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male
age
36-40,
*aniel1987
writes: Hi. I'm a 22-year-old gay guy, and I have an extremely difficult decision to make. My partner and I are on the verge of breaking up. The reason for our break-up has to do with our sex life. For the two-and-a-half years we've been together, my partner has never pleasured me to the point of orgasm. He says that my semen has a strong smell to it, similar to bleach or chlorine, and that this is totally off-putting for him. I've read that it is normal for semen to smell like bleach or chlorine. Perhaps mine's just really strong? Anyway, because of this, he will not give me oral sex, and he won't even give me a handjob, for the thought of me ejaculating and having to deal with my strong-smelling semen. We have anal sex, but I'm always the passive partner. This means that I never get to experience an orgasm with my partner. He says I need to find sex somewhere else, but this ultimately means breaking up, since he is not prepared to have an open relationship. The thought of breaking up with him is heart-wrenching. Thinking about it makes me feel so much pain, it's indescribable. If we split, I know it will probably make me ill (the emotions are that intense). But if we stay together, it means that I have to be prepared to never have an orgasm with my partner, which will leave me feeling sexually frustrated. What are your opinions on this? What should I do?
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anal sex, hand-job, oral sex, orgasm, semen, sex life, sexually frustrated Reply to this Question
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male
reader, daniel1987 +, writes (2 September 2009):
daniel1987 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for all your comments, guys. I've decided that the right decision is to split. I need all of me to be loved, including my penis.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 September 2009): I agree with everyone and everything that has been said and I want to add this....you need to learn to love yourself. If you love yourself, you anticipate and even expect others to love you as well ... and ... you would never want yourself treated this way! Your 'self' would be so indignant with being treated this way that you would drop this selfish prick like a hot-potatoe.
Now, stop worrying about him, start worrying about how you will learn to love yourself :)
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reader, anonymous, writes (2 September 2009): Don't like the sound of him.
But our opinions of your boyfriend are of minimal relevance, and you do sound somewhat addicted to him.
A few things stand out. Firstly, semen isn't MEANT to smell like roses and taste like pink champagne. It's gooey sticky gunk, and the whole 'raison d'etre' for swallowing it is because you want to please your man, or because you love the slutty feeling it gives you, or both. I assume you give him oral pleasure, so it seems very unfair of him not to return the favour, unless you're entirely submissive and have no interest in being fellated.
Not even giving you a handjob...what a selfish prick!
And as for the anal - if you 'never get to experience an orgasm', it means he's not doing you properly. A man should be able to bring you to overwhelmingly intense, heart-thumping, brain-melting continuous multiple orgasm if he f**ks you properly and knows where your prostate gland is located.
My advice would be to find another man, but if you really want this guy and if you can't bear to give up the sex, start being more demanding, and show him where your prostate is (it's your sexual pleasure centre, I suppose the 'queer's equivalent of a clitoris, and is located by pushing a finger or c**k inside the anus and in the general direction of the belly-button. Lie on your side with your legs drawn up, or on your back with your knees raised, and it'll be easier for him to find)
If you're determined to stay with a man who treats you like this, you might as well get a few great orgasms out of it.
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A
male
reader, Mikes  +, writes (1 September 2009):
 Hi.Theres not much more i can say that has not been saod by these people (whose advice is really good)I think i can realate to you in a way, as i think i can be what is called a selfish lover. I always have to be the first to orgasm. Its the only way i feel really confident, as i do have confidence issues in the bedroom department. But i ALWAYS make sure my boyfreind orgasms after. He is happy to do me first as he knows its the way i feel most confident, but i would never just stop after and leave him with nothing, that would make him feel so bad and unwanted. Even with this i still make sure every now and then he gets to orgasm first.Just to finish why will he not even give you a hand job, surely soaps will help get rid of the smell after?Hope you find the right pathMike
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1  +, writes (1 September 2009):
 If he's never pleasured you to the point of orgasm, how the hell does he know what your semen smells or tastes like? That doesn't make sense, unless you lie there and finish yourself while he looks on?
