A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hello, I have been with my bf for over a year now.At the beginning because I wasn't ready for sex he gave me oral i guess to lure me in. Then afterwards it went from once a month to now once in 6 months.Everytime I bring it up he gets defensive and said he had bad experience and doesn't like it at all. It had reach to a point I just quite give up. I used to have a high sex drive, and now I feel my sex drive is dropping.I know I should cherish the person I am with, but never did I thought not compatible in sex can hurt a relationship that much. Please help.
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female
reader, alexis1983  +, writes (6 December 2010):
I'm really sorry to hear that, hun. I think it's selfish of your man to deprive you of things that pleasure you, especially in the bedroom. Hmm..one of the ways you can make him more open about oral sex and foreplay in general (unfortunately, men just wanna go straight to the whamming and bamming!) is maybe bring in some sex toys to the bedroom to make things more fun. I bought a "Nea" clit massager from my pharmacy (the brand is called LELO) and used it in front of him whenever I felt horny...it didn't take long before he wanted to take the place of my toy and go down on me ;)
There's something about an aroused woman that drives the guys crazy. If this doesn't work, well at least you have something to use to keep your sex drive up!
A
male
reader, olderthandirt  +, writes (4 December 2010):
 No to oral then no to his fantasies. women have the upper hand and can control the bedroom. Just cut him off until he "performs"
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 December 2010): Ensure you are spotless, so straight after your bath. And time for a bit of fun. Ask him if he'd like some Head. If affirmative (of course!) then get into position for a 69. Go slowly. Very, very, very slowly. Pull out all the stops as you pleasure him.He can either stare at your privates or he can be a gentleman. Take as long as you like with his member. He'll demonstrate that he's worthy of very little consideration if he'll ignore your pleasure for that long extended session of head you are going to give him. If he does do nothing then reconsider your options for the future.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 December 2010): Oh, this might not be an issue at all but perhaps changing your grooming habits down there might help. See if there are things you can do to make it more pleasant for him.
I know a lot of guys that really don't like going down on a girl with a lot of hair down there. They will for a while but they find it unpleasant even from the beginning.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 December 2010): "Everytime I bring it up he gets defensive and said he had bad experience and doesn't like it at all" That's a load of crap and a total deflection. Seeing as he used to do it for you.
Time to go back to the time when he had to do it to get sex from you. Keep your legs closed until he does. Pleasure yourself instead and if he wants sex then he has to go down on you first.
You know very often I'm torn in these kind of questions. Because on one hand people shouldn't have to do something they don't want. I find very often if the situation was reversed and it was a man that wanted oral then the aunts/uncles here would tell him to suck it up and she shouldn't have to do it. I also find that when it's a woman like you in your situation then they all say it's not fair and he should. Strange that.
But I've come to the conclusion that giving our partners pleasure is something we should be willing to make sacrifices for, that we should do things we're not comfortable with to please them. Especially seeing as he was willing to do it before for you. There are lots of things we're not comfortable with and don't like doing in a relationships but we do to make our partners happy but it has to work both ways it can't be one sided. While there's nothing sexual that I don't like doing, there are things like sitting and watching a rom com or going and watching a live cabaret. Both of those things I feel really uncomfortable doing but do nonetheless because it makes her happy.
If he wants action then gives you head, if he wants head then he returns the favour. Bad experience and not liking it is a bullshit excuse. He was willing to do it before to get you to do stuff, so when there was a reward in it for him to do that then he did. Time to show him again he will be rewarded if he does it. Time to put that incentive back into the relationship.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 December 2010): Look, sex is only thing that separates lovers and friends, many people have tried to "make things work" without it but 99% at the end realized that if the sex element lacks there is no more than friendship and ended up looking for what they are missing...of course it's your choice but unless things change you will find urself looking for someone you have that spark with. Good luck!!!
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