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writes: Ladies and gentlemen of the adult-dating world, may I have your undivided attention? We're now in the 21st century; and you need some pointers that might minimize your frustrations; and keep you sane while trying to find a date, a partner, or spouse. Maybe you just want to deal with something you're not sure what it is you have, or what it will become. What if you've reeled in a nut?People anxious for a relationship have to first clear their heads before they decide to go out and start searching for another person to share romance and/or just enjoy some companionship. If you're looking for something long-term; you need a plan.First, are you carrying baggage from a previous relationship recently ended within the past six-months? Before you go exploring for future prospects, clean your closet of all excess baggage. I mean, delete old voice-mails, text-messages, letters, e-mails, and Valentine cards. Toss the teddy bears and stuffed animals. All that junk you've been hoarding to keep you company on lonely Saturday nights. You won't move on, until you get rid of all that emotional weight you're dragging around on your tail. It's slowing you down, poisoning and tainting your personality; and will make you cynical and antsy. You'll compare people to your ex; or the person who last rejected you. It's not fair. If you can't clean your closet, you're not ready to date. You're not even fit for a one-night stand. You're a basket-case.I don't want to see your vacation pictures with all your exes.No one else does either.I WARN ONE AND ALL, TO STAY AWAY FROM PEOPLE LIKE THIS. THEY WILL HURT YOU. If they still text their exes, you're only on standby. You're waiting to be introduced in the next dramatic episode. Don't attach, bail out!Before you start looking for a date. You have to have a clear and open-mind. Oh, forget all that crap you read in magazines; and all that junk you listen to on freaking talk-shows. Judge the animals by the jungle you're hunting in. Remember only that good-stuff you have read, that made you go: "Now that's what I'm talking about!" Store only information that you can relate to personally. Not a bunch of rosy-dopey psycho-babble some scam-artist wants to sell you, one $$$DVD or CD at a time. They aren't talking about real people. They're talking to people who have money to waste; and want to be their lab-rats. Then they'll go online, and have their own staff write raving reviews about it's success. While you're sitting there scratching your head wondering what you must have missed. It didn't work for you. Oh, there's the legal disclaimers: "Results will vary!" and "You have to buy the next chapter for $49.95!"Listen to those folks who themselves have overcome many of their own obstacle courses through life. Who have been chewed up and spat out. Yet still sane enough to survive and talk about it. If they don't tell you their own stories of failure; their telling some other guy's story; and just selling a book. Nothing like telling it from the heart. That's what I do.Listen to the older-folk. Yeah, older and more mature people.They don't bullshit anymore. They've been there and done that.They had to survive life without smartphones and devices. They actually had to find people face to face. Talk to strangers, and develop their own game. Tell them give you the condensed version; you're only taking notes, not writing their autobiography. (I wrote this myself. You need to read it for your own good.)The well-experienced can tell you how people actually kept in touch, remembered each other during blackouts; and how you get around the games people play. I learned from my parents and grandparents. Other older folks, who are watching their same loving partners age. They had to survive on commonsense, and the foundation of a solid education. You can't sidestep an education.You need it.We're in an age where people go looking for others online. DO NOT GET CAUGHT UP IN LONG LIFE-CONSUMING TEXT-ATHONS AND PERPETUAL MESSAGE FESTIVALS!!! You will be trapped into the outer-domains of reality! I know you ladies may like this. Let me tell you something. Don't come crying to me, because he used to do it all the time and suddenly he stopped. He has writer's-block, or a life to live. Seriously!? Don't you want to see his face, touch his skin, smell that after-shave he drowned himself in? If he uses messaging too much, you leave him too much free time to meet other women online. He can carry on dozens of IM's at a time; and say almost the same crap to each and every one of you.Then he gets tired, and he disappears for about a month. He'll tell you about how he had to go rescue his grandmother from a tidal-wave, and how they had to subsist on dead fish and seaweed for the last month. Now he's back. Are you that gullible? Oh, by the way, would you send him another naked picture? The last one got waterlogged during the flood. How do people fall for this stuff?Messaging is just a tool. It should not be used to inundate and saturate people with your mushy feelings. If you want them to feel you, invite them over. Long-distance relationships are for people who have the patience and energy to run a marathon. If you're needy, it's most likely these are the people who will agonize through them. They enjoy drama. Messaging is their favorite past-time, and they like living in a romance novel. They enjoy Skype and sending you InstaGrams. Be kind to them. They are giving up a lot of their time; and they will be very loyal to you. If you lie to them; they will discover the truth. The more they like you, the more they will demand to see you. Play with their feelings at your own risk. They don't easily forget. You may hurt them in terrible ways you'll never know. Have a conscience, and a heart. Better