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female
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anonymous
writes: Hi, my boyfriend and I have been dating for 2 months so far, but we dated before and broke up. After his ex left him he came back to me and I accepted him back, but something inside me keeps telling me he doesn't like nor love me, and he is just dating me cuz I'm his last resort. He still has pics of his ex in his email and when him and his ex went out, he broadcast his love to everyone, putting her name with heart on his email, buying her gifts and taking her places. With me, he'd rather treat me lower. He doesn't take me places, he never bought me a gift on my birthday and he doesn't broadcast his love. I came to the conclusion that his ex was hot. I mean everyone in school thinks she's the most hottest thing alive. There's not one person in our school that thinks she's ugly, and then there's me, where most guys are like, eww her umm, I guess. So I assume he doesn't like talking about me beacuse I'm not pretty enough. A part of me wants to break up with him and the other knows I can't sleep without him. I really need some advie. Please help me.
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female
reader, DrPsych  +, writes (20 May 2006):
 This comes down to self respect at the end of the day, and people will treat you the way you allow them to treat you. Beauty is very much in the eye of the beholder, and since you are still in school - trust me - you are going to bloom later in life as you learn what clothes suit you, what hair cuts etc later in life. Whats more, different people have different views on what is 'hot' etc so you will meet many boys who fancy you a lot! School is about peer pressure to say what the other pupils are saying, so there would be boys who think you are 'hot' but they would be scared to say anything just because they don't want to stand out from the group. Whats more, relationships are about rather more than being pretty. No point dating a vision of beauty who has no personality - and it is a sad fact that many beautiful people are VERY boring because they have sailed through life on their physical attributes but when you get to know them they are very dull indeed. I dated a model a few years back just because he looked a bit like Mr Depp (shallow I know!) but it didn't last because he bored me to death with his ME, ME, ME talk.
Your boyfriend (and I am using the term lightly) isn't treating you nicely, or doing anything for your self esteem. He doesn't buy you presents because he knows he can get away with it - you still go out with him no matter what he does. If my husband forgot my birthday he would be spending a very cold night on a London street :-) So you need to ditch him, and be happy being single. Lets face it you managed to be single in the past and survived that, and you will be a better, stronger person for doing that now. Everyone likes independent women, and being a doormat is definitely not attractive. You are still young, and you will probably date quite a few men in your lifetime. You have made a mistake with this boy but learn from it and don't go through life allowing men to treat you badly just because you think you are not pretty. I bet you would be very pretty if you just let yourself think you are :-)
A
female
reader, Country Woman +, writes (20 May 2006):
 I have to agree with Bev Connolly's comments.
Your b/f was dating you previously and then he had a break and went with this other girl. The fact that he has come back to you means that he enjoys spending time with you for one.
I am concerned that he didn't bother to even get you a birthday gift. That is just being mean.
You do have low self esteem and don't devalue yourself in that way. You are every bit as good as every other girl out there or even better.
Was this other girl a bimb, does she have brains? I doubt it somehow, if it is all out on show then guys are naturally gonna look. Don't put yourself in that same scenario. You could wow most of the other guys I'm sure but you have you like yourself first and you are just not doing that right now.
If your b/f constantly talks about the ex or does not give you the attention you deserve, break up with him.
Sounds like he is always the one in control and it is probably the fact this girl broke up with him and not the other way around. He is not used to being rejected and that miffs him.
If you feel you are not being treated the way you should be then get out before you get hurt. You are already feeling low so take control for once and make a stand.
I bet your friends don't like to see you being hurt in this way and you could be having so much more fun without this guy who is making you miserable.
You would get over this guy believe me and your self esteem may be low to start with but let your friends and family help you through it and show him that you are not going to be treated in this way and walk around with your head held high and let him see what he has missed out on. I am sure there are other guys out there who would love to be with you but while you waste your time with this guy, they never get a look in.
Go out and be a girl again with your friends and enjoy your school life and life as a whole. Being miserable is just not worth it and you should be having fun not sitting around sad all the time. Enjoy yourself and life will most definitely get better honest.
BFN
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A
female
reader, honey_08 +, writes (20 May 2006):
 you know everyone of us are beautiful, who told u your not pretty, u can be pretty in some many ways, and dont think that looks are the only factor of a person to be a perfect one, no one of us are perfect. i want to ask u? its a woman instinct, if u feel that he just using u then ask yourself, do u really deserve to be trited like that.? dont put your self in the basement and while everybody else are in the first floor of life and having fun with full of confidence, if u stock in the basement and think that your not belong to them u will end up of losing good good chances or break that god gave u. why dont u change your everyday life style, i meen, why dont u show them that your not what they think u are, and if u do that u feel that u belong to them, like dress up, wear something hot and sexy, like mini skirt a sexy top, wear some nice accesories and put some make up. make yourself too pretty and hot like what we saw in movies., and then walk with full confidence and smile and show to them how pretty and beautiful you are, then let them realize that they are all wrong, and let your bf realize that he made a big mistake of rejecting u and hes damn stupid not noticing how sexy and pretty u are. remember u should also have a big heart, bec. when u have both, good looks and good heart i think every men wants to have u. start now and go and have fun!!!!! find someone who will accept who u are.
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A
female
reader, Bev Conolly  +, writes (20 May 2006):
 This isn't really about her looks, or even about your low self-esteem, although I'm kind of worried about the amount of value you place on his old girlfriend being good-looking. So what? You can be "hot" and still strangle kittens in your spare time, you know what I'm saying? What I mean is that pretty doesn't necessarily equal "perfect", you need to get over that issue right now.
But as far as your boyfriend, sometimes you have to trust your instinct, and yours says that he's with you because "she" isn't.
So, how does that make you feel about him? Do you REALLY still want him, if he's carrying a torch for her? You say you couldn't "sleep without him", but why is that, if his behaviour makes you unhappy? Wouldn't it be in your best interests to be with someone who wants you more than anyone else?
You might be falling into a trap that ensnares a lot of young women: the "I have to have a boyfriend" quagmire.
But you can live perfectly happily without a boyfriend, especially one who leaves you feeling like you're perpetually Second Choice!
Ask yourself what would happen if you walked away from this. You'd be lonely for a while, sure. Then what?
You'd get over it. No one -- ever, anywhere -- really died because the person they were with wanted someone else, no matter how hard it feels at first. So, believe it or not, you'd cope.
And then what?
Well, then you'd be free to see your friends, study, go on family holidays, take up new hobbies and maybe... find someone who actually wants you ONLY.
Consider it.
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