A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:my boyfriend and I have been dating for 5 months now, and i seriously believe whole heartedly that we are meant to be together we are two of a kind, and we have fallen for each other so quickly. He treats me absolutely amazingly and always puts me first. The only thing worrying me right now, is i dont know how to deal with my feelings when he rejects my advances in bed. I lost my virginity to him, and he told me that anytime i'm in the mood, or i just want to explore his body i can. He told me i could touch him anywhere, anytime and that his body is mine now, as mine is his also. but the last two times that we've woken up beside each other, and i've been in the mood, my advances got rejected...i've never been rejected sexually before so i felt a little bit upset that he didnt want to have sex with me. again, i feel bad and i would never force him to do something he doesnt feel like doing, but it just stings hearing 'stop' and 'calm yourself down' when i even kiss his neck. It's very difficult for me to turn myself off when im in the mood and i usually get in a bad mood and roll away from him, left awake thinking i've done something wrong for wanting him. Should i just back off and not show him any affection in the mornings when we wake up? I just find it hard to control myself with how insanely attracted to him i am, and how much i want to make him feel even half as amazing as he makes me feel.
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (18 October 2011):
 I get rebuffed. he gets rebuffed.... it's a joke how out of sych our drives are... yet we've managed to make it work.
I rarely can wake him in the middle of the night (i've tried)
and except for sunday mornings... not happening... we tend to go for dinner time at our house and eat later....
A
reader, anonymous, writes (16 October 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for your answers guys! its just very confusing when every morning we would have sex when we're together. (we dont live together so we make the most of the time we do have) and i have mentioned to him in the past that i was worried my sex drive was higher then his and he'd never want it. but he said that i wasnt overpowering with it or anything, that he loved me instigating the sex. and that all i have to do to get him up is kiss his neck and he'll take the hint. he said that he wants is just as much as i do, all the time. and not to be afraid to instigate sex sometimes. so naturally i thought waking up up to something like that would be a major turn on for him, it has been in the past. but now im worried, he told me he loves it when i initiate the sex, and then he rejects me in the mornings when i do.
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (15 October 2011):
 You wake up in the middle of the night and want sex?
Darling you, unless he's a night-sex type of person then this won't fly. Does he reject you any other time? People have times when they feel ok with having sex. I'm ok to go close to any time, anywhere, even in the middle of the night. And plenty of guys don't mind being woken up at night to have sex. But some do. And some nights, if I am in deep slumber and a guy makes advances, I'll push him off because I'm in my dream land.
Some people are just too tired to have sex in the middle of the night! Some are too tired in the morning, or feel unsexy with their teeth not yet brushed and their hair in a mess. Some again love the morning sex and don't like the evening sex, because they just showered, or they just changed the bed sheets, or want to sleep in bed sheets that aren't drained in sweat, or they don't want to wake the neighbors, you name it. Most people have some times during the day they are up for it, and other times they are not up for it.
Your boyfriend isn't rejecting YOU, he's rejecting the idea of sex in the middle of the night. If you are waking up horny in the middle of the night then maybe you are a night-sex type of person. Go take a cold shower, or masturbate, if he's not up to it. You just need to learn his body, at what times he's in sexual mode and at what times he's not.
Now, if I got this wrong and he's rejecting you at other times as well it is a different story. That would imply his sex drive isn't as high as yours, and maybe he's never met a woman with a high sex drive before if he said you could touch him anytime you want (he wasn't expecting it'd be that often?). But that's just if he rejects you at other times as well, and not only at certain times.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 October 2011): I wouldn't worry too much if I were you, since it only happened two times. If he continues to reject you, then you will need to have a conversation about it. Maybe you have made yourself too available to him. Why don't you try playing hard to get a little bit, maybe turn him down next time he wants sex. If he knows he can't have you anytime he wants you, he will want you more.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 October 2011): You guys aren't sleeping with each other on a regular basis, may be he is not a morning person? Why dont u ask him.For example, my husband doesn't like to have sex with me, when I have a girls night out with few drinks and then come home and want love.once he even through me off the bed, when i started touching him, he was half asleep. But I was in a mood.He told me then, never do that again, because he can't stand the smell of wine on me, and he can't stand me being buzzed.lol.he can drink too, but he doesn't like me buzzed. So I don't do it anymore. We have regular outing with my girlfriends about once a month, so that night I just go sleep in a guest bedroom.It's all about communication. There is no reason for you feeling rejected, really. I m sure u are wanted, but may be just not in some mornings
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A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (15 October 2011):
 How do you handle it? I'll tell you how:
Learn not to take it personally like every guy on here who has had his wife or significant other tell him "Not tonight, dear. I have a headache". Sex is about respect, and if he's not in the mood, he's not in it. Not all guys are 100% sex nymphomaniacs who would do it 7x per day if allowed.