yet, find love the hard way. Without devices first. If you end up long-distance, then weigh the pros and cons; and put your happiness first. Before setting-up a date to meet or making reservations; check your calendars for possible interruptions; or other possible commitments before you agree on a day, time, and place.If you met online,and you decide to setup a meeting; first confirm that they are not married. If you don't'; they have a right to assume it doesn't matter.Ask them to meet you at a public place. Yes, you're permitted to have "safe-sex" on the first date. Just be prepared for the guilt and remorse; if you let alcohol lower your inhibitions. If you take drugs, you'll give-in easily. If you say NO, say it with force! If they persist, fight!!!Do not be in a hurry to bring strange people to your home. Once they learn where you live, you could have a stalker on your hands. Bring your own vehicle. Let a friend know you're out and who you're with. Park your car in a well-lit area, with camera surveillance. If he or she follows you home. Call the police.Ask them to "call" ahead; if they cannot make it. If they stand you up. Do not give them a second chance. Preserve your dignity, and extinguish your temper and desperation. They aren't worth it; if you aren't worth a call, or for them to show up. No second chances. That's a sign of your desperation, and they'll do it again. They've found a weak-spot. I don't care how nice you think he/she is. They stood you up. Lame excuses are unacceptable.If YOU get cold-feet. Have the nuggets to call them and tell them you're feeling a little shaky and too nervous. Apologize and reschedule the date. "Days" (not hours) in-advance. People normally plan their entire routine; not just a night or day around a date with you. They want to make an impression, just like you do. So be considerate. Otherwise, you're just being an asshole. Plain and simple. Your excuses are only cover for bad manners. This is a red-flag against you.Have the decency to turn your cellphones off. Unless your date has kids, what possible reason would they have to be texting anyone else during a date? It means you bore them; and they're passing the time texting someone else for a date. They may be arranging to meet them when they're done with free-dinner and drinks. Perhaps arranging a booty-call, in-case you don't put out. If your date is paying the tab, show some class.Dates are only that. It's part of a courtship ritual, and people don't have to like you, just because you like them. The date went well, and you feel you made a connection. It's one date. If you make too much of it; that's your problem. You're needy and too anxious. If he or she doesn't want another date; it wasn't as good for them; as it was for you. Get over it. You're going to do the same thing to someone you didn't like that much. Don't be a hypocrite. It's not a "relationship" until the two of you sit down and mutually agree that it is. Is it monogamous or open? Establish that too! Presume or assume, nothing!!!Okay desperate and clingy folks. People do not have to call you day and night. They have work, school, appointments, their own family, friends, personal lives, and sometimes they have to use the bathroom. Surprise! They had a life before they met you. They don't have to reveal every detail of who they've met, or what they did in bed. They'll introduce you to their family when they know it's safe.They don't have to undergo cross-examination to reassure you that they like you. Be a nuisance, and they won't very long. If they've stopped text messaging, or calling you. Consider it over.You chased them away being a nut-case. Maybe you've attached yourself to a nut-case. Stop stalking them on Facebook. That's creepy. Face the possibility there was something about you they didn't like, or felt you aren't exactly their type. Seek counseling, or shake it off. There is a population of billions out there. Even someone for you. Maybe a dozen you'll meet over a life-time. The odds are, you might outlive a few. I did. I'm not that old.Loosen your grip. If you hold a puppy or a bunny too tight, they can't breath. Same happens to people.If you're afraid you'll never get married. "You're" scary. You just want to be married; because you like the idea of having someone that can't getaway. You want to look like a princess and practice playing Bridezilla. Kill tons of flowers, and put your parents in debt. Then divorce him 3.5 years and 2.5 kids later.While your parents are still paying off the second-mortgage.That's not the reason people get married. They first fall in-love. They try to strengthen and reinforce their bond together with trust and patience. They learn to support each other, not to lean too hard on one or the other. They realize they are individuals, who form a couple. Marriage will not work, if you don't carry your own weight. If you expect someone to "complete" you. Your head is in the wrong place. Somewhere in the clouds. You've got it all mixed-up.If he hasn't proposed after five years, he already considers himself married. You can leave anytime you've had enough.Do not diminish or reduce yourself to a half.First of all; if they are a "whole-person; you "supplement" them. If you're whole, they supplement you. If you're not a whole person; you're "broken." Something is missing. You're not ready for marriage. Get fixed. You're closed and under repair. Kids deserve parents with their act together. If you wouldn't give them broken toys, they deserve parents in fully-operating condition. Don't shove them into a dysfunctional marriage. They may as well be born in hell.You don't have to date people who have kids; if you don't like kids. Or, if you don't want to know their kids. If the kids don't like you, at least make an effort to make them like you. They're only