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female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes: I love my boyfriend so much we've toghether for about 6 months, but we always have fights and we keep on spliting up than getting back, and i always kept on doing the same mistakes until he's fed up and two weeks ago he broke up with me and said it's final, but i've talked to him later several times but he won't get back what can i do to get him back if he has no more faith in me?
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male
reader, rcn  +, writes (5 October 2007):
 He has no more faith in you. You aren't old enough to remember much about the big black this we'd put on a round thing, place a needle on it and music would play. Before they came out with automatic returns, the needle would hit the end, then bound back a little bit, play maybe a bar of the last song then just keep repeating over and over again. What would make that process stop was getting up (no remote controls) lifting up the needle then resetting it at the beginning.
What is causing the broken record in your relationship. It's not how can I get him back, it's how can I change my behaviors to avoid this from repeating over and over and over again. People get tired of playing the same game. It's almost as if your fights were scripted, you'd know exactly what would happen before it gets started.
Did you know if you fight and your the one who decides to split up every time, each time you do so he'll actually feel less and less important to you? I sure hurts when he decides to change the ending of that record.
Here is what I want you to do. I don't want you to directly ask him to come back, that's just adding another nail to a coffin that is closed. If I was in your situation this is what I would say:
I wanted to apologize for what I put you through. We got into this routine of splitting up and I was causing it because I knew you'd come back. In a way that was validating that you liked me, but we were like a (current times) CD skipping in the same place. I'm tire of playing that and would change it. I don't expect you to come back, I would prove to you how much you mean to me, and if I caused the same to happen again, I would expect for you to not come back.
Have you ever bought a car. The car sales me (they hate me, I use to be one) they don't just show a car and say see 4 doors, tires, may run but don't know, $15,000 how about a check. They sell you on the options the convenience, comfort, safety, MPG etc.
When you've gotten your relationship to this point, it's not about you. You're going to have to add, if he gave you a chance, what benefit would he get by doing so. What did you to together that you know was special to him too, that you'd love to do together again. You'll have to sell your benefits. If he had 2 girls to choose from, why you over the other one.
I hope this helps, sorry about the length. Take care, I hope everything works out. If it doesn't, you've learned a lesson the hard way and it will only make you stronger.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (5 October 2007): I think you're just going to have to accept that he doesn't want to be with you, so you've just got to move on in life and put this one down to experience. The main thing is that you learn something from it.
Phil
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