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female
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*arcia me
writes: hi, I have been in a relationship for 4 years but my partner has never really connected to my 2 children, at first I ignored this but as time has gone on I no longer can, Our relationship: he has his money and I have mine (his choice) he pays for the weekly shop and I pay for everything else He has a daughter that stays with us every weekend him always byes something for her i.e.: trainer’s football shirt shoes clothes but he will not bye as much as a deorant for my kids, when he becomes angry for whatever reason (most times I don’t know why ) he rant and calls my kids some really nasty horrible names like bastards cunts ect: but at the start he was quite the opposite.!!! Help!!
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female
reader, jn +, writes (8 September 2006):
 You have an abusive relationship and need to get out it will not get better. patterns of abuse verbal or physical always escalate over time. He resents your children, that are a part of you and this is not fair to them. Soon your children will resent you because of this. If it was me, and I have been there I would pack up and leave immediately! Have some people with you when you do it and or do it when he is not home. You need to educate your self on toxic relationships and domestic abuse. Rebuilding trust and a relationship with your children will take years I would get into some counseling also. How old are your children? Always remember children learn what they live.
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female
reader, stina  +, writes (8 September 2006):
 Sorry - I should clarify - when I said go to counseling, I meant couples counseling. If he doesn't want to go, you should still go yourself so you can figure out your own feelings about this, etc.
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female
reader, stina +, writes (8 September 2006):
Hi Marcia Me,
Oh, how horrible! Why does this man think he can act this way? He obviously lacks respect for not only your children but ultimately you. Didn't he realize that you and your children are a *family* and he can't just leave 2/3 of your *family* out of the picture?
Now, normally I'm all about trying to fix relationships, but in this situation I agree with Malyce Synn: get away from this guy! You don't need him and your children certainly don't need him. Now that he has gotten so comfortable around you he has let his true self show. No more acting nice and proper - he is now where he wants to be.
Don't let him weaken you any more than what he probably has already done. Either you and your kids get out of there, or kick him out.
Now, if for whatever reason you want to try and make this relationship work - you need to at least go to counseling. To do without would be determental to your and your children's wellbeing. There is too much emotional abuse which in turn can cause so many problems leading into and all throughout adulthood for your kids. Do you have someone you could stay with until you get through counseling, because I cannot stress enough that this is way too unhealthy of an environment for you and your children. You need to get out and focus on your family and what is best for all of you.
Take care.
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reader, anonymous, writes (8 September 2006): Also, please pick up a book by Beverly Engel titled "The Emoitionally Abusive Relationship~How to Stop Being Abused and How to Stop Being Abusive.
In this book is a step by step guide on how to identify why you choose an abusive partner, how to identify an abusive partner, how to make a stand against an abusive partner, how to lay down some ground rules (tough love), and how to get strong and STOP this cyclic behaviour/rut.
Please start looking out for number one; YOU so that your children can learn how to stand up and stop such abuse from occuring in their adult lives.
*hugs*
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reader, anonymous, writes (8 September 2006): Leave this abusive loser. Don't let some man come in and mistreat your children with verbal insults, mental, and emotional abuse.
He is teaching your children that it is okay for them to "fall in love" with the same type of partner. And your children face having your GRANDCHILDREN be abused.
Get some family counselling and leave the goof.
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A
female
reader, LiLKiss +, writes (8 September 2006):
 ok your kids are the most imortant thing to you at least they should be. how much do you really care for this guy and do you need him? in my opinion i think that you are quilt for what has happened. he doesnt need to buy things to your kids but you should sit and tell him that it would be nice if he would soemtimes get something for the kids because if he loves you he should care for the kids also. why i called you quilty is that you shouldnt let him be the way he is toward to your kids. the vary first time he called your kids names you should have told him that he cant talk to your kids like that..and expecially if they havent dont anything wrong,, but it is still not to late to sit and talk to him about i. ask him how would he feel if you called his doughter names like stupid and other things. also tell him how you feel and if he doesnt improve honestlly you should get rid off him. Because you not asking him big things those are small things that can be fixed.but dont let your kids suffer inside. i hated when my perents would call me names and not even today have i forgotten and he is not even their father.. you should think about it and see if he is going to improve.and if not you should do something abuout it..good luck hun wish you the best..
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