A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hey! Last night I fell asleep next to my fiancé while he was watching a movie on his computer. He left the computer on and this morning I saw that he'd been looking at porn while I was asleep next to him. I didn't say anything, but then over breakfast he said: "You were sleeping so deeply last night that I could have been watching porn and you wouldn't have noticed". I smiled. Now I am really angry, not so much because he'd been watching porn (my guy friends tell me all guys do) but 1) because he did it while I was asleep next to him and didn't even have the decency to go to another room 2) because he told me that thing over breakfast: why would he be playing with me like that? Am I reading to much into this? Am I too easily offended? I mean, I'm marrying the guy in a few months and I am sure he loves me deeply, but why would he say something like that this morning? What do you Cupids think?
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reader, anonymous, writes (11 May 2012): Its acceptable to say you dont want him to look at porn anymore. Lots of women react the same way as if theyve been cheated on. Theyre valid feelings.
A
male
reader, JustHelpinAgain  +, writes (8 May 2012):
Well to a guy it is pretty obvious. You get into bed with your wife/girlfriend kiss and cuddle a bit and the guy gets turned on but the girl yawns and in ten seconds is snoring. .... Now the guy is in the loneliest place on the face of the planet, or so it feels. His girl would rather sleep than show her love or even care about his throbing erection. Funny thing is that whenever my wife wants sex I never rolled over and went to sleep and if I did I think it would be taken pretty badly.
Luckily the wonders of technology bring relief to our bedside with a couple of mouse clicks and before long we can enjoy falling asleep as well. OP your boyfriend is doing what at least half the online male population is doing, and the other half would as well if they could. If your day is too full to leave 15 minutes to make love with your husband then don't resent his right to love himself!!!
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A
male
reader, roxanneian  +, writes (7 May 2012):
i have done the same thing tonight.she was asleep i watched porn and trying to find some stuff she likes to watch as well so i can watch it with my girl when she wakes up.im marrying her in a few weeks too.i dont know but have you banned porn from your relationship?? has he to watch it in secret by himself without you being involved??do you watch other things together as a couple like movies comedys etc? i bet you if you and him chose porn you both enjoyed watching regardless of who the girl is and her body type. its not about her being better than you.its about the scene turning you on.you will get turned on by porn if you give it a go. but this is the serious bit, dont watch porn that he chooses if you dont get turned on by it and vise versa choose a happy medium and get close to each other talk about what your watching tell him its fine to watch girls or trannies or gangbangs tell him it turns you on too if you like it.me and my partner are rock solid square together and watch lots of porn together and she will never leave me and i am her boy for the rest of my life.it has made us realise what turns us on then we do that for real with each other when the time is right and if we like it we will look for related stuff and watch that and keep going x hope i helped you it will be fine its there for your benefit as well you know x
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 May 2012): Hellooooo!
I am a female and All I would do of my boyfriend I'd that is talk to him. Just say 'why where u Watching porn last night, i sore it on the computer' if her dosent admit it tell him exactly what u hae explained to us and he should apologise. BUT, if he gets stressy, then ignore it. Anyway, it's not like he is dating someone else, hopefully :P
Hope it helped, from the girl with many secrets
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (26 April 2012):
 Well I would have said to him “well why didn’t you?” and called him on it. Personally this is why I have enacted the “NO COMPUTERS IN THE BEDROOM” rule…whether it be porn or gaming I don’t want it in the bedroom… reading and TV (and porn on tv) are ok….
But that’s besides the point… would you have been happy if he woke you for sex? My guy tries to do that (at my insistence that he try) but accepts if I am too wiped out…
Tisha is right how can you plan to marry a man if you are too embarrassed to talk to him about something???
What bothers you the most about this? That it was in your bed (where should he jerk off the bathroom?)
That you were asleep? (should he wake you for sex or to watch him jerk off??) or that you were in the bed???
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 April 2012): Ask him why he would need porn when you're right next to him. I don't get it either unless they are looking at someone who looks like their gf and thinking of her.
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female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (26 April 2012):
 I don't think it's controlling to be honest with him. "Babe, remember when we talked about porn? You said you used to watch it when single, but that you didn't any more. So that seems to have changed, and you're watching it again. I noticed you had watched it while I was asleep next to you. Any idea why that has changed?"
Does he know how you feel about it? You've talked about it, obviously, so he knows your position on it.
Why would you be embarrassing him by pointing out the obvious? He did watch porn in bed next to you. Why would that embarrass him? He's the one who did that, you could have awakened at any time, after all.
Are you the one who is going to spend 6 months with him then 6 months in your own country? I'm a bit concerned for you that you can't have a conversation about this topic with him; you're going to be a long way away and presumably, he will have sexual urges while you are apart. It's time to get all that stuff on the table if you have strong feelings about porn. How will he deal with his sexual desires when you two are apart for 6 months? How will you? Do you have an expectation or have you not thought about that?
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reader, anonymous, writes (26 April 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you, you guys for getting back to me fast! So, yeah, we've actually had the "porn talk" before and he said he used to watch it when he was single, but now that we live together (we are in a LDR, but we live together on a day to day basis for at least 6 months a year) he doesn't watch it anymore. Not true, apparently! I wonder how many times he's done this when I was asleep next to him! And yes, Tisha, I know I should definitely talk this out, but I don't want to embarrass him over what he did and I don't want to look controlling (am I?) to him.
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A
male
reader, Yos  +, writes (26 April 2012):
 If you haven't discussed porn then now is the time. Make your feelings clear about it, whatever those feelings are. Do you have a problem with him watching porn in general? Or really just in that context?
Establish what you are comfortable with and make sure he understands you.
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (26 April 2012):
Why are you withholding your feelings and your knowledge from him? You are playing games as well.
When he said what he said this morning, why didn't you simply say, "I know you did watch porn."?
I think it's time to have a discussion about your feelings and porn and let him know how it affects you. Staying silent while working up a nice case of anger perhaps isn't the most effective means of communication.
If you are planning on marrying the guy, don't you think now would be a good time for the two of you to perfect your communication methods as well as sort out the hot-button issues such as porn use? Maybe while you are talking, calmly and lovingly, about porn you could add your thoughts on using your vibrator or other sex aids solo or in mutual play.
Another good topic to cover while you are both calm and not angry is your rules for fighting fair. The two of you should work up the list of rules you'll both stick to when you are angry at one another. "Don't bring up a past issue, deal with the current problem. Don't yell. Don't call the other names." Those are some examples for you to ponder.
So what I think is that you should learn to express your feelings on a topic right away, with him, so that any resentments or spats don't fester and grow in the background. Be upfront, honest, calm and clear when he does something like that.
Good luck.
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