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female
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*irenfury
writes: I need help in knowing if it is time to let go.I am a divorced mom of 3 little boys. I was married and thought that was it for good, so I had a family. 7 years later alcohol took over and he hit me once, so I left. I didnt date for approx 2 yrs minus one brief relationship. I am now dating a guy who I really do love but he has been lying to me. He has serious emotional issues that I am trying to help him with. I am exhausted of being the constant rock. He is very cold and I recently learned he was doing drugs and having lap dances and lying to me constantly. It hurt so bad. He agreed to get himself help - so he went into the hospital. While he was there I told him I would forgive if he came completely clean and started over. I thought it would get better - I was asking for a miracle. Now, its no better and my heart is constantly on fire. I dont know what to do. I feel like I just cant get it right. Please help me with any ideas. I feel like no one wants a divorced mom of three, is it me? I cant seem to get it right.
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female
reader, Clarey  +, writes (23 July 2006):
 You can get it right and you have done everything you can to help this man. We live in an age when things like sex seem more constantly available and everyone thinks they have a right to life's pleasures as though they were on a conveyor belt, instant gratification. I predict that women will become more like men and there will be lap dancing clubs for us soon too - not that you or I will want them.
It becomes harder to find good people as we get older because there is more baggage and damage to cope with. However there are good people out there. You will reach a point when you are too tired to give more and self protection is the key issue. Perhaps the key is to take things more slowly so that you can discover these things before you have invested too much.
You can be happy on your own and can afford to wait because it is better to have no relationship than one so imperfect. Only perfection will do us single Mums as I know, although everyone has to work at relationships there are some issues that require too much effort and are too damaging for us to persue. I will be thinking of you and hoping that you can get on. Look up a website called "Through the flame" and show it to your boyfriend.
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female
reader, singlemomof1 +, writes (23 July 2006):
 You have already answered your question, you stood by him and he had the chance to change but didn't. No one will change until they are ready and it is not fair to your childern or you to be put through this emotional rollercoaster why he decides what he needs to do for him.
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female
reader, singlemomof1 +, writes (23 July 2006):
As a single mom of one that left an abusive marriage 2 years ago, I learned no one will get better until they want to. Nothing will change until that person sees there is a need for a change, Your childern and you deserve a life where something like that is not an issue. It is hard to take that step to let go of someone you love but your childern and your emotional state depend on you making that choice. From what you sais there is no trust int he relationship you have now and no matter how much love is there it does not make up for the trust that has been lost
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