| A
male
,
anonymous
writes: Hello everyone, this might be very long, please be patient, but I have finally gotten a SERIOUS WAKE UP CALL, and this is really hard to write but I know that what is happening is for the best-I'm shaking, and I'm completely scared and i need as much help as i can get.I've written before and what some of you awesome people will read will seem pretty familiar, so you'll know straight away which, "anonymous male" I am.I was involved in a SECRET 2yr GAY long distance relationship,NO ONE SUSPECTS ME AT ALL and where, "we loved each other more than life itself" we were planning on growing old together. and I Even proposed, and he said yes.This man was my first love and I lost my virginity to him, I had never gone out with a girl before, I met him, and we gradually fell in love. i was going to give everything up, my life my business, everything to go overseas and start a new life with him, and, "be happy" I truely believed that, so did he".Before we meet he had been in a relationship with a woman for several yrs, but it went bad, and before he had "exprimented" with other guys, and admitted to being turned on by men. I on the other hand also felt that, but I wasn't exposed to girls when i was younger as i wasn't so into the girls, I was more a loner, and didn't think much of it.I loved him so much, that I INTURN forgot about MYSELF, and put all his needs before mine, and let him walk all over me, taking advantage of me in every way playing on my insecurities, making me feel inferior and stupid.I think some of you might remember a story about a bf coming from overseas, for the birth of his niece, and completely shutting his partner out. WELL THAT WAS ME.I questioned myself everyday, if i was good enough, and I'd even put my folks through a big heart break by leaving and telling them that i "was gay" I'd sacrifise everything, to be with him, and at this time he showed support as he wanted to be with me.Whenever i addressed a situation of feeling hurt or not important, he'd give me the silent treatment, and would not text me, email or call, and that made me very insecure, and when I wanted and needed to hear,"I love you" he'd not say it, and hense caused me to constantly seek approval, and reassurance from him, because i was scared that id loose him, i loved him so much.He is 26 working in a high powered senior position in a large corporate company.I am 23years old, and I have my own successful business with my brother in law, so I haven't done that bad have I? I'm NOT as stupid as I though I was, he supported me in my business, but i wanted to make him happier, and he wanted me to be with him.I recently wrote a post, and Irish49, wrote something that really made me think, about how I was being treated in this relationship, that I was not being respected, only when it suited him, i was not getting the treatment that I deserved and longed for so badly.I was getting the silent treatment this week, because I was feeling neglected again, and I began to think, WHAT AM I DOING? WHAT AM I DOING TO DESERVE BEING TREATED LIKE CRAP? My answer was Nothing, I did nothing to be hurt and used this way. I felt so emotionally connected to him, that my emotions were controlled by his moods.We emailed today, after not speaking for almost a week, as he was very cold and blunt with me also he has been under pressure at work, I understand but that is not a reason to ignore me.He said we need to talk about us, I thought we were on the road that i'd be begging for us to make it work, but he had done this before where he needed space last year, and left me hanging, and a month later came back saying that he only wants me, that he can not imagine his life without me, and he only wanted me.Instead I felt strong, and firm. He started beating around the bush, and saying that I don't understand, and this hurt me all so much.I had flashes of the two years that I had passed and of all the times that we imagined our happy lives together, and I shew a tear, thinking about what I had become, but I felt more anger, and I knew what was going to happen next. WE're on the road to ending our "so called relationship" he later said that he wasn't ready for a "gay relationship", however he has already told people about me. but as this was happening, I made a clear precise final decision, and although I'm in so much pain, I ended the relationship. I feel used and angry.There are seconds I think that I'll be fine, and others i dunno how i can carry on without my soulmate...I feel hurt, but knew it was coming, and I wasn't going to put myself down and beg and go down again.I know I need time to recover, and i know that when i go to bed, that I'll be in pain.I feel angry, and I Dunno what to do with myselfDid i do the right thing?Part of me says yes, the other no.Now that i'm out of this relationship, and when im ready who knows, maybe i might find the RIGHT GIRL that I've been searching for? and this was a bad phase, I'm scared of getting hurt again, and I dunno what to do.Thank you so much for reading this, I apologise for this being so long, and I do hope this gets posted.Again many thanks.
View related questions:
at work, fell in love, insecure, long distance, lost my virginity, soulmate, text Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, matron +, writes (20 May 2006):
 Hi, i feel for you so much, you have so much love to give but i feel that he knew that, and drained your love.In this world there are takers and givers you were unfortunate to find a taker, i dont doubt that he had feelings for you, who wouldn't? but he lacked the ability to give spontaineously, it appears that it was all on his terms, when he was loving it was for his benefit, it sounds like he enjoyed the power he knew he had over your emotions. You have done the right thing by ending it, you are worth so much more. When you meet someone new, male or female expect to be respected and accepted for who you are, dont try to be who they want you to be. In wanting to please others remember that you too have to be happy within that relationship, by doing, saying and acting the way you feel will please and impress others takes away your own identity, the end result makes you feel unhappy and your partner appear selfish (they believe you are being you and happy that way)What i'm trying to say is start the relationship as you mean to go on, be yourself, have a life outside the relationship with your freinds who dont take you for granted so that you dont lose sight of who you are and what you want from your life.YOU are a special person who deserves respect and lots of honest love, go get it!!!!
A
female
reader, shania  +, writes (19 May 2006):
 I remember your letter and i think i did respond to it as well.You did the right thing in ending it...you weren't getting the love and commitment that you needed in this relationship and it seemed that you did all the giving while your ex did the taking.You gave it your best shot but your lover never really appreciated you.Its natural to think whether you did the right thing or not...but you did.There will be someone for you out there who will want you and cherish you....this guy wasn't the one.
...............................
|