afraid you'll separate their two parents. They never got over the separation or divorce. They hope they'll get back together someday. Especially, if they were once married. Remember, they're kids and you're the adult. Act like one.It's really nothing personal. However; if they are adult-children that don't like you. It's personal. You are a threat to their inheritance; or you don't make enough money. If you're sleazy, they won't hesitate to tell you. They're looking out for someone who means the world to them. They can make your life miserable. More power to them.If they're very young, they don't know any better. Don't compete with their love and affection for their parent. Try, and you are thereby a selfish person. They will learn to resent and hate you. As they get older, their life's mission is to see you go. More power to them.If you have a man who has a witch of a baby mama. Think twice. They haven't resolved issues; and it might be a sign he is a sonofabitch. She'll try to let you know in every way. You'll resist the information, and write her off as just jealous. Maybe so; but watch how he treats her and the kid(s). If he pays his support on time and wants to be with his kids. You've got a catch. If he's always between jobs, behind on support; talks to his baby's mama, like an angry pimp to a hooker who stole from him. There's her proof. He's a sonofabitch.Don't be stupid, and get pregnant by him; or introduce him to your kid(s). He's not father material. No, your love is not a magic potion that will turn bad men into good ones. A vagina is a powerful thing; but if misused, it will bring you grief. A penis is not a magic wand. It's a penis. It can be cutoff like any other appendage. It's better used as a joystick. It writes well in the snow, and makes peeing in a bottle much easier.For guys who aren't ready to be dads. Use condoms. For women who aren't ready to be moms. Use female-condoms, or make him use condoms. They also lessen the risk of STD's and HIV. Straight people do get AIDS, and can infect others. If you date women with kids,don't try to keep their mom out too late. If you do, pay for the sitter. Get to know the kids, and take them all on a date sometime. They need to know who is sleeping with their mom. Otherwise; stick to single available women, if this is too inconvenient for you. If you marry their mom; they're not just "his" kids. They're your kids too.If you're too shy to meet people. When are you going to grow up? It's rare that they come knocking at the door, and asking: "Is the shy person home; and would he/she like to go out on a date?"Rejection isn't fatal, unless it's the wrong blood-type; or an incompatible organ transplant. Rejection only means the person was not interested in getting to know you beyond, hello. It doesn't mean you're ugly, unattractive, or they think they are too good for you. Sometimes it does. Approach someone else.If they think they're "too good" for you; that means "they're" not good enough for anybody else. They're conceited. If you agree they're too good for you, find someone more suitable for you. Leave them alone. Why did you invade their space in the first place? Keep your insecurities and low self-esteem under control. Better yet. Keep them to yourself. Each adult is given survival-skills to deal with life. You have a brain; which is the control-center of your body. If you chose to put a lot of junk in your own head, is it fair other people have to be subjected to all your nonsense? Injuries, birth-defects, and trauma may damage or disable you. Seek only people prepared to handle your differences. Don't resent those who can't. You don't like everyone you meet either.If you are a victim of abuse. Seek professional help before placing yourself under the stress of another relationship. If you don't, it might fail or you might get hurt even more. It's mostly your fault; for not seeking help first. You don't want to be alone right? Then fix yourself; before you go find someone. Being around you should be a pleasure; not a job. No! No one has to accept all your faults; or tolerate your insecurities. Who told you that? They lied to you! If you won't buy a broken-down car; or a cracked cellphone. Why settle for a damaged person? Everyone isn't cutout to be a caregiver.There is no guarantee a relationship will last forever; even if it's a good one.There will be temporary relationships that will be very good, then they'll run their course. Sometimes people can only take our personality for a limited amount of time. Some people can only commit for a set-amount of time. This will hurt us, but we have to always remember that life is a journey. We'll meet other people. There are so many people; if you toss a rock out the window, it might hit someone. Don't do it silly, I was making a point!As time passes, we will change; and the people we have found, are changing too. We are sometimes lucky enough to find people whose changes enrich our lives. They also appreciate our changes. When you find someone like that. Make the best of it. Give it everything you've got to keep a level-head, an open-mind, and a lot of room in your heart. Relationships are work. Life is not always fair. So you work together to get over the hurdles, and catch each other when you fall. Don't set unrealistic expectations; because humans tend to fail, or make mistakes. That doesn't mean you ignore red-flags. Some bad behavior is deliberate. If someone is abusive, cruel, and destructive. Your love for them is misplaced. If they hurt you; hanging on to them is just self-torture. You have to be grownup enough to know when to let go; and when to hang in there. Love should not be kicked around, or abused by a fool.It's a gift and a blessing. If you don't appreciate it, you'll lose it; and may not find it again for a long long time.
