until the MARITAL BANDS are in place. Then you'll really be trapped. Just tell him you need some space at this point in time. You can always decide what you want to do with this relationship at a later date. You have the rest of your life to be married but you only have this short period of time to be a teenager and have fun with kids your own age.
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reader, anonymous, writes (20 October 2005): Queen gives good advice and I'm throwing in some of my own opinions, as well. I'm amazed how when we are confronted with an uncomfortable dilemma, how some of us retreat into confusion and then the dreaded self-doubts take over. Don't do that to yourself. If you're unhappy and feel you need a 'break', then begin taking responsibility for your happiness and just do it. Relationships are risks..your bf should be able to handle this. I'm sure he'll be able to survive the "reality" that life is mixed with pleasure and pain and this will be a painful moment for him. What I find interesting about your situation, is the excessive guilt and obligation you feel toward this man. It's like you owe him something for some things he's done for you. This tells me, that you have not been in a healthy relationship with this guy. At the very least, it doesn't sound like you've never have had equal bargaining & decision-making position, all along with him. Have you always been easily overpowered, always assuming that your boyfriend is right, because he is older? he sounds overly possessive and you have to see that is wrong, as well. I think you are being forced to be emotionally mature and you aren't ready for that. You do need to feel how good it is to be 17. Just be honest and tell him you want to begin enjoying your life to the fullest with your friends and other young people your own age. By continuing this relationship with this fellow and not being honest with him, you will continually shortchange your maturing process..by martyring your own happiness for his. Real love when two people care about each other's happiness without any concern for themselves. It's not what they OWE each other something. And most importantly, it's when we make our foolish mistakes or even when we inconvenience them personally, they're not disappointed or angry with us. They accept each other lovingly..flaws and all. So will he be hurt when you break it off? Sure he will. But he will survive, so quit being too hard on yourself and do what you have to do-to find happiness with YOUR life.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 October 2005): I know that there is an age gap but that doesn't bother us or our family, I am working full time and help pay the bills, that isn't a problem.
I am just angry with him for not letting me live my life and do all the things he's done in the past. I understand that he regrets alot of them and he is trying to protect me but I feel trapped.
I can't just call it a day with him, I couldn't break his heart like that. I often picture myself single and going out with friends and enjoying myself but I care about him too much to hurt him. I feel as though because I have told him that I love him and want to spend the rest of my life with him that I can't now take that back and tell him I love him still and care about him still but I want to be single, I would feel nasty and as though I have led him on when he does so much for me.
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female
reader, QueenB75 +, writes (20 October 2005):
I am going to be honest with you on this what could you possibly have in common with someone of 24? You're 17 you're still a kid practically this guy is grown and doing things you're not able to do. You need to be with someone who is the same age as you are because the level of life experience is way different between teenagers and adults. You need to spend time with men your own age and he needs to be with a woman not a child. This guy is acting the way he is because in a way he's treating you like a child and not as a lady should be treated. This guy is the typical age of when most people are graduating from college and starting graduate school and you're of the age most are finishing up high school. Focus on being a kid and not putting so much emphasis on a man.
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