A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:i was seeing a guy for about a month and a half..over christmas i didnt see him at all. now it has been a month since i have seen him. he never texts me first but he does always reply to my texts and we saw each other about once or twice a week. but recently he has cancelled on me twice and never even texts back for at least 3 hours most the time.after not having seen him for a month, i just presumed it was over as he never even tried to get in touch with me..so at a party last saturday, i slept with another guy. i did not know that this guy has a connection with the guy i was seeing and now he has found out about the guy i slept with. he will not text me back at all. i don't know whether he will get over this as we were definately NOT together when i had sex with the other guy, and it was mainly his fault we were not together as he never even tried with me..he even told me at one point he did not want a relationship. i still want to see and speak to this guy so i just wondered if anyone thinks he will get over it. theres no point texting as he wont reply, and even if i rang he wouldn't answer as he never usually does anyway, so i can't even find out from him. any advice? x
View related questions:
christmas, text Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Blue_Angel0316  +, writes (19 January 2009):
 Don't stress over it hon. This guy should have made things plain to you if he had intended to carry on the relationship. Instead HE kept YOU in suspense and hoping that he would call. When he didn't, it showed that he probably wasn't that serious about you anyway, but now he wants to make you feel guilty and at blame. Don't buy into that!
As far as the other guy, I hope you acknowledge regret for having done this. If you had waiting a bit longer perhaps he may have come back and then you would have known for sure in time. It's no gaurentee that he would though and if he can't give you his time regularly unless you two have an agreement to this you are best to leave him be. If you want to remain his friend, do remember that being left ignored and in suspense can cause alot of emotional and mental duress for you. He apparantly was getting what he wanted from the relationship and you weren't top priority. I am sure that if you had been he would have made some attempts to call or visit you during that Month and half he had basically dropped off the face of the earth!
Sleeping with another man too quickly can cause you to begin bonding and transferring your feelings toward this other person. It can also cause extreme emotional and mental duress. Now you have guilt for sleeping with him when apparantly the other guy thought you WERE SUPPOSED TO BE AS HIS BECK AND CALL, WAITING AROUND FOR HIM TO RETURN WHENEVER HE WAS READY! Now you are feeling bad about the one you had been dating, What about the guy you slept with? Perpahs he now likes you! See what a tangled web you can weave so quickly?
I would advise talking to the guy you had the one nighter with. Let him know that you really though the guy had dumped you without telling you so. Be honest and sincere. It's all you can do. Then if you have a email or house address of the guy you dated, write and let him know that his absense gave you the impression that he had broken things off with you and apoligise for the mistake. Don't BEG! You need to make it known that if HE had told you he was going to be doing other things for a period of time you could have made other plans and STILL waited.This is a form of good communication. You have to be careful not to make him feel on the defense however don't let him make you feel bad. Make sure that he knows you care about him but YOU WAITED for a Month and half...even when you felt that after the 1st month had gone by that he was GONE too!
You didn't do yourself any good moving on so quickly, but your guy didn't make himself understood and chose to leave you sitting home waiting,while he was out having a ball I imagine. In my honest opinion, I would say that your young man may not be ready for a serious thing or a Real committment. He will continue most likely to manipulate and control your life as long as you allow him to. Leaving you alone alot, wondering what you did to cause his absense. The other guy, who knows? It may be best to take the time in getting to know him, you already slept with him. I suggest however that you refrain from having sex with anyone. Get yourself together and worry less about what the guy wants, thinks, or feels. If he really cares and wants to try and work it out, HE WIlL let you know most likely.
Once you have sent the simple letter, let that be all you do. After that no attempt to contact him at all. This way you can at least say what's on your mind whilst you defend your honor. Remember to make a simple apology for the misunderstanding BUT in no way should you BEG! You also SHOULDN'T ACCECT BLAME for breaking up the relationship, as it was HE WHO DIDN'T COME AROUND FOR OVER A MONTH AND HALF, LEAVING YOU TO BELIEVE THAT HE HAD ALREADY BROKEN IT OFF WITHOUT TELLING YOU AND WITH NO APPARENT REASON.
PRAY ABOUT THIS AND NEXT TIME STEER CLEAR OF GETTING INTO AN INVOLVEMENT SEXUALLY, IT CAN MAKE MATTERS WORSE AND CAUSE YOU MORE STRESS AND AGGRAVATION. GOD HAS WAYS OF SETTING THINGS RIGHT. PRAY WITHOUT CEASE AND LET HIM OPEN THE DOORS TO All OF YOUR HEARTS AND MAY YOU RECEIVE HIS BLESSINGS.
God bless,
Blue_Angel
^(**)^
God bless
|
