A
female
age
30-35,
*elpishereandnear
writes:Dear Cupid,My husband is my best friend. We get along great. We have a nearly 2 year old together and most of the time are very happy. However, lately I feel a bit like he still doesn't trust me. He will never admit this and he has no reasoning to not trust me as we have been together for 3 years and I have always been faithful to him. We are hosting a friends and family get together at the end of next month and a couple of my childhood friends are coming down from another town (2 hour journey) to come to the event. Two of these friends are male but personally I can't see a problem as I grew up with them so they are pretty much my family. One of them's auntie is married to my uncle so we are pretty much cousins. He asked if he could stay in our house after the event so he didn't have to leave early and I asked my husband about this and he went mad saying he didn't want another man in the house. I am furious. I kept asking him why but he kept saying "I have told you, I don't want another man in the house." And when I asked "Do you really not trust me?" He would respond with "Did I say that?" Over the past few years, I haven't had many male friends and kind of shut the ones out that I did have because my husband is wierd about it. I'm at a point now where I feel controlled and I do not like it. I feel like I'm living at my parents house again and asking for a friend to stay over. What do I do?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 July 2015): I agree very much with the 2nd poster. It's insecurity.The case Garbo described is very specific- here we are talking about your home and a childhood friend (i.e. someone you presumably have known for eons...or it feels like it)I wouldn't dream of telling any bf of mine who he can and can't be friends with. I'd like the same courtesy.I wouldn't be happy about him sleeping somewhere with a girl alone, however a friends sleepover-meh. It has happened in a past relationship (both when I was there and when I wasn't) and it hasn't lead to anything. There needs to be some trust.Again, in a past relationship-things have only happened when it was just him and the girl (and no friends around them,but he did not tell me about that part).Another example-last night I was out with a friend (more Garbo's suggested situation,I guess). We were out drinking, having fun. We had a BLAST. She was my "wingwoman" if you will and we chatted etc. with 2 guys for the whole night till 3-4am?James (her bf) knew where we were and what we were doing+she did say she is there to distract the other guy :P Point being-this was all totally fine+ no drama. As it should be.I've got the feeling that your husband wouldn't trust you enough with a situation like that either?ps:Garbo, that "friend" of yours was no friend at all and sounds like scum,really.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (8 July 2015): No offense... This guy sounds like a dick. He has already isolated you from your male friends, which you have every right to have (I will be he has female friends and is fine with any of your more attractive female friends staying over)... Just how long before he gets jealous of anyone and everyone else.
You have to nip this insecurity in the bud. He has no right to choose your friends, male or female, anymore than you do his.
Tell this clown to get over himself or he is gonna lose you.
Personally any woman who tried to tell me what friends I can and can't have would be fine before she finished the sentence.
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A
male
reader, Garbo  +, writes (8 July 2015):
 Like all males, your guy is territorial, but perhaps more so then you have ever witnessed in the past. Being territorial has nothing to do about trust in YOU but has a lot to do with trust in HIM as well as establishing the fact that no other man is wanted inside his marriage sanctum. It's just a principle of things as to tell the other guy where his limits end.
This is rather biological and seems wired inside a male. It could be testosterone or learned but I tend not to care about the cause as oppose to the fact that it just is that way and you will either accept it or campaign in vain for men to change.
Trusting your woman with another guy is also a territorial thing and, frankly, I know ton of instances where that should not have happened or where I became more territorial as a result of such situation. In my case, my then GF got way too drunk at a picnic and instead of offering some food or water, what I thought was my great friend turned and asked if we can do a train on my girl now that she is stoned. I became instantly territorial just like your man.
So some of the stuff is also learned by observing how other males behave and establishing a general principle for all: no men around my girl, period.
So don't fret. It isn't trust in you that he is concerned but of trust in others as a general principle for all males that is learned and biological.
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