A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:First of all thank you for your advise. I've dated my bf for 2 years and he proposed. Due to work I ended up traveling abroad for work for 6 months. Meanwhile there were 3 huge concerts on our hometown, he went to all of them and told me he was going with his brother. I came back recently and while talking with his brother , I found out my bf had not gone with him and had lied to me. To confirm this I casually talked to my bf again and nonchalantly asked him who he had gone with to the 3 concertS claiming that I forgot. He told me he went with his brother. Still not believing he had lied, I searches his cellphone and found out he went with this girl he used to have a crush on, not only that nut theygo out for coffee and she invites him to go to dinner they even went to buy the tickets together and he got home later than usual because of "work" but he hides that he sees her.Besides this my bf tells her everything about our business ( we own a business together) even stuff he is not supposed to tell that it's confidential. I agree that he should have friends as long as they are just friends, but his lying and the kind of trust they have makes me uncomfortable. If she is just a friend.. Why lie? And when I ask about it he just lies on top of his original lie.Apparently they are just friends and he tells her how amazing I am yet he lies and makes stuff up to not say he was with her or hat he goes to shows with her. I'm not a jealous person but they lying repeteaadely to my face with no need does bother me.Should I confront him? Im just planing to give him the ring and a letter saying I cannot trust people who lie and thAt I don't want to be engaged to him and I do t want him as my business partner anymore.What should I do? Should I say anything? I'm completely certain he lied as I found proof because I saw no reason for him to lie so I didn't think he would.Thanks!!I cannot
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reader, anonymous, writes (10 June 2011): It's pretty straight forward really OP, he's basically "seeing" her, even if it's not official they are going out on dates together therefore they are dating. He lies to cover his ass because there really is no other explanation for him getting so close to his crush and going dates with her. Simple as that.
If it wasn't that way then he wouldn't have to lie.
Do confront him about it but don't expect anything more than more lies. He will try and use the "I knew you'd get the wrong idea, that's why I didn't tell you" card but don't fall for that OP. It's a deflection and it's bullshit. There really is only one explanation for this and there is no chance in hell that he doesn't still have a crush on her. Either that or he'll continue to deny it. Those are pretty much the only things he can say to try and cover his ass. He me may well be honest though and tell you he has been pursuing her. Crushes can subside but not when you're "dating" your crush and getting close to them. So if he says it's not like that then he's lying. You have probably had your own crushes OP so you know how they work. When you act like your guy is acting you know he still harbours those feelings and even worse is he's actually acting on them.
The best you can hope for when you confront him is that he comes clean, that he'll decide to stop seeing her to try and make your relationship work. But anything else is not going to cut it all the rest will be lies. There truly is nothing innocent about what he's doing, they're not "just friends".
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 June 2011): This is a deal breaker. Return the ring as planned, along with a brief note telling him it's over and wishing him well for the future. Keep it short and sweet, and classy.
Whether he was physical with this other woman or not he was cheating. If his friendship, or even his feelings for her were purely platonic and innocent he wouldn't be sneaking about.
I suggest you not waste time confronting him or waiting for an explanation. There isn't one good enough to justify this and he's already established himself as someone unworthy of trust. You know all you need to to make a decision.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 June 2011): The fact that he has lied not once but multiple times to be with this girl. And he is trusting her with confidential information about your joint business venture, would suggest that he has some sort of emotional attachment to her. It is all very well that you have heard he is complimentary about you. But who has told you that? And if you are soooo wonderful, whats he doing sneaking about behind your back to meet up with an old crush and lying to you about it?
I'm afraid its not about how great you are, its about how underhanded he is being. Sadly it looks as if you can't trust him because he is a proven liar and betrayed your trust on an emotional and business level!
The bottom line is that if he didn't think you would like him meeting up with her. Either he shouldn't have done it. OR if there were no emotions involved it was purely that he wanted some company for events. Then he should have spoken to you about it and stated his intentions and reassured you. Not just paid lip service to you, then gone off and done as he pleased behind your back.
I would certainly confront him and ask for an explanation.
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A
female
reader, person12345 +, writes (10 June 2011):
 Yes you need to confront him. It doesn't mean something happened while you were gone, but lying about something like that is a HUGE red flag. He could have thought it would upset you, but he also could have been hoping there was something there. Definitely confront him.
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A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (10 June 2011):
 Yes I think that you should confront him. It could be true that she is only a friend and he lies to you because he feels you might get anoyed. But it doesnt make up for him lying to you. Talk to him and tell him how you feel. It is very hard to trust someone who lies to you and it will take a lot of work for your trust to come back. If you dont want to do it to his face well then yes writing a letter is a good idea as well.
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A
female
reader, zebralove  +, writes (10 June 2011):
 RED FLAG !!
You deff should talk you him! I'm not a jalous persone eather but the way he lies to you, he is hiding something and you should find out what. What worries me the most is your business you have together. If hes telling her confident things about that it may lead to big trouble.
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A
female
reader, Aunty Abzy  +, writes (10 June 2011):
 Do what your heart tells you !
When you cannot trust someone, you cant have a relationship ! Even if you build on your relationship at the back of your mind he is always going to be a lier !
Have you told him you dont mind him have a friend whom is a female ? if you've not he is perhaps scared that you'll want to stop him see'ing her which im sure you wouldnt do but it could be in his mind.
I think that if he is a lier and you cannot trust him then you cannot possible be engaged to him as eventually you both would expect to get married and you cant live married life like that.
As for your buisness be very carefull because even if you cant trust him but he is a good buisness partner you wont want him too leave the buisness and obviously you wont want to give up half your share. If you can come to an agreement about the buisness theres nothing too stop you and even if you cant make sure you get what your share is worth.
Your a young girl with a whole life and world out in front of her go out have some fun and forget about his terrible lies !!
The worst thing about being lied to is not being worth the truth - And you are worth much much more ! :)
Good luck and i hope you make the correct decision for you ! :) xx
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