A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I live with my boyfriend of four years. He watches porn but when I try to ininate sex he says he isn't in the mood. I am starting to take this personally as he doesn't think I am attractive. He has also stopped with the affection unless he is drinking. We are both under stress but do not understand how you can get up and go to the bathroom and look at porn when I am in the bed wanting it! Please help!!
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 July 2015): Hang on in there!
He's stressed, I think this can be a symptom with guys and most probably women! Anyway, this same situation happened to my sister with her boyfriend who was under stress, he was deeply in love with her but wouldn't be able to have sex with her, yet would be affectionate at times.. we were all saying "break up with him, he's not that into you" instead, she hung on in there & didn't question it, now he's all back to normal & they're more loved up than ever!
I think you should hang on in there, he's dealing with it his own way, just show your support & don't push anything he's not comfortable with, you'll be surprised how quickly he'll come around! It may take time, but at least you can always say you tried.
If it goes on for what you think is too long, try talking to him, sensitively though, people under stress may respond differently to how they normal would!
Hope this helps!!
A
female
reader, Justthefacts  +, writes (9 July 2015):
Sageoldguy hits the nail on the head. It's hard to step back I know when we have feelings for someone but the answer really seems to be in those questions
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A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (9 July 2015):
 What YOU need to reconcile is.... that he IS NOT THAT "IN" TO YOU!!!!! And.....
... do you want to be an "accessory" in his life????? (and, him in your's???).... or do you (and he) want to be "necessities" to one-another.
Answer those questions... and you'll see your future (and his) much clearer....
Good luck...
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A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (8 July 2015):
 Did he in fact say you are not attractive? If so, there is no point to remain in the relationship. Some people have to drink constantly in order to feel like themselves. They are alcohol dependent. Stress can affect men and women in different ways but in men it's harder since erection needs to take place otherwise nothing happens. He's in the mood to have effortless entertainment, not in the mood for foreplay, pleasing you, or worrying about staying hard.
I would see if the stress can be relieved and when the issue could be fixed. The only thing that's keeping you in the relationship is love and faith but both need to be working towards it.
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