Now, if he's going weeks without sex, then there would be something wrong. But a man has a right to not be up for it same as any woman does. I know that I'm *not* a morning person, and I don't like sex in the morning either unless I've had a shower and brushed my teeth, but that's just me.
You'll hurt your relationship if you roll over and sulk and get in a bad mood. You said yourself that he treats you amazingly. He may have said "my body is your body" in the heat of the moment, but it's mutual.
Take some time, don't take it as a personal rejection, and you both will find a groove that works.
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A
female
reader, Nime +, writes (15 October 2011):
 Just a thought, but since you say both of his rebuffs occurred just after you'd woken up, had you both made a trip to the bathroom to relieve yourselves and freshen up first? In the beginning of my 3 year relationship I didn't care when we did it or how clean we were, but as the passion naturally settled into comfort I started becoming more demanding about cleanliness. I can no longer get into kissing or sexual activity just after waking if neither of us has brushed teeth or emptied our bladders, otherwise the smell of the spit and the urge to pee would distract me the whole time. Sometimes I don't want to do it at all in the morning if we've slept too much and my head is heavy. Another thing to think about is that after you're with someone for a while, sleeping and the bed stop being completely about the two of you together and somewhat return to your functional needs as individuals. The process of waking up in your bed has been your own personal routine since you were a child and it's hard to abandon entirely. Maybe your boyfriend has always enjoyed quietly drifting in and out of sleep for a half hour in his bed as part of his waking process, and he wants to do that sometimes without a pair of hands roving all over him. Maybe your boyfriend is completely alert as soon as he wakes and he needs to get up and take care of a few things right away in order to start his day right. Or, since you mention these rebuffs have only happened twice, maybe your boyfriend just had a tiring week. Obviously the best thing to do would be to just ask him what gives, but understand that the process of waking up is a personal thing for everyone; it's also the first thing you do every day and can set the tone for your entire day. Some people are just not up for sexual activity in the morning, especially if they like their routine. It's important to remember that although you two are in a relationship you are still individuals and you and your boyfriend will not always be on the same wavelength sexually, nor should you be.
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A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (15 October 2011):
 A woman will always want more while a man needs time to recharge his batteries. I know how you feel. I also made a comparison of before and after. The feeling of "now, nothing" can be unbearable. He may not know why he couldn't keep up when before he seemed to have unlimited energy. At the beginning you had the excitement of discovering the one, a long lost passion and now things calmed down a bit. It's healthy and normal for him to pull back a bit. Emotional intimacy can energize you, but it would drain a man. I think by understanding this you will feel less upset. It has nothing to do with losing interest and attraction. You should give him time alone so that he gathers more energy to see you next time.
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A
male
reader, Daniel the love doctor +, writes (15 October 2011):
 There's nothing wrong with a nice morning wake up. ;^) And I don't think you're wrong with for trying to be intimate with him. After all, he was the one who told you that you could touch him "ANYTIME". And above all...HE IS YOUR BOYFRIEND.
I think what you need to do is talk to him. Find out what is the reason he is not accepting your advances in bed.
Now to be fair... it may be stress, overworking, tiredness, or he's just plainly not in the mood. But you'll never know unless you COMMUNICATE.
Hope this helps! :^)
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A
female
reader, amenthyst3356 +, writes (15 October 2011):
You need to talk to him about it, it's hard I have been in your same position.
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