A
female
age
51-59,
*nnsumm
writes:I have just ended a 6 month relationship with a guy. As he began to become more involved in my life, I realised that he was aggressive (even though he never actually hit me), neurotic and a martyr. I ended up feeling suffocated and controlled in an indirect way so i ended it. We argued quite a lot and I tried to end it twice before the final time but ended up getting back with him as I felt I was missing him.I know deep down that I have made the right decision and so do my friends and family. My problem is that it's been almost three weeks now and he is continuing to call and text me, trying to talk me round and saying he wants us to go out and talk about it. I told him I don't want to and have been advised to stop communicating with him, which I have. He is continuing to text and call though. When will he give up as it is making it hard for me to move on and I keep having bouts of sympathy for him when he says he misses me, can't live without me, wants one more chance, his life is empty etc etc.. what do I do !???
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female
reader, annsumm +, writes (16 March 2010):
annsumm is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThe post below this is also my response, not sure why it didn't flag up as this.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 March 2010): Thanks for the answers. The one about his behaviour not being genuine was an eye opener as I had never thought of it that way.
I did text him when we first split and believe that I had given him all the closure he needed. I told him straight that I ended it because he was too aggressive and neurotic for me (they were my words) and I also told him by text about three times before I stopped all contact that it was over and that I had nothing more to say. When he persisted I also told him that I would consider a restraining order. This didn't stop him and my last contact was two weeks ago. Do you think I should write him the letter still or would that be opening the lines of communication yet again? I have made it clear and didn't just blank him immediately. Thank you.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (15 March 2010): I was just pointing it out as you wrote it :
' (even though he never actually hit me), neurotic and a martyr.'
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A
female
reader, annsumm +, writes (15 March 2010):
annsumm is verified as being by the original poster of the questionNo its not appropriate to say he was a martyr. He was constantly complaining about this and that, there was ALWAYS something wrong with him or with what I was doing, honestly it was draining and had a very negative impact on me.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (15 March 2010): I think that martyr is entirely used inappropriately here xxx
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A
female
reader, adamantine  +, writes (15 March 2010):
 Keep on avoiding contact with him. It will take some time, and yes it will be hard, but ending contact was the right thing to do.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 March 2010): Don't fall in to the sympathy trap.
Be strong !
It doesn't change why you decided to end the relationship.
It may prolong the agony that's all.
Time is precious keep moving away.
Don't even read the text's or answer calls.
No response is your best option and who know's how long that will take to sink in.
Just keep hitting delete, delete, delete.
And...give yourself the space to find someone who makes you wonder why you ever wasted the time !
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