Sounds completely one-sided to me. It's all about him and his pleasure, you're just the vessel. What's the point of going through life with a man who doesn't care enough about you to work on your sex life with an open and generous spirit? He sounds like a pill. And you've put up with this for two and a half years hoping he'll change? I don't think that's going to happen. You have what you have, if you're okay to put up with it for the rest of your life, that's not for us to say, but I think you are fed up and I think you know better.
Do a test. Both of you ejaculate into two separate clean cups that you then label A and B and then switch them around. Let him show you he can select yours. I doubt he'll be able to tell the difference. And if you do try this, I'd love to hear how it turns out.
Take care.
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reader, anonymous, writes (1 September 2009): What do you think? You know what his smells like, you know what yours is like. Is there anything to what he says, or is it just an excuse?
If he were prepared to receive anal then the smell of the semen wouldn't be an issue. I presume that's off limits too?
As the others have said, in a straight relationship everyone would be condemning your partner as a selfish bastard. If it really is his way or the highway, you know where you stand.
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reader, anonymous, writes (1 September 2009): Hi there!I've taken the liberty to answer your question because I've had a similar problem with my boyfriend. I need to say first that english isn't my native tongue so excuse any mistakes I might make. So my boyfriend's semen also has a very strong and intense smell and taste. I love him very very much but in the beggining it put me off from pleasuring him orally, even though he was asking. At some point I realised that this was very selfish of me and I should try to find a way to make him happy since I was very satisfied with our sex life and he was doing everything I liked. So I came up with this and now we are both happy: I give him oral sex after we have sex once or when we've had a lot of sex. Those times, he doesn't produce so much semen and I find I can handle the smell and taste. If for some reasons we haven't had sex in a while and I know that the quantity of semen will be bigger, I just don't do it. Maybe you should suggest this to your partner and see how it goes.Other than that, there's another thing that worries me in your situation. Do you like the fact that you partner doesn't care about your pleasure? Or that he's ok with you having sex with someone else? Do you think this shows that he really cares about you, as much as you say that you love him? I think that in a good, healthy relationship you don't even have to ask yourself these two questions. Think about it.
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female
reader, Libra1963  +, writes (1 September 2009):
 I dont know much about gay relationships so I am not certain if I am in the position to comment but as an outsider, I am wondering whether there is something external that is causing the smell. As a hextasextual person I can only imagine lubicates or condoms. sometimes when a condom is old it can cause an awful smell. I have been around semen and have never noticed a smell. otherwise it could be something you are eating or bathing with.Study what you do an eat. There must be something cuasing it and I do not think it is natural.Good luck
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male
reader, tuffers +, writes (1 September 2009):
I am straight but whether gay or straight, it sounds to me that your partner is very uncaring towards you and if that is the case dump him as fast as you can.If my wife was to turn around and say, play with my pussy but I don't want to let you cum because I don't like the smell, I would be very upset and we wouldn't have been together for 36 years.A dietary change with plenty of fruit, especially pineapple will alter the taste and no doubt the smell. If that doesn't help the go see you doctor for advice.Good luckMike
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A
female
reader, celtic_tiger +, writes (1 September 2009):
 I am straight, so I cannot comment on the finer details of a gay relationship, but I think the advice here would be the same whatever type of relationship you are in.He is using you. The fact that he will not bring you to orgasm in any way, and you are ALWAYS the passive partner does suggest he has dominance issues. Its all about him. He gets the pleasure, and you run around after him. I know you feel that you love him, but really, what type of love is he giving you? If this was a M/F relationship and the man refused to give his wife an orgasm he would be labelled a selfish, domineering pig.You can do so much better than this man. I think you deserve to find someone who really cares about you, and who wants to SHARE (that being the key word) all the pleasures that a relationship brings, be it sexual, emotional or physical. You cannot live your life going without sexual and emotional closeness, just because he is throwing a wobbly about not getting his own way. That is not fair. Good luck
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