A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I was with my boyfriend for a year up until he broke up with me more than a month ago. Before we broke up we were very much in love and were even making plans to get married one day. However he gave me some silly excuse about his mother not wanting us to be together and so he had to respect her wishes. Shortly after, I then found out - what I think - was the real reason for our split: my cousin, who is also my best friend. They are now together and I know it’s wrong what they've done, but they would never have done it if they really didn’t care about each other. They feel really bad about getting together, but say they are in love so I feel as though I have no other choice but to forgive and forget.I have also never seen my cousin fall so deeply for a guy before, so I keep telling myself that I shouldn’t stand in the way. They may turn out to be a better suited than me and him.As you can imagine I've been absolutely devastated by losing them both - I have been crying everyday, I have become really withdrawn, and I have even lost the will to do normal everyday things like go to work, hang out with friends etc.I know it’s not an excuse but my cousin is very flirtatious, and he is weak. She flirted with him while we were still together and I believe he wouldn’t have gone after her if he didn’t think he had a chance. Despite leaving me for her, I have completely forgiven him. But the REAL problem now is that I think he's regretting what he's done and realizing he loves me more.Recently his best friend keeps telling me that he thinks my ex is still in love with me. And my ex has recently been telling me that he misses me and that he needs to ask me something important.Two days ago he then asked me: 'If I asked you to marry me, would you take me back and accept?'I didn’t reply straight away and said 'probably not' and that I would need to think about it - even though I really would say yes. I think my answer scared him off because now he hasn’t brought it up again and become a bit distant - but he has been hinting that things could change in the future between us. I think he loves us both and is scared of losing both if he chooses me and I end up rejecting him.I know a lot of people would tell me I'm better off without him, but it still doesn’t change the fact that I don’t want to be without him. I'm just scared that I have thrown away my chance of being with him. Even though my cousin is in love with him, should I tell him that I really do want to marry him? And what if he doesn’t really want to be with me and then rejects me? Is his behavior just a way for him to keep a hold over me?
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female
reader, cupidhelper  +, writes (25 September 2007):
what does his motive matter, why are you such a push-over?
it will be devasting to lose them both, but not as devasting as in two years when your husband is still screwing your cousin or your cousin has dumped the live of your LIVES for someone else.
If you still want him in 6 months, call him. Tell him you need time to heal and he needs to prove he's not a heel.
If he really wants you, wait the 6 months without your cousin-- if he can't, lose him.
You're cousin flirty and he's weak-- when you're pregnate or sick or married 5 years, will any flirty girl be able to get him. You were engaged and she still stole him-- that's not a best friend.
If you continue with these relationship: you either like being abused, are addicted to drama, or lying & wasting our time.
A
male
reader, Tommy7 +, writes (24 September 2007):
He is a game player. He is playing both you and your cousin. I suggest you look for a new boyfriend.
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