A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Okay everyone. I need some help! My boyfriend and I fight a lot because he will not help me our apartment clean. Right now it is so gross. Dishes everywhere, clothes and trash in the floor. Food all over the counters in the kitchen. I stopped cleaning to see if he got tired of the smell and the mess. Of course he didn't care. I got tired of lookinh at it. So I worked my butt of cleaning. I have a two year old daughter. He works night shift and I work from 11:30-5:30 at a day care. Anyway ill clean before I go to bed and when I get home from work its a complete mess again. I have bitched and bitched and complained to him over and over. It doesn't help he still doesn't help keep things clean. And I am so tired of it I've reached my breaking point. I love him but I can't deal with the messes. Any suggestions? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (3 November 2013):
 Move out or kick him out. Tell him you will start living with him again once ge has learned to clean up after himself. You already have one child, you dont need another (him). And do move out. This is very low of him, as an adult he knows better. Has he never lived on his own before and his mom did everything for him? Inform him you are not his mother. He has used up your good will. He needs to leave, because you are done cleaning up his shit.
Look, its a sign of lack of respect from him. Im being serious in you moving out. This cant go on, he doesnt love you or treat you with respect, and he is putting this right up in your face by making a mess every day and walking away from it when he knows better.
A
male
reader, M Proops  +, writes (3 November 2013):
Household chores should really be 50/50 these days.There should be no stigma for a man to hoover or wash the dishes these days.I do it and have done it since I married my wife 33 years ago.I'm assuming you don't invite friends around for drinks and meals etc.You must love him to put up with such behaviour,has he always been like this?Some people are like that and will never change,you have my sympathy.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 November 2013): It is simple really. If he refuses to be a team player then he doesn't deserve to be on the team.
Kick him out. You can still be in an exclusive relationship just that he doesn't get the benefits of sharing an apartment with you unless and until he also shares in the upkeep of the home.
If you can't afford an apartment by yourself then take on a roommate to split the bills. Screen the applicants to make sure it isn't someone like him.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 November 2013): If you can afford it, hire a cleaning service. But that is just a band aid, it doesn't solve the problem of him generating a lot of mess and filth and refusing to clean up what he made. It is plain selfishness and being inconsiderate because even if he doesn't mind living I'm filth it bothers the other person living on the house.If it wasn't you who was living with him but some random roommate, and if that roommate didn't like his mess and was always cleaning the place only to have him trash it again, that person wouldn't stand for it and wouldnt stay as a roommate for long. So why should you stay as a roommate just because you also happen to be "in a relationship"?Therefore I suggest that you move out and not live with him anymore. He needs to know that he is not someone who can be lived with because he is filthy anr selfish. And you need to not be constantly cleaning up another adult's messes. You have a right to enjoy a clean hygienic environment that YOU worked hard to keep clean. A dirty home is also a health hazard for your child because of all the germs and dust and allergens trapped in the home. And a messy kitchen will attract mice as well which carry diseases.In short, this guy should not be living with anyone else except himself or anoher equally filthy person. If he wants to live with a woman then he needs to develop some new habits that don't tear down her quality of life. It is his choice - does he want to live with a woman or dowshe orefer tobe lazy amd inconsiderate? If he wants to be selfish and inconsiderate then he should live by himself so his selfishness doesn't impact anyone else. If he chooses not to, then he has chosen his laziness over your relationship which is his choice to make.
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A
female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (3 November 2013):
 My husband since 1975 is a total slob. Was in 1975 and he still is in 2013.
He also is my very best friend and lover, the father of three and the grandfather of 10 and one in the oven. He makes a mess wherever he goes, always has. He trashes my kitchen on a daily basis. He also snores so bad he will wake me up about 6 times a night. I almost lost this "prize" a couple of years ago. I will pick up the spray cleaner and paper towels and listen to those snores as long as The Lord allows. Count yor blessings.
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A
male
reader, Xearo  +, writes (3 November 2013):
Judging of the age range (18-21) I will assume he will be just as young and so most guys are like this. The cleaning doesn't bother them, goes in one ear and out the other. I don't think there's a way to get him to clean because you are literally asking for too much from him. He just doesn't see the point and no amount of nagging will get him to change. He's just not grown up enough.
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A
female
reader, Aunty BimBim  +, writes (2 November 2013):
 Yes, he is obviously not mature enough to be living as an adult so send him home to him mommy until he grows up a bit. Honestly, tell him to move out.
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