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reader, anonymous, writes (6 November 2013): Thank you so much for the advice.
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reader, anonymous, writes (6 November 2013): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI learned that dating over 40 does have a few drawbacks; if you're looking for people in your own age-group. There is plenty of competition, and the vast majority seek people who are much younger. No matter how foolish they may look or come across. They get lucky, if they have a nice car; and spend a lot of cash in nightclubs and strip-joints.I hate to discourage you, but there are a lot of guys 40ish or 50ish out there, behaving like frat-boys. They actually think dyeing their hair makes them look young enough for a 25-30 year-old. That's true, if you hit the gym and keep up your health. Otherwise, they treat women in their own age-group like they should be grateful they get propositioned at all. Don't fall for that. It's a test. They want to see if they can still get it, just for the asking. Not without an expensive dinner, good wine, and the best foot-rub on earth. They prey on desperate widows and divorcees, and get home-cooked meals and a warm bed. They bail out when you begin to exhibit feelings. Don't be too vulnerable. A large percentage of eligible singles over 40 have been married and divorced. Once bitten, twice shy. They limit dating to hunting for sex like they did when they were a lot younger, and in their 20's. They see age catching up with them, and they're trying to sow wild oats before settling down; or just vegging out and letting the "Just for MEN" hair-color grow out. I'm gay, you think it's tough? The vanity, ageism, and narcissism is rampant. You weave your way around all that. You flaunt your greys.I workout; so my choices as far as hookups, are plentiful. Superficial, and nothing that meaningful. Finding something meaningful requires skill, patience, and agility. So what I do is dodge bullets; and just date for the fun of it. I'm recovering from a breakup, so I have to skim the surface, and enjoy finding myself again. I'm not dead, or unattractive. Nor am I cynical, like many my age. I know what perseverance will yield reward. For me, it always has.I hit a few bumps in the road, one died after a 28-year relationship. One dumped me; because commitment is scary.I'm bouncing back, because that's how I roll.Ducking opportunists and needy people who will cling on like iron filings to a magnet, isn't easy. I suggest in your case that when they suggest sex, ask them what's in it for you? You just aren't that kind of girl. Being older reminds me that I must relax and be comfortable with younger people who do show genuine interest, and would like to spend time with me. I'm flattered, but not delusional. Don't rule them out. Just don't expect a 25 year-old to relate. I was once more attracted to mature people too. I find 36 and up relate very well. Professionally, they are established, have a reasonable energy-level; and give you a good sense of relevancy. I never feel old around them. Just well-respected. They have just the right amount of maturity and sex-drive. The mature ladies I know (45-56)share my feelings in this area; but never lose sight of the fact they are no longer cute wearing ultra-miniskirts or super-plunging necklines. They may have the bodies, but they let dignity set the guidelines. They do go over the top and enjoy risky fashion. It's good for the ego, and boosts your self-esteem. They don't resort to hoochie, they do wear Gucci! Just a little flashy. They turn heads! They're sent drinks and men introduce themselves to our tables. It's their confidence, they don't wait for validation. I've learned from them. I sank pretty low when I got dumped. Felt like someone let out all the air. You could slide me under a door.I don't use the term "cougar" in the present of these ladies. Just when talking to my gay buddies. They rediscovered themselves after motherhood and divorce.They're survivors in the 21st century. Like me, they were also born in the 20th century. Evolve or die!Yes, they have teenage kids, adult children, but they didn't let failed marriages define them as people. They see life as a challenge they can overcome. The determination is infectious, and it's the reason I'm making personal progress after my breakup. I draw from that energy.Draw strength from your lady-friends, but don't get lost in the crowd. Don't cave-in when men make passes or insults. You have to be tough on the outside; even if you've got jello for guts. I take rejection like a champ. I really have nothing to lose. Nor do you. If you meet a lot of jerks, that's a part of the playing-field. They whip you into shape for something better. You appreciate that you still get attention, it just may not be what you're looking for. Say hello to the guy next to the jerk, who behaves like a gentlemen.Don't attach your feelings to the guy in the military. You're charmed; but that's as far as it should go until this man makes an actual appearance. Keep your options open. A stream of communication by e-mail and text messages is not even a start of a relationship; unless you're 17. Stop leaning on your ex.Struggle on your own. You've got to develop your own muscles.
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reader, anonymous, writes (5 November 2013): Thank you WiseOwlE for your response. My whole take on adult dating is so important to me. I had been married and have been divorced for about 5 years now and to go out start dating was hard for me. I looked at marriage as my safe place. Being with the same person and not having to worry about some guy using you, standing you up, chasing other women, meeting a bunch of creeps, losers, liars,narcissistic, egotistic, manipulative players. I wished I could get your advice on this guy I had a date with from a dating site. I did post my question as anonymous but that's okay because I can use the advice. My questions were,"Why Does It have to be complicated when we had a great time on our date?" (which be under the dating category) and "My friend expects me to do sexual things I'm not ready to do." (which would be probably be under the sex category) I am a person who wants what she wants right away meaning I have no patience when it comes to waiting for things. Even my mother would say "Hey if you want the cookies to be good you got to wait a little longer." Honestly, I sometimes want to give up on dating because something is always off. I have spent so much time crying and wishing that it takes it's toll on me. And other times I feel a little stronger and want to try again. What do I do? I am not unattractive but never think I look good enough for these men. Most of them only want me for sex and that's it. I never hear, "I want you to meet my parents." Or "I love you with all my heart and I want you to be my girlfriend." No it's just, "You are so hot and sexy! I want to .... you." Well you get the idea. I hold a lot in and it's not fair that I never get to be that one who is lucky. I also posted a question about a new guy who is in the Marines. He is good looking and smart and knows a lot about the military. I asked my ex-husband what to say to him because my ex is smart about a lot of things. Now this guy spoke to me a few times and I realize he is busy, he comes online when he is free and I don't expect him to always chat with me, but I am already fantasizing of what it would be like to date him. He said if he was closer he would ask me out to dinner. He is looking to start as friends. You are right about the fish in a barrel, I'm sure he is fishing and I can't get hung up on someone I haven't met. Any advice would be appreciated.
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reader, anonymous, writes (5 November 2013): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you for reading, Pretty46. Men do tend to be less considerate; but you have to remember that texting is a very informal means of communication. Lack of response has to be viewed for what it is, "temporarily unavailable." It isn't always avoidance. Popularity and a busy life keeps people preoccupied.The fact messaging is less personal, and a convenient way of avoiding "emotional reactions;" men and women may chose to use it differently. Men find text messaging an easier way to express anger, make a quick hookup, or a means of escape. He can stealthily drop a bomb, and take off before it hits the target.Women use it to express their feelings. Keep in touch, and to alert you to their current whereabouts or plans. They feel the tool is less invasive; yet effective in reaching you without disturbance, or inconvenience. It is also used as a social gauge. If men don't react quickly in response; it somehow says how disinterested he is. He may only be telling you to slow down; or slack off with the messages. It's starting to feel like a tracking device. When messaging slacks off, then feel less interested; and go about your life as usual. Unless there is an established relationship, messaging is just an informal way of saying "you're still available, and willingly accessible." Text messages should not demand anything. I want attention given to me voluntarily. I want it given to me in a personal and up-close way. Not some series of abbreviations, misspellings, and acronyms followed by smiley faces; or inverted smiles.That is why you have a voice. Talk to him face to face, don't give him an easy way to avoid you. To keep you on ice; until he has a lull in his usual blitz of contacts from other females in desperate pursuit of attention.If he doesn't text back, grow a thicker skin; remember that messaging is impersonal anyway. Actions speak louder than words, and spoken words carry more impact.People you meet online are less sensitive; because you're just a fish in a barrel. Plenty more from where you come from. So they see you as available at their convenience.So expect more bottom-dwellers; than legitimately decent dudes to respond to your profile. Same goes for you guys. The ladies with open blouses and good-looks get enough contacts that you're just lucky to get a response. So don't be too demanding, or you'll just get blocked. Don't get mad, don't try to get even; learn to play by the rules of the game.We all need to hold back our feelings and feel our way around people. Are they just dangling the bait to see who bites? Or, are they open-minded and willing to setup a real meeting? Serious enough, to actually go out on a date to get to know you. Talk is cheap. If his game is all messages and phone calls; it's no wonder "Text-message-Romeo" won't show his face. Not to mention the outdated mugshot above his profile. If it's even his. Don't let a lot of lovely smooth-talk get you going. Save it for a date, dude. Back it up. If you don't seem responsive or enthusiastic to an easy hookup; appreciate the self-elimination of a potential pain in the ass. He'll be gone quicker than you can hit the send button.Good conversation and discovering things in-common, is how we form a connection. You shouldn't plug-in your feelings; until you have made enough exchanges of personal data, and meetings in-person, to establish if anything is happening. Or, should.Of course flirtation is going to set-off endorphins. Hormones initiate the human-attraction process; but people rush right in with the false-belief in "immediate chemistry." You can't rely on that. Desperation often disguises itself as attraction. I frequently remind people of that; when responding to disappointed readers. It happens to you and me, and anyone searching for romantic companionship.It's like, you haven't had a decent date since the beginning of the 21st century; let alone good sex. Here's this guy or woman on the other end, pushing all the right buttons. So you jump in with both feet. They suddenly seem disinterested, distant, detached; or they play with your feelings. They need you to stroke their egos, before they decide to respond to some other person they consider more interesting. It boosts their self-esteem and offers a good sendoff. They now feel desirable. All at your emotional expense. Hopefully; not financially.People, that's just how it goes! Don't let these lowly emotional predators dishearten you. They receive full karma. The player gets played. It hurts them more; because their arrogance and conceit, makes them feel superior and better at the game. There is always a better player. Always!I can't tell you how many times I've been discouraged or disappointed. Yet, for some strange reason; I don't let people get to me. If you try to understand people, and actually try not to like them before you know them; you'll feel less rejected or cynical. Horny people often think with their genitals and their hearts betrays them. They'll play you along, only to see if you'll allow them to manipulate you. They will prey on your weakness of character. If they see strength and confidence; they're more intrigued, or become intimidated. Then they'll wonder if they measure up. They shouldn't be taken seriously. They will answer ads and profiles quicker. They take flight just as quickly.Truly good matches and great people, may not always respond a lot by messaging; but they'll make it their business to check you out. If they figure out you're what they've been searching for, they won't let you getaway. Stay the course.Be neither frustrated, nor discouraged.
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reader, anonymous, writes (5 November 2013): Dating shouldn't be difficult but unfortunately after a few dates you might see a change in this person. Like you said,
putting up with someone or ignoring the red-flags. I have been doing this a lot lately and I already know it's because I don't want to be alone. I have been struggling with my feelings for men and why I get treated the way I do. My self esteem is not where it should be. For example, I sing at karaoke almost every week and when I sing good I expect people to clap for me. Now, if everyone does not clap, it doesn't mean that you were not good. You may get six people to clap and the others are either preoccupied or talking etc.
So in the dating scene I may get a few guys that are attracted to me but if the others aren't as interested, it doesn't mean that I am not good enough. I have always
been a sensitive person even as a child. Someone said
something mean and I would break out in tears. Now I find
myself doing the same thing. You mentioned rejection also and I have been rejected in more subtle ways. In dating, the guy usually never calls or texts back as a way of saying "I didn't have the guts to tell you that I have moved on and its not that you aren't beautiful and sexy, I just didn't know what to say to you without breaking your heart." You did anyway but I will be fine.
The thing that frustrates me the most about adult dating is the lack of consideration for other people. Guys who stand women up, guys who never text or call back, just leave you hanging without an explanation. And communication is so important. How do you expect someone to know what you are thinking when you don't say anything. We let our feelings and nervousness get in the way of asking people things, or telling them how we feel. I told a guy how I feel about him on a text message because when I called him, his voice mail came on and I could not wait any longer. We have to always remember that you can't always get people to see our point of view.
The amount of miscommunications and misunderstandings between people that are dating is tremendous. I think of the sitcom Threes Company when they are always having a miscommunication, and even though it is funny on the show there is always a happy ending. Life sometimes doesn't have a happy ending. I have this thing where I do self-talk. Asking myself things like, "Can I really handle this situation with my new date?" "How do I make myself more attractive?" If you don't think about how you're going to approach a situation, then you might get into trouble.
You mentioned texting, I just recently told a guy who I had a date with that the way I get to know people is not through texting but on the phone or face to face. The people that live far away from me I text and we talk on the phone. I am still speaking to this guy because I am attracted to him and I like him a lot and we have quite a few things in common. You know when I think about how many guys, dates, and people that have come in and out of my life it is a bit overwhelming. But I only look back on the good things. And like you said clean your closet of all excess baggage